Broken Antler Fen Dance

Just when Lele thought that she had put past behind her and was at peace with it, it hunted her down again. The dream that came to her at the end of a very hot and eventful day, had been pleasant in the beginning. She was in love again - that beautiful, warm feeling in her belly, that beaming smile coming so effortlessly, that amazing sense of being appreciated by someone, adored even. As badly as this chapter of her life had ended, she would never want to forget it or change the way it had been. If it had been up to her, then she would keep just the good memories about it, cutting the bad out. But that's not, how life works. And that's the sad thing about nightmares - they start nice enough and then things turn foul. 

They attacked her from the darkness. She heard their growls and snarls, their hot breath against her neck, teeth pulling at her fur, tearing the skin, pain, blood, fear. Her eyes snapped open and for many moments she remained lying there, staring ahead with bewilidered gaze, breathing heavily. It took a while for her to realize that she was far, far away from those, who had wronged her, which helped her to calm down. Somewhat groggily she got to her feet  and padded over to the little creek nearby to take a drink. Though still tired, she was not keen on falling asleep again for the fear of nightmares continuing.

Eljay let out a tired yawn as he got up and exited the den to take a sip of water. He stretched his limbs and then headed towards the creek. He didn't expect to see anyone else there, so when he first noticed Ukulele (he guessed, since she was the only new wolf he hadn't yet met) Eljay startled. He soon recovered and said, Up for a drink too? Judging by the way she looked, he guessed that she had just woken up as well; she looked rather tired, after all.

Lele had not expected to meet anyone at this hour of the night, therefore Eljay's appearance startled her, she jumped and choked on water. It took a while for her to cough it all out - then she turned to eye the male in a somewhat distrusting manner. He had a pleasant and good-natured aura about him and, while fear still lingered somewhere in her gaze, she softened it by a friendly wag of her tail. "Best water in the vicinity," she replied him with something just as silly as he had began the conversation with. 

"You are Eljay, right?" she asked. They had not formally met, but she deduced that the pungent smell of a lot of puppies that was draped all over him like a cloak was a tell-tale sign enough. He was - after all - the only official father around. "Name's Lele - I am a recent recruit," she introduced herself.

Eljay felt a little guilty when she nearly choked on her water. His face displayed an apologetic bashfulness not very befitting of an Auspex; anywhere but in Brecheliant, anyway. It was easily swiped away by the way that she said it was the best water in the vicinity. Eljay might not be very good at humour, but he could recognise a joke when he saw one and he grinned at it.

As she asked if he was Eljay, he nodded. Welcome to Brecheliant, he said with a soft smile. I hope it finds you well so far. How'd you end up joining? Her name had a familiar ring to it, but Eljay couldn't quite place it. Well, never mind, maybe it'd come to him at some point.

Lele chuckled, when Eljay's response to her choking on water was welcoming her to the pack. Alright, alright - it had not happened in that order, but still. It had been a long time, since anyone had drawn a laugh out of her, and she found that she did not mind. It reminded her of happier times, though not specific events.

"I met Maia during summer and with winter coming, I needed a place to stay," she explained. "I used to travel with a group of other nomads, but that pack has since dispersed and being on one's own during winter season is very difficult," suicidal, if we want to be more precise. But Lele - despite all that she had gone through and the fairly melancholic/somewhat cynic look on the joys of life - still wanted to live very much. That optimist in her that had been already laid down in a dug out grave had begun to pound on the lid, yelling that "I am not finished yet!".

Eljay was unclear whether he was being laughed at or if Lele was simply amused, but regardless of whichever it was he just smiled at her in response. Then Lele went on to explain that she had met Maia in the summer and that she needed a place to stay. It made sense; winter was rough and to Eljay it seemed impossible for any wolf to survive it alone without a pack. He was glad that Lele had found Brecheliant for safety, then.

He nodded to acknowledge Lele's further words, confirming his own thoughts. I'm glad you found us, then, Eljay said with a soft smile. After a short silence he then added, What about after winter? Do you think you'll continue travelling, or maybe stick around here? Soon after saying it Eljay felt kind of guilty; Lele had not joined Brecheliant all that long ago, so how could she possibly even know right now?

It was not Lele's first rodeo, when interacting with pack wolves. This question always sprang up and she had always found it odd that people were so very certain that there was a future for each of them. Sure - building dream castles was a nice thing to entertain yourself, but the cold hard truth was that they had only the present moment. The past was dead and the future had not yet happened. And rather than moving along a certain line on a graph, you were a dot in a chaotic universe. Going, wherever you were tossed and hoping that it would turn out well.

But she was not going to bore Eljay with philosophy - that had not been the reason for his question. Therefore she chose a standart honest answer that she had given to Teya upon joining: "I will attempt to survive winter first." She paused, wondering, if her reply had been to curt or impolite. She did not wish to offend him in any way, but over time her people skills had got rusty. Without knowing a person especially well, she had no idea, how their minds worked. "I don't usually plan much ahead," she decided to elaborate. "There is too much uncertainty about everything." 

At first Eljay thought that maybe her saying she would attempt to survive winter first was a joke. However, it was clear from her face that she wasn't joking and so Eljay tucked back away whatever chuckle he might've prepared to throw out there. He knew that it could be rough out there, but he didn't expect someone young and with a pack to boot to kick the bucket. Was it a genuine worry? Or was it simply that she didn't like making plans?

Before Eljay could muster a new response — a question, perhaps, if she was genuinely worried to die — she said she didn't plan ahead much, and he nodded in response. It was an answer to his question, or at least halfway there: It was a possible explanation as to why she wanted to see if she survived winter first. Yeah, I guess, Eljay responded eventually, and he thought of his own departure — flight — from Redhawk Caldera. He'd thought he would raise his children there and that he would grow old there, with Maia, with the children. And instead, he had come here, and he had become Auspex because the rest of the pack wanted it so; a thing he thought unimaginable. It's true that you never know what life has in store. I do plan to keep you alive, though. Eljay grinned a little sheepishly as he said the words. Just in case it was interpreted as an indirect question or pressure for Lele to stay, Eljay quickly changed the subject by saying, So, what sort of things do you like to do for fun?

Lele found Eljay's remark about planning to keep her alive weird. On one side there was her nomad's independence baring teeth about "my survival is none of your business" , on the other confusion, because it seemed as if her genuinely meant it. As with many things in life that came with being a social creature, having someone, who shoved concern about her, did not feel right. Or... not something that could be taken for granted.

"Fun?" she furrowed her brow and cast a nervous glance around. Then shrugged and replied honestly: "I do not do fun." 

It surprised Eljay to hear Ukulele say that she didn't 'do' fun. Everyone did fun. Or, at the very least, Eljay very much believed that everyone needed fun in their lives. Maybe Ukulele had needed to survive so much in her life so far that she hadn't had time for it; but hopefully that would change now.

Everyone needs fun in their life, he said; a surprisingly resolute statement considering Eljay was who and how he was. What do you do to unwind? When you want to relax? He tilted his head curiously. It seemed like it might be quite a challenge to find out where Lele's fun zone was.

Eljay's refusal to drop the subject entirely annoyed Lele, but she did not show it outwardly. Instead she listened, brow still furrowed, eyes trained on him. He insisted that everyone did it and by saying so he had unwittingly made her feel, as if she was abnormal of sort. It was one thing, when you knew it yourself, but it was very different, if someone else pointed it out. She knew she should not take this to heart, but it stung nevertheless. 

Besides that she felt pushed in the corner by his next question. Again the rational part of her mind brought forward a feeble argument that he meant well, that all things considered this was just a small-talk to get to know better. That he really tried to keep up a conversation etc., etc., etc. (this is, where she stopped paying attention to this voice and fully immersed herself in the emotions). "I sleep," she told curtly and pressed her lips together, wondering if this was a good hint enough that she no longer wanted to discuss this.

Her response was very curt, and brought his perceived process to an alarming halt. Eljay suddenly found himself feeling stuck in the conversation and wished he could rewind just a little bit to get back to a more comfortable place. But he knew the only way out was forward.

Oh, uh, well, that's quite alright, he said politely, though feeling like an idiot for fumbling over his words. Well, I should head back. Thankfully, pups were always a good excuse to pop out of any conversation. It was nice to meet you. Eljay smiled somewhat awkwardly and then, unless stopped, started heading back to the den with large hasty strides.

A-a-a-a-nd another failed attempt to socialize. "Good job, Lele!" said a little, sarcastic voice inside her head. Eljay was probably the nicest wolf in the pack right after Maia and she had managed to scare him off. She let him go, murmuring something indistinguishable under her breath, and watched him go.

Feeling rather disappointed in herself, she spent the rest of the afternoon hunting in the outskirts of the fen.