Firefly Ravine clap if you've got a ticket to the end of the world

throwback thread titleeee. tag for reference
set during Elysium's arrival to Hushed Willows

He never will get to see the beauty of the place Lily found — it strikes him as sad, but he knows he can't turn back now. If he turns back, he'll never find what he needs; he'll never change. And that's what he needs right now, more than anything, even though he's never wanted it less — he needs to change everything. He can't keep going the way he's been, half-alive, an elusive corpse treading the territory and only resurfacing to cause some new hurt. Even this fresh start is not enough.
Or, maybe it is enough — but he is not. He needs time, he needs space, he needs to be somewhere away from anyone he can hurt. Especially @Delight — his beautiful fragile boy, his silver-eyed lover who will always hold such a large piece of his heart. He tries not to think about their conversation, about what he's doing to him (now of all times, his mind adds helpfully), because he knows if he stays he will do much, much worse. It is in his nature, and perhaps that will never change. But he has to try, and maybe... maybe his promise to return will be one he can keep. And he knows that even if it is not, Delight is in good hands with Seabreeze and Olive; maybe he's even better off.
He lingers near to where he'd last seen the pack, still at a distance. Some part of him half-hopes to see a packmate, to be convinced to stay; it would be so easy to fall back into his habits, wouldn't it? Funny, how hard it is to walk away now, when he's done it so many times before. He turns away, picking a random direction — he'll walk until he can't anymore, until every bit of him wears away and crumbles to dust.
And maybe from this, he can make something new of himself.