Lake Rodney what would you say if i came home now

Maia asked him what happened, but Eljay wasn't quite so sure that he could explain the intricacies of that. It was a lot of things, not just one thing. It was everything that built up over the years. It was the feeling of being home as he was close to her.

He felt burned out, as if he couldn't go on anymore. The thought of returning to Redhawk Caldera, at whose very borders he still stood, filled him with a panic that went beyond his usual anxiety. It made him feel as if he would collapse from the stress and the tiredness, even though the work had quieted down for now. He couldn't handle it, couldn't handle being there and shouldering all that he shouldered alone. He couldn't handle not being part of the inner circle of wolves there. The worst part of it all wasn't that they had stuff he wanted — the right to breed, each other's companionship — it was that they just didn't seem to care.

Of course it wasn't as black and white as that, it never was, but in Eljay's mind it became stressful and a lot. Mountains more a lot than moving in with Maia ever was. He nodded into her fur when she asked him if he was sure. I just can't — live there anymore — be their... Their shoulder and their... everything and get n-nothing in return. It wasn't exactly nothing, of course. But it wasn't enough.

Not anymore.

He took a deep breath and sniffled into Maia's fur, still unable to look at her. Only when he said the words did he feel embarrassed for mentioning pups that he hadn't even discussed with Maia yet. They said it would be unfair for the pups to have more in the Caldera. T-they didn't even consider that I.. that we might want — I'm sorry, it's — I don't even know if you want to — I just feel so... Burned up. Tired all the time. Stressed all the time.

Taken for granted.

His voice turned to a quivering whisper as he added, words meant only for her ears: I want to be somewhere, with wolves, where I don't need to ask for them to take me into consideration. Where I.. He swallowed thickly. .. matter. Cause of being me.

He thought back to when his parents had died. How lonely he'd felt. How, in hindsight, he'd felt like nobody really cared what happened to him. If he had withered away and died, only Maia would have cared. He didn't want to risk that anymore. He knew he needed to cling onto that for dear hope and never let it go, and so his resolve was made up.