Fox's Glade My silent lips

indra's sudden change in demeanor from vulnerable to locking-up-shop was done quick as a pin-drop -- and as she shuttered closed the last windows into her true feelings, she could tell she had hurt him. incidentally, it had not been what she wanted -- and seeing the wounded expression steal across xan's face like smoke across a flame -- well, it hurt her too.

where could she start? even if he wanted to help her, was she helpable? was she even fixable? and by him? of all the wolves she expected to someday unravel in front of, god, it was never him..

but she needed something, she needed closure. just like xan needed something, and needed that support. she didn't want to lose it over her own stupid pride! she grasped, trying to mete out enough that xan would feel mollified, but not give so much away that she betrayed laurel in the process (and die she would, by her own words, if she ever betrayed laurel..).

so, indra lied.

she lied in the way she had learned to do; to shift the conversation and tell a half-truth, while omitting all else. it made her a believable liar. it made her practiced. and most of all, it made her hardened -- made her invincible where she might before fall short of her sword.

"i left merrick behind," indra spoke dumbly, knowing he would probably know by now her son was no longer accompanying them. "and i pulled laurel away from the hollow when we should have stayed.. then we went on a wild goose chase for wyatt, and he didn't come.. and we went back to the hollow, and there was no room and nunataq and merrick were gone--" her voice became tight with genuine sorrow, for it was not often she dared allowed herself to think of how dirty she had done merrick; how she had selfishly saena'd him right up after swearing like an idiot she would never become her mother. "and..." her expression was distraught as she imparted the last of her heavy news. "lucas.. he's dead."

and all because, in a round about way, indra had dragged laurel from bearclaw. wouldn't the world be so much different, if she had just stayed put?

bet lucas would still be alive, thought indra bitterly.