Lake Rodney time after time

Eljay looked a little surprised when Wraen said she was glad he had shared it. It made him feel a bit stupid to say something like that. Often it felt as though all the wolves around him were all grown up, a lot like Wraen. Towhee was also a wolf who he felt had been grown up from the start; it wasn't very long until she assumed leadership and until she seemed a lot further and better along on the path of life than Eljay himself. It often made him feel like the weird kid on the playground; the odd cousin who only was invited along because he was part of the family of one of the cool kids, but who maybe they'd rather not have along.

It surprised him again when Wraen said that she hadn't always been the friend he deserved. Oh, that's... he murmured, a little taken aback, but there was more to come and so he easily slipped back into listening to what else Wraen would say.

Months ago this would've meant a lot to him, when he had found himself insecure if Wraen even wanted him along, when he had considered running off with Maia himself. Maybe if she had told him something along these lines when she'd left the Copse, Eljay could've convinced himself to leave the Redhawks and join up with them earlier. Then, everything would be different.

As it stood, he still appreciated her saying it, but he didn't need the confidence boost as such because felt much more comfortable around Wraen now and their last encounters had been more pleasant. Probably because he'd been less depressed, himself. Eljay hadn't considered Wraen might not be happy to have him join Brechelliant, although honestly, a big part of it had been because he knew that meant Wraen got to keep Maia extra close.

Still, her saying it meant something, maybe not on a practical level, but on.. well, some level, at least, he could tell by the way his heart felt warmed. Eljay smiled as Wraen finished speaking and said, Thank you, Wraen. That means a lot to me. He wished things were more simple than they were, but he knew that eventually, he or Maia would have to move. And right now, he wasn't so sure he wanted to move, but he also totally understood if Maia didn't want to move, so he was trying to get himself in a position where he might. He'd felt more confident leaving the Caldera, which had helped that decision process a lot — because he didn't feel so alone when Maia was gone if he could just visit the Fen — but then the Moonspear crash happened and as he stared out at lake Rodney Eljay realised what a stark reminder that was of how hard it was for him to live apart from her... because he had no power over visiting her. At least, only in theory, but not in practise; not right now, with his core shaken and his anxiety spurred on.