Lost Creek Hollow one by one, i hear them calling

while there is simplicity to routine, there is also staleness.

it takes stagnant and makes ingram want to crawl out of his skin.

patrolling. hunting. watching his sunchildren while ash paw steps outside the birthing den to stretch her legs —

the list of things to do is endless ... but ingram was never meant to be a simple househusband.

he stalks the borders rather than patrol them, moving with the restlessness of a caged beast.

Ash Paw knows well her dark incarnate husband was not handling this transition well. It was what it was. Crowfeather was left with her children on this day and she went in search of the dark male that had made her an honest woman, at least in the mental capacity.

She greeted him with a soft chuff of a hello and twisted her tail behind her and waited for him to tell her what was bothering him. Eyes tracing over the dark and white fur, the barely leashed energy. She wasn't sure if she could help him. But she'd try. or they'd fight and that may help too, who knows.

it is not one thing that makes ingram want to rebel.

it is the fact that he has always raged against any sort of authority but his own ( the months he spent obedient out of obsession notwithstanding ).

and the fact that everything he did wrong would not harbor consequences for ashpaw and their cubs.

the sound of footfalls draws ingram out of his thoughts, and ingram feels some of the tension melting out of his shoulders as he realizes it is ashpaw.

he greets her with a low, throaty rumble.

Ash Paw studies him with knowing eyes, but she doesn't speak at first. Unsure what it is exactly that's bothering him, but knowing something is. 

She realizes it could be any number of things, but if she had to guess it is the fact that he isn't in charge. Not that he needs to be in charge, but he's used to being in charge and able to do what he pleases and to have that cowled. Well she could understand herself, honestly. 

She was prideful in her own right. Haughty and a bit cruel in her machinations. 

What's weighing on you? Straight to the point as always.

ash paw finds him.

her question weighs heavy in his ears; a leaden crown he bears upon his head.

the truth of it might sound like a slight to her and the children ... which was not how he would mean it.

but he could not lie to her.

would not!

i am not good at being a subordinate. he bore it because, what else was he to do? basilica had fallen and while he was ok with it, he was afraid that he would soon slip and his consequences would fall on him and her and the cubs.

There are no words at first. He was thinking through his answer, not because he wouldn't want to tell her, but because he is a thinker. He always has been. Once upon a time, that drove her insane. Now it was a steady thing she liked. It sometimes, not often, but sometimes helped to cool her own ire.

A small smile. I know you aren't. But Neither am I. A lift of haughty head, a tilt to the side as always.

Then a frown. But I am unsure how to change that, and I'm not sure that I would want too. it is what makes you, you. and myself, me.

it's unfortunate, that. a wiry grin tugs at ingram's scarred lips.

i don't know about you, flamewife ... but trying to change me is impossible. a simple shrug of his shoulders is given. he wishes, for a brief moment, that he knew how to change. that he knew how to be a good subordinate, that everything in him did not rebel against authority.

it's a little easier knowing that what i do isn't just for me anymore. it ... helped, at least.

but it didn't seem to do much for the caged beast feeling that rose within ingram every now and then.

A soft shake of her head and she ghosted forward. Leaning to preen at his ruff and shoulder if he'd let her. Ash Paw was many things, but she understood the balance of things, the give and take. 

She laughed quietly and nodded. I know and I am much the same way. No one will be changing me anytime soon. I will always be prickly and haughty and wonderful. She teased with laughter on her tongue.

Perhaps someday we will not be subordinates anymore. Perhaps.

the nature of things could not be changed. it can be altered, ingram knows. pretending that he was anything but what he was in the effort of fitting in. for his cubs. for her.

but try as he might, this was not a skin ingram could shed.

maybe, ingram allows with a soft exhale. at any rate, i'm trying to take the days hour by hour ...and reign in the worst of my temptations.

Ash Paw chuckled. have you spoken to Crowfeather and Silvertongue. They are good leaders, but they do not know all there is. Perhaps if you help them to lead in someway, it may help you feel more aligned?

She didn't know if it would, but she also knew that if Ingram kept this up he would slowly either implode or wither away and that was not something she would want for him. And perhaps he wouldn't. One could never really tell.

ash paw's suggestion isn't a terrible one but ingram feels himself wanting to reject it immediately. he resists, instead letting a thoughtful pause linger before a soft sigh pushes past his lips.

in my experience leaders don't like being advised on how to lead. though largely he speaks of himself and automatically applies it to everyone else. too easily well intended advise could be taken as challenge.

no, it was best he just keep hoarding his truths within himself. he would either suffocate beneath the weight of them or they would dissolve.

She shook her head. Why did she try? She just wasn't sure. Sometimes she forget truly how stubborn Ingram could be. She understood though too of course. It had only been a suggestion. So she thought of another, but what she couldn't say. Still working on it, in her own mind, but at the quickening of her milk letting she knew it was time to feed the little ones. So she'd have to take her leave.

So one more little rougher tug to his ruff, just to let him know she was still as haughty and wild as she had been she'd take her leave.