Phoenix Maplewood li pale [m]

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the red wolf slept the slumber of the dead. she had found the maple forest and tucked herself at the base of the largest tree she could discover.
it had only been a day! when mireille woke it was in ravenous hunger. the flames continued to lick at her skin from the inside, a sort of poignant fever. how long would it go on?
she hunted. she ate, drank, bathed.
tomorrow mireille would cut into the valley. or perhaps today, if she was discovered here. not wanting yet to leave despite the pull, mireille returned to her chosen sleeping-spot and lay down, not to slumber but to watch the birds hopping on the branches above her head.

Totoro imagined these woods looked particularly splendid in full bloom. They wandered along forest paths beneath boughs just now sprouting pinkish blossoms framed in tender green buds. The air smelled clean following an earlier rain shower, though now the sun shone down through the branches, dappling the forest floor. All of it made them slightly nostalgic for the place where they had grown up, a distant holt Totoro hadn’t seen since dispersing the year previous.

They began to hum under their breath as they wended westward, unaware that they also had connections to this place through their mother. Sugar had never set in this particular forest. But had she been here with her child, she might have recognized the stretches of wilderness over yonder, where she had spent the first years of her life before quitting them for good and settling down with The Coven.

A new smell threaded into Totoro’s nose. It twitched and they paused, turning their head to scan the forest. They saw a bundle of red fur curled up near the roots of a towering maple, perhaps the grandest one in the whole woodland. It was a she-wolf, her head tilted upward to look at something. When Totoro followed her gaze, they saw a pair of finches hopping about among the maple blossoms.

Dropping their sky blue eyes, they waved their tail and called, Halloo!

the other figure was cheerful. mireille did not see open masculinity in them, and so she felt herself relax. the red wolf lifted a forepaw to gesture gently to the finches, which moved higher.
"i be havin' a friend called heda. she could tell us bot' de type of birds t'ese be."
and now her seastone eyes cast over the newcomer, curious. "what brings you along?" she had little reason to believe it would not be her. 
the crimson ears flicked, focused.

The she-wolf spoke to them with the casual familiarity of old friends, which brought a surprised but delighted smile to Totoro’s lips. They ventured nearer, head tilting upward again to spy on the pair of small birds flitting from branch to branch. They didn’t seem to pay the wolves any attention, though soon they winged so high that they were mere specks among the maple’s forking limbs.

Cassin’s finch, Haemorhous cassinii, Totoro said with a click of their tongue, adding a thoughtful, I think.

After a beat, their striking blue eyes dropped back to the stranger. She looked so cozy, cradled by the maple’s winding roots. Totoro backpedaled half a step and took a seat, to put them on more equal footing.

I smelled you, they answered, but do not worry, I am not here to bother you. I am curious, though. Totoro paused, pondering that word, then amended, I am surprised you are here by yourself. Every time I have crossed paths with a she-wolf in estrus, she has had an entourage of suitors hounding her back. Have you hidden yours behind a tree?

They looked around surreptitiously before turning their attention to her with a small smile and adding, I am Avery, though I prefer to be called Totoro.

the stranger's eyes piqued mireille, sending a flash of electric sensation through her awakened body. that the other offered respect satisfied the seawolf further. she sat up, shoulders freeing themselves of leaf litter with a languid roll.
it was rosalyn's laugh which sauntered now from her throat. "dey will find me, i am sure. four did."
some growing part of her wanted to shock the quiet, polite creature. "you know birds too. heda would love you." but her friend was far away from her, and mireille's blood was warming.
"i be marie," she offered to the other. "totoro it be." lips smoothed into a pleasant look. "suppose i wanted to be bot'ered?"

She sat up as she spoke, many and more words rolling off her tongue in an unfamiliar but pleasant cadence. Totoro was so caught up in her diction, it was a moment before they registered her words. Their eyes widened a fraction, then danced in amusement. Some she-wolves seemed to loathe the attention. It seemed better this way, when they embraced it!

It is lovely to meet you, Marie, Totoro said with a cant of their muzzle, and your friend, Heda, at least by proxy. They grinned. I would be more than happy to help you search for additional men for your entourage, if you like? I would offer my own assistance, though I am not a man, they continued almost thoughtfully, a look of mischief stealing across their face, nor a woman.

mireille's eyes darkened to a wanting green depth. "i have had my fill of men for now," the saltwolf purred. she drew up from the nesting of the mapleroots and moved quietly toward totoro, dropping low to her belly, undulating in a slink.
the brush of cooler earth against her stomach provoked a sigh from mireille, who rolled to one side and returned their sly look, grinning up into the domeblue gaze.
"not a man. not a woman." her beam was a querying gesture. "so you can love a different way. a t'ird way. not as a man. not as a woman." something she did not know. mireille did not reach to touch them with more than her eyes.

Marie insisted she’d had her fill of men, earning a chuckle from Totoro. They admired her candor and confidence; she was in complete control of a situation during which many felt heckled, helpless and vulnerable. The sound burbled off into silence when she climbed from her nest and slithered to her belly mere feet from Totoro’s pale, primly tucked paws.

Their blue eyes followed the movement as Marie then flopped over onto one flank, emerald green eyes shining up at Totoro. She seemed intrigued by their declaration, which was of course deliberate. Before answering, they took a moment to notice her freckles from up close, eyes tracing from one to the next like stars in a constellation.

Marie’s comments did not bring forth another laugh, though they smiled. That was an interesting way of putting it. They thought about humoring her speculations about loving in some mysterious third way. But Totoro took after their mother, with her scientific mind and penchant for observing the natural world through a clinician’s lens.

Well, not exactly, they corrected lightly. Rather than a third way, I can do it both ways. Totoro hummed a laugh. Though it remains to be seen whether either set of seemingly intact external genitalia is in fact internally complete. That is to say, I do not know if I can bear children, one way or the other. Not for lack of trying! But I have only recently came of age.

They shrugged, unselfconscious. Totoro then decided to relax their anterior forward so they sprawled beside Marie, enjoying the cool tickle of the new spring grass. It smelled lovely, though perhaps that was in part Marie.

Is it strange, they mused, blue eyes sparkling, to talk about one’s genitals when we have only just met? They were always a subject of fascination and speculation where I was born. The Coven was always discussing what it might mean for me. They thought it magical, in a way. Sometimes I forget that it is not polite to speak so frankly of one’s ‘junk.’

they soon joined her, and mireille felt a little shyness stirring in her spirit. it was unlike how she had been these past few days, and a good deal of it was due to how easily the intimacy came into the conversation between she and totoro.
their explanation was eye-opening and intrigued mireille further. she had never heard of such things before, her world always ruled and nurtured by women.
"my mot'ers, dey always told us about de body. about de genitals, de womb, de way children be born." her emerald eyes sparkled. "i cannae get anyone pregnant," she chuckled. "luck t'ere."
it was as if the sky itself had poured itself into the sapphires of light worn as eyes by the other wolf. "it do not be strange to me."
she felt her heart caught in an odd rhythm, responsive to totoro in a different way than she had been with the men. with them she knew what to expect now, and it all fairly followed a similar pattern. but she had not lain with a woman, nor had she indulged with others who fell in neither arrangement.
"de coven?" she questioned lightly, choosing this moment to seek the beautiful eyes once more with her own.

“My mothers…” Totoro’s head tilted ever so slightly at the plural, though they of course did not interrupt Marie. Her words reminded them of their own mother, who had long studied anatomy only to birth an anomaly. The blue-eyed wolf shifted slightly as they recollected Sugar’s tales of performing autopsies, though such a macabre mention did not belong in this conversation.

I do not know whether I have a preference, they mused in turn, between impregnating or falling pregnant myself. I suppose the former would be easier. Childbirth is extraordinary, though I am not sure I want to experience it. I do want children someday, I think, if it is possible one way or another. I suppose you do as well, given your dalliances?

Their eyes caught and Totoro smiled warmly. There was a question in Marie’s eyes that soon came to her lips. “The Coven?” That made them once more ponder the mention of Marie’s mothers.

Aye, I was raised by my mother and a sisterhood of witches! they pronounced enthusiastically. I do not know my father, nor did I meet many men before I dispersed as a yearling. Though I have mostly kept to myself this past year, I have met a few since. I have trysted with them, with a few women too. All of them were some manner of mystified by what they found, Totoro shared with a hearty chuckle.

There was a dark side to that story too, though like their mother’s penchant for dissecting corpses—wolves as well as other animals—it didn’t bear repeating. Nonetheless, they momentarily reflected on the time when a man had mounted them only to discover more parts than he had bargained for. He had shoved Totoro away in disgust. He hadn’t harmed them physically, though the heavy weight of that memory lingered.

Tell me about your mothers, they asked in the next breath.

tell me about your mothers.
mireille's eyes tightened in spite of herself, face opening into a raw sort of pain she had shown no other upon her long foray from home. 
before that, she had been fixed upon the sound of totoro's voice, watching their mouth move and wondering if it was as finely careful in all things as they were with their speech.
it would be a lie to say she was not definitively piqued by the other's body, these things that had been seen and dazzled others, but mireille would say nothing upon this. she did not want totoro to feel valued only for their flesh, despite her own current mindset.
"i do want children," the seawolf heard herself answering hoarsely, and now she rolled to her back, gazing up toward the interlocking maple-branches. "dat why i be out here. my mot'ers, dey raised ah, twenty? children." a laugh! were they so numerous?
"my maman erzulie, she died dis year, protectin' de pack from a bear. i be out here for her, for our people. our ways. to do as she did. to bring children in de names dat built us." passion, resonating, and now mireille swallowed, quieted, smiled gently toward totoro. "i have no da." it felt good to say. it hurt to say. "only mot'ers an' sisters, so many, an' aunties now. an' dis be my first year of age as well." they were not alone.

A small furrow appeared in between Totoro’s eyes when they saw the way Marie’s face shifted at the question. They sipped in a breath and held it as they waited for their new friend to reveal what manner of pain they had unwittingly unearthed. When they released it a moment or two later, there were also tears pricking the corners of their eyes.

I cannot imagine… they said quietly, thinking of how bereft they would feel if anything ever happened to Sugar. I left The Coven as a yearling, though often I go back to visit my mother and the witches. I know one day she will not be there to receive me, though I try not to think of it. I am so sorry for your loss, Marie.

They ventured to reach out a paw and gently place it over hers, just for a moment. Totoro then withdrew it and sat pensively for a moment, the furrow on their forehead deepening. Then their face relaxed a bit and their blue eyes sought Mireille’s green gaze.

You will do your mother a great honor in following in her footsteps, I think. They paused, a hesitance to their whole demeanor before they asked, And what about your other mother?

the touch was welcome. it reminded mireille she was not so alone in this wild land full of men and empty of those she loved. already all of her ached for the sea, and she still felt the tearing in her heart as newly as it had been when she left those shores.
some part of her wanted to confide this in totoro. surely the gentle soul with the kind sky-eyes which softened rather than pierced — perhaps they might understand.
but no;
mireille must guard them all, her sisters, mother, nieces, nephews.
"she is sad. confused. my mot'er an' she were tog'eter a long, long time." 
mireille felt as though the scintillating heat inside her was so misplaced, annoying. a frustration.
"it be a hard t'ing, to lose a mot'er." an understatement. "what you have left is what she gave you. what you remember."
once more, green and blue meeting.

They knew the answer would be tragic, though their heart still squeezed when Marie shared her living mother’s condition. It made Totoro think again of Sugar, who had dearly loved her child but never seemed remotely interested in sorting out Totoro’s paternity or involving a partner in any way.

I really cannot imagine, they repeated sympathetically. I think our families and upbringings are quite similar, although my mother never seemed interested in romance. She and the witches raised me to love freely and without strings. I do not think any of them were mated, nor were there any other children in The Coven. Some of them proudly referred to themselves as crones.

Totoro’s lips pursed thoughtfully as they reflected, comparing and contrasting what they knew against what Marie had shared with them. They then revisited earlier in the conversation, specifically their musing about children. If they could bear young from their own body, they supposed they planned to follow in Sugar’s footsteps. But what if they could only plant a seed in another’s?

It was a foregone conclusion that the men Marie took as lovers would not be involved in their offspring’s lives. She was a lovely she-wolf and Totoro wouldn’t mind wandering down that path with her simply for the companionship and pleasure of it. But what if it resulted in children? Totoro would never know if they were theirs and might not have a place in their lives either way.

Nonetheless, the thought stirred their awareness of her heat. Totoro shifted slightly, rolling onto their elbow. This moved their upper body away from Marie, though only to afford them a better look at her face again. The two of them had connected so quickly. Just looking into Marie’s eyes made their heartbeat quicken.

it was indeed what mireille needed, this shift inside herself.
what was it to be woman?
she felt she did not know. now she knew the physical act between men and women, by turns brutish and touching.
their eyes met, and mireille felt the distinct sensation of being seen. not observed or scrutinized, not judged or mistaken.
only seen.
she turned her paw until it rested atop that of totoro, then slid her touch slowly up the nimble foreleg. mireille wanted to speak but she felt that the conversation between their gazes was enough, understanding without the flagrant posture of man or the reserved quietude of a woman.
want, curiosity; no hesitation. not this time.
she let her eyes form the communion.

Marie returned their gaze. Much passed between them, especially when Totoro reached out to not just sniff noses but tentatively rub them together. They grinned at the intimate silliness of it but did not pull away, especially when they felt Marie’s paw glide up their foreleg.

If we were to couple, we would never know if I gave you children, though surely you will bear a litter. You will raise them in your late mother’s, Erzulie’s, memory, along with your surviving mother, your sisters, your aunts and your cousins. They will be cherished, like Sugar cherished me.

None of it came out with the inflection of a question, though Totoro paused and slanted their muzzle to gaze deeper into Marie’s eyes. Even before she could voice an answer, they saw confirmation in those jeweled depths.

Maybe I could offer my assistance, after all. What do you think, Marie? Of lovemaking with someone who is neither man nor woman… or maybe a bit of both?

totoro understood that this would be over when they parted, and whatever life mireille might soon carry would belong to her alone.
she suddenly grew emotional, to be regarded with such respect. in answer she drew closer, ruffling the side of the pretty muzzle gently with her own breath.
her laugh was low and rich.
easy now, somehow, knowing they would not see each other again. mireille crooned softly and now laid her second forepaw against the other of totoro's, kissing their throat with aching softness.
"lovemakin'," mireille whispered, finding it a gentle word and too apt for how she and her companion already touched one another.

Marie moved closer, a laugh in her throat. Totoro’s ears flicked at the noise, a smile in their eyes and on their lips. Their heart began to beat even harder than before, excitement mounting. Whatever came of it, the act itself would be pleasurable, especially with someone as lovely as Marie.

They drew in a sharp breath when she kissed their throat, arching their head to encourage her. Totoro had always enjoyed being kissed on their neck. The sensation sent tingles down their spine, prompting a delicious, whole-body shiver before they shifted to return the favor. Gradually, their exchange grew more sensual…

First enchanted by their conversation, secondly by their connection and thirdly by their union, Totoro did not notice the stripe on Marie’s spine until afterward. Their expression grew thoughtful for a moment before they put it out of their mind, curling closer to her savor the last few moments of their intimate rendezvous.

different. different.
there was no way to categorize totoro's responses, and this pleased mireille. she and they moved seamlessly between roles, and she wound her voice with theirs.
her brow furrowed to see a mirroring stripe, but like totoro she welcomed the distraction, embracing their warm and lithe body.
it was good, she felt, good to lie like this after the hard drive of men she then spurred away.
her body relaxed, and again she did not speak, her body sparkling with her season and the satiation that totoro had brought to her. she felt it had been mutual, ducking her muzzle to preen gently at the base of their ear.

Few of Totoro’s previous partners had indulged in the afterglow. They were in no particular hurry, happy to bask in the warmth of their brief connection. They hummed contentedly as Marie nosed at their ear, lazily tipping their head to give her better access.

Part of them wanted to ask if they might ever see her again, though their mutual understanding stayed their tongue. This was it. No matter their fluid and spiritual bonds, Marie would go back to her sisterhood and Totoro would do what they had been doing the past year: wandering from place to place, meeting all sorts and experiencing all the world had to offer.

They didn’t know it yet but something about this tryst had shifted something inside them. Perhaps it was this deep, subconscious knowledge that finally allowed them to slip from Marie’s embrace and find their feet. They grasped her paw between both of theirs and kissed both of her cheeks, murmuring well wishes, then with some reluctance began to walk away.

mireille allowed herself to be kissed; caressed. it was with the same echo of regret in her heart that she watched them go, appreciative of their comprehension and the long pretty lines of their lovely body.
something thumped in her heart; turned over.
mireille lifted herself, looking back once at where their bed had been. a small smile tugged at her mouth, and then she went away in a direction opposite totoro.
she would remember they and their sky-eyes in her dreams.