Heron Lake Plateau make me feel

hopin' for a @Raven!

It was hard work keeping the pups in check while Raven was gone, but it made Eljay feel so good to have a purpose in the pack again. He'd been feeling like his life was pointless a lot up until the point Raven had given birth and he had had a task as puppysitter again. Eljay didn't have many close friends -- but he did have lots of family beside him -- and he didn't like Heron Lake Plateau a lot -- Redhawk Caldera'd always be home -- but things weren't all too bad considering the things he did have.

With a soft smile on his face Eljay called out: "Raven..?" as he approached the pup den, hoping she was there. He thought maybe she would want a break from watching the pups, or half a break while they talked and he could keep an extra pair of eyes on the pups. They were always easier to handle when Raven was actually around.

Tags are for reference! Sorry it took me so long to reply to this, Iris! The tag notification got buried in my PM box. >_>

Lately, the pups were a nightmare symphony that consisted of four distinct chords. Each one of them knew precisely how to pluck her nerves just like guitar strings, and while she loved them and wouldn't trade any of this for the world, Raven was feeling a bit frazzled. Had her younger siblings ever been this much of a handful? If they had, she couldn't remember it. @Vasa and @Owen were the biggest troublemakers: two headstrong, stubborn pups hell-bent on doing things their own way and taking no shit from that doormat they called "mom". @Phoebe and @Kite seemed to be a bit more level-headed, but it didn't take much temptation for them to follow the bolder two around in their mischief. Raven knew that these traits would one day yield strong, independent wolves who could handle whatever life threw at them -- and she was grateful for that! really! -- but man, was it war in the trenches right now.

The pups were permitted to play freely outside the den now, but she had just retrieved Vasa and Owen from their 8,756th attempt to run off out of her sight that day and her patience was beginning to wear thin. In a brief flash of wicked villainy, she contemplated foisting them off on one of her trusty puppysitters for a while and getting some alone time to decompress. But she actually wanted her sitters to keep sitting, and nothing runs off a good babysitter like a couple of demon children dialed up to 11.

As if the universe had heard her thoughts, she heard the familiar voice of one of her oldest friends and favorite sitters approaching the den site. Oh thank god, she thought. Another warrior to help me corral these evil little minions. As Eljay drew near, Raven flashed him a warm smile and her tail thumped the ground behind her as she lay in the grass. "Hey!" she greeted him, as the toothily-grinning pups realized they now had a new target to beat up and began to toddle toward him, tiny tails wagging to and fro.

Eljay's tail began to wag as he heard Raven's voice and saw the stream of pups come from the den. He didn't mind being the victim of their play at all -- he could play all day, every day. They seemed to be growing so fast, too. Even though he saw them every day, Eljay could barely believe how big they were getting already. "Hey you!" he said, to the pups at first as he greeted them with wagging tail.

As the pups started to nibble at his legs and romp around Eljay looked at Raven and his smile softened. "Heya," he said and for a moment he just stood there with a goofy smile. "Uhm -- I thought you might like a little break, or just, half a break and have a chat." Eljay left it in the middle which one she could choose; either was fine for him. Though he hoped she'd pick the latter option, of course.

no problemo, i returned the favour with another late reply, hehe :)

The pups gathered around Eljay's legs, babbling and yipping gleefully in a flurry of wagging tails and wiggling bodies. She was relieved to have backup, and for a moment, she almost accepted his offer of a break. Almost. But then she sighed and shook her head tiredly, though the smile on her face never faded. "No, they're being little pains in the butt today, so I should probably stay." Eljay was better at dealing with them than she was. The Blackthorn had so much more patience than she did, and he still possessed that joyful, puppyish playfulness that most wolves lost as they matured into adulthood. Those qualities made for an excellent puppysitter, and she was so glad he was Redhawk's sitter and not someone else's.

"It's nice to see you though. It's been a while. Come get comfortable -- if those little monsters will let you -- and let's visit a while."

His tail wagged excitedly in greeting to the pups as he nipped each of their faces briefly. Though Eljay had been rather involved in Raven and Quixote's lives through the pups, he often was the one to watch them while they took a break, so hadn't had much personal interaction with either of them lately. It was a little strange feeling almost like he was part of their family through the pups. "Oh no, are they having a bad day?" Eljay reiterated and he frowned thoughtfully as Raven said she should stay considering how the pups were. He considered offering to take over nonetheless and give her some time off their pain-in-the-butt-ness, but then he decided against it. It'd be nice to have a chat with Raven instead.

As Raven offered that he could try to get comfortable as best he could despite the pups, Eljay chuckled and accepted the invitation. He found a comfy spot to lay down -- after making sure the excited pups didn't get caught underneath -- and looked at Raven. "How did giving birth go?" he asked curiously; he had not been there, and since she was here healthy and all he assumed the birth'd gone well enough... but as midwife and aspiring medic Eljay was curious anyway. It was perhaps not the best topic for a chill sunday afternoon catching up chat, but Eljay'd never been a star at those anyway.

"Not bad," she answered, her eyes following Vasa as the girl was momentarily distracted by a wayward butterfly. Fortunately, the girl's short attention span soon lost interest in the insect and she returned to Eljay. "They're just a lot to deal with today. Pushing boundaries. You know, being puppies." Her friend seemed a little indecisive and for a moment, Raven thought he was going to insist that she take a break and let him handle the pups. But then he relented, finding a spot and hunkering down. The pups, of course, never ceased their onslaught, and as Eljay sank down to their level, they piled onto him like a tiny horde of adorable zombies. Raven grinned as she watched, feeling that Eljay had already given her a break of sorts. At least they were chewing on him now and not her. ;)

He asked how the birth went, and Raven sighed softly. "It was rough, to be honest." She recalled how it felt to hold her two dead firstborns -- Seagull and Grey Jay -- in her arms, before the others had arrived. The feeling broke her heart all over again, but she didn't let it show on her face. She didn't want Eljay to think that he had upset her. He hadn't, but the subject certainly wasn't easy. "My first two were stillborn. I thought I had lost them all. But then Vasa came, raising about as much hell then as she does now." She grinned, knowing that Eljay would totally understand what she meant. Vasa was a wild one. "Owen was next, then Kite, then Phoebe. Everything went perfectly after the first two, but I admit -- I do wish you could have been there." She smiled at him, knowing that his midwife skills were important to him and wishing she could have helped him gain more experience. It had all happened so suddenly, though, she hadn't had time to call.

Eljay smirked when the pups came clambering all over him and chewing on him. He nodded at Raven's words. Some days were just worse than others, though in his experience, the days that were the worst for the caretakers were usually not bad days for the pups... It was the pups' good days that were the worst for the caretakers. But at least that meant it was worth enduring all of it for, because the pups were having a nice time.

As Raven retold how her delivery had gone, Eljay frowned thoughtfully as he listened. Raven seemed rather calm under the circumstances, though Eljay didn't understand why. He couldn't imagine a world where he would not be devastated to go through such a thing as a father, let alone as a mother. It was very weird and alienating and Eljay smiled awkwardly when Raven told him about Vasa raising hell, feeling weird. Luckily the moment passed soon as she started telling him more about her live-born pups. Eljay smiled softly as Raven said how everything went well after that. "I'm glad that it all went well after such a rough start," he said. "It... It must've been heart-breaking." He frowned; though he didn't want to bring back any negative memories, he also wanted Raven to know that he was sympathising with her and that he would do anything he could to help, even if it was just listening or lending a shoulder.

Holy cow, sorry this took me so long! School + work is killin' me right now. x_x

To Eljay's observation, Raven nodded as an uncertain smile flickered over her features. She wasn't sure how to act when it came to the subject of her dead children, so she usually opted for polite deference. "...It was," she responded a little hesitantly. Silence fell for a beat, before she continued, "It...was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, actually. I just kept looking at them...looking at them...hoping they would wake up." She felt a shiver deep in her belly as the memory replayed in her mind. It was difficult to go back to those moments, but somehow she felt that Eljay would benefit from knowing what it was like. As one of the most accomplished and trusted caregivers in their pack -- not to mention the most qualified midwife they had -- it was important that he understand not only the physical ramifications of infant death on new mothers, but also the mental and emotional tolls it took.

She shook her head as if the movement could disperse the ugly images of those tiny, still forms. "I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on it, though, before it was Vasa's turn. I've never been so happy to hear a puppy cry." Her eyes lingered on her eldest daughter as she spoke, and a strange sense of gratitude filled her. In a way, the little black bird had saved her.

no problem Houkie, I've been busy enough too <3

Eljay frowned as Raven recounted how terribly hard it had been to lose her children. He felt a bit guilty for making her recount the story but there wasn't much he could do to change that now. Eljay decided maybe it was better to shut up about it now, as he didn't want to hurt his friend.

Luckily soon the subject turned to better matters -- the surviving pups, or the first of them, rather -- and Eljay smiled softly. "I'm glad they... I'm glad." He wasn't really sure what else to say about the matter. It felt so nice to be here with Raven; Eljay had missed her terribly when he had been gone and then he had missed her even more terribly when they were on avoiding terms with each other. "I can't wait to see how they'll all grow up -- they're such a lively great bunch already." Eljay smiled fondly at them, happy that he could play a part in watching them grow up.

Raven too felt warm and happy in the company of her friend, and as they chatted, things seemed to settle into a sense of serene perfection for a moment. It was hard to recount the loss of her two firstborns, but somehow it was easier to talk about those things with Eljay. His quiet, gentle presence made talking about difficult subjects more comfortable, somehow.

She nodded in agreement with his comments, and added, ”They sure are. I can’t wait either.” Then, turning her eyes sidelong toward him, she quirked a grin and asked, ”Think you’ll ever find a girl and have some pups of your own, Eljay?”

Eljay smiled as Raven echoed his statement. It was like being a special uncle in a way, or maybe a brother. Raven's next question caught Eljay off-guard a bit. He hadn't thought much of it, though this comment was perhaps the catalyst that made him think of it more -- as he would think of how much he loved Owen and the others while watching the stars and wonder if he would have something like this on his own; perhaps he would not have without Raven's comment.

But for now he felt awkward, which showed. "Oh, uh -- I hadn't thought of it much, I guess." He hoped to have pups of his own some day, but wasn't sure if he would find a girl who'd love him some day. He had never been in love. "I'd love to be a dad some day, though." Eljay smiled, though there was a certain melancholy to that smile because of his realisation that it may never happen. It had always been 'when he grew up, of course' but this was the first time he realised he hadn't ever thought of it much, while somehow assuming that he would some day be a dad. Now, he realised that may not be the case.

Eljay was a special individual. Different. Some of those differences perhaps weren't what many she-wolves might seek in a mate -- "strong" and "bold" seemed to be the most alluring traits when it came to selecting a mate, and Eljay was neither of those. Rather, he was intelligent, compassionate, and sensitive. He was possessed of the type of naivety and innocence that made him perfect for the roles he fulfilled in the pack, and it was those many unique qualities that Raven had always adored. Underneath the adult exterior, he had always had a childlike charm and youthful outlook on the world. Perhaps some would have considered it weakness. Raven, however, thought it much deeper than that.

A rare male requires a rare female, though, and she knew in her heart that there was someone out there for him, some special woman who would love and appreciate him the way he was. And when that day came, she couldn't wait to give them her blessing to have a litter of their own. "I think you would be the best dad," she commented with a warm smile, her tail lightly brushing the ground behind her. "You've always been so great with kids, and you're wonderful with mine. I'm so glad they get to spend so much time with you." She knew he would appreciate the praise, and she meant every word of it too.

Eljay felt a little flustered at the compliments that Raven gave him. He hadn't considered much being a father himself because he wasn't sure if that was something that would ever happen. Maybe it just wasn't for him, all things considered. Instead of overthinking the whole 'becoming a dad some day' thing, Eljay decided to just focus on what Raven said about how great Eljay was with the pups. "Aw, thanks," he said, a little sheepishly, clearly not really sure how to respond to the overwhelming positivity. He was not sure he'd ever be a dad, but he was sure grateful to have the opportunity to help raise the other pups in the pack, nonetheless. "They're great, I'm glad I can help you guys out with them."