Sun Mote Copse silver lining

All he wanted was just to make off and get out. His brain was screaming, shouting, telling him to leave, but he could not when Wraen stopped him, saying he shouldn't go now, could wait until later. Eljay's ears folded back uncertainly. He frowned as Wraen went on to say that she wouldn't have wanted him to stay sad. I know, I know, I know, but he just couldn't stop himself from hurting. It wasn't as easy in the world of his feelings as it was in the logical brain.

It was hard to say anything without crying, and so he was silent at first, as Wraen said that he should move on and be happy, that he should find love again possibly. He hadn't found love the first time; it had found him, and it had taken many years, so he didn't expect it. And maybe it wasn't even necessary. It wasn't love that he missed, or the thought of having a mate that loved him the way he did her. It was Wildfire that he missed.

I... He did not get very far before he could feel the emotion swell up that he'd tucked inside and had intended to unwind somewhere alone and far away from the rest of the pack. I know that's what she would have wanted, but it's... He choked out a sob and swallowed difficultly. It's so hard to move on. I can't. I don't need love, I need -- I want -- I need her, and I know that she isn't coming back but -- by now Eljay had tears running down his cheek, his words quick and incoherent -- I just don't know how. I know that she isn't coming back, I know that, I just, I don't know how to move on. He bit his lip and looked away, feeling like an idiot in front of his friend, and wishing that it was easier. That he could just let the emotions go, remember her fondly and let that be that.