Lion Head Mesa [m] cut out my heart and you leave me bleeding

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Charles wanted nothing more than to get himself together, but it was so hard. He thought of the words Tavina had whispered into his ears — please him, lord Charles. blame her. receive a new wife. — and that was all he wanted, but attaining it seemed like an impossible hurdle to pass over. Ramesses spoke to him angrily, speaking of all the things that he had given Charles. Of course, it was a mistake to give all these things to him in the first place. Charles had known that in his heart the moment he had received them. He wondered every second of every day; why? He had waited for the catch every moment of every day and yet it had never come. And still he wondered: Why?

Clearly, he did not deserve it, and once more it was proven.

Despite his anger, Ramesses ordered the servants to get honey and meat. Charles did not know if these were for him, of course. Maybe Ramesses was just hungry. He thirsted for berries, so he could forget about it all and get drunk. Well, y'know. Even more than he already was.

Ramesses asked, then, once Charles had settled inside of the chambers to look up at the Pharaoh far away upon his throne, if he had 'performed' with Lilitu. Charles felt his cheeks flush, as he did not like to discuss such things, but he also felt an indignant chill and he could not stop himself from blurting out — Of course I did! He knew it wasn't him. It was her! Blame her. She's the one who is the insult! Gently. She deny to give me children, then leave! Oops. I had a daughter. I know it's not me.

Did he perform? Yes. Did he enjoy it? Well, no, of course not, because he (less and less) secretly still thirsted for a whole different sort of companionship. But that did not mean that he could not fake it and pretend that it was not some girl he did not care about beneath him. He had done it with Nyra, to prove himself, and he had done it again with Lilitu. Except this time it had not given him children. Charles actually had looked forward to that. He thought he could clean himself up if he had to be a father. He'd never been allowed to be much of one for Lotus. Yet, Lilitu had taken that away from him, as she had many more things by leaving to Brecheliant.