Stone Circle ilakka

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title: my family
@Kallik

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It had been many weeks since he had left Aningan. His uncle was finally able to manage without him, and so he had set off on the long journey back home. To his family, his friends. He knew his aunt would welcome him home, of that there was no doubt, but his siblings… they were a whole other story. He knew they were going to be upset, he could only hope that seeing him alive and well would ease some of the anger.

He had longed for this day, since he realized his father had no intention of bringing him back. Selamuit knew the reasons, now, not that his father had been the one to tell him. Did he agree with those reasons, Sela didn’t know. He had no children of his own. But there had been a time when he had hated his father for his decision. To abandon his other children, in the name of protecting them. Bullshit. No Sela had been furious. But that was long ago, and it had been many moons since he had last seen his father.

Now he stood on the outskirts of Easthollow territory, a broad grin on his lips. He approached gleefully, joyful in a way that had been forbidden for so long. But the lingering scent never grew. The barely there whispers of his pack were gone.

Slowly the smile slipped from his face, as he felt the air and listened to the earth.

Dread and discouragement lingered in the air. The sinking feeling he had felt for miles reached a breaking point. His senses had told him the rational, logical conclusion and yet he thought that just maybe the improbable was probable. Surely he had to be wrong. Easthollow had stood forever; since before even his father had entered the Wilds, his aunt even.

Yet now there was no refuting it. Easthollow stood no longer.

Selamuit slowly drifted throughout the territory. A pale ghost haunting the meadow of his birth. The resting place of his mother.

It was here that Sela found himself. Stood solemnly before the Pilgrim Stone.

It will be named the Pilgrim Stone to remember her remarkable life and to take wisdom from her growth.

He could still hear his aunt’s voice on that fateful day. He doesn’t remember much, but bits and pieces, the scent of cougar one of his earliest memories. Looking down sadly at where the stone met the snowy ground. He stepped forward, pressing his forehead against the stone, gently. As if his touch could break the rock that had stood for centuries.

”Anaana.” He whispered gently, barely louder than the breeze.

”Anaana, they’re gone.” His whisper broke. His family was truly gone. For once he was well and truly alone.

His intention was to scout this side of the mountains, see if anything had changed and report it back to the imperator. The time on his own was much needed, and he would not make any mistakes this time. He was determined to be better. 

The closer he got to his birth place, the more the morbid curiosity to check it out had him going back on his earlier decision to never return. Avoidance was his way, but something drew him to stone circle despite the past he worked so hard to forget. 

He had an idea what his former home would look like, but he still wasn't prepared for how it would feel to see it after all this time. He regretted coming here; it only forced him to face things he wasn't sure he was ready for. 

He almost turned around and left but a familiar scent made him freeze. It was too recent to be old and something about it made it impossible not to track it to the source. 

It took a few moments for him to recognize the man who stood at their mother's stone. Selamuit. But how. His memories of the past were foggy and scattered, but he had been sure his entire family was dead. For a moment, he felt like he couldn't breath. But when he could finally take in a breath, he called out: Sealmuit? Disbelief still clouded his mind, but he would know his brother anywhere.

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He stood for what felt like hours, basking in the presence of his mother. He had never given much credence to the old witch lady back in Aningan, some great-great-aunt once removed, she always went on about the spirits and the gods. But here, here he felt like he could feel her, it brought him a sense of peace he hadn’t realized he had been missing.

A peace shattered by a single voice. Jumping, startled, Sela whipped around to stare wide-eyed at his brother. ”Kallik?” His accent wasn’t prominent until now, emotion over taking him. ”Is it really you?” Mindlessly he stepped forward, entranced. ”You’re still here? I was so worried. I couldn’t find the markers, and no one was here. Gosh, Kallik, I am so glad to see you.” He took another couple steps forward, the lost glee returning as he rambled happily.

Selamuit was happy to see him, he rambled on excitedly and moved closer. Kallik stiffened. He wanted to be happy also. After all, he thought his brothers and sister were dead, and now Selamuit stood before him. But no matter how much he wished he could feel the same as his brother, every feeling and thought inside him came together to form one thought: Where have you been? Why was he here now after all this time, after Kallik had been alone for so long. Did he even know their aunt had died? Kallik had watched it happen; he had watched the stone fall and crush the only family member he had ever connected with. And where was Selamuit for all of this? Where was his father? Was he also alive? 

Anger burned in his chest as he waited for an answer.

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Then he hesitated.

Tilting his head Selamuit took in his brothers body language, and his tone. He stopped. And took a step back, the smile dimmed, but didn’t leave. Sela knew Kallik would be angry, he had resigned himself to the fact long ago. But he had been without his brothers and sister for so long, he would gladly accept all the anger in the world.

”Dad. He took me with him. When he left.” Selamuit clinched his jaw, and looked down at the ground, over at his mother’s stone, and back to his brother. ”He, ah went a little crazy on our trip. Do you remember that Kallik? Dad and I took a trip, to visit our aunt. We were supposed to be gone a couple weeks, but we never made it.” Selamuit peered at his brother pleading him to see it hadn’t been his fault.

”I remember Taktuq cried to dad all night to let her come along, but he said no.” Sela gave a sob filled laugh. They had been so young, the journey unadvisable, even Valette had wanted Siarut to wait until Sela was older. But the old brute had been adamant. He waited with baited breath to see if his brother would remember, but he had little hope, it was so long ago now. And so clearly, a lot had happened since they had seen each other last.

He felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Bile stung the back of his throat. Kallik took a step back and shook his head. He didn't remember any of that. The only thing he could remember was a feeling of being abandoned. Now to find out that their father had taken Selamuit and no one else. What had Kallik done to be so undeserving of his father's attention? Why had he been left behind. All this time he was angry that fate had stolen his family and now to find out that his father had chosen to leave—it was too much. The truth hurt way more than the narrative his child mind had created and he wished more than anything that he knew none of it. He was already struggling with a never-ending anger, and now he felt like it might eat him alive from the inside out. 

Why did you two never come back? He wanted to turn and run from here, but he needed to know why. I was alone. I watched Valette die. He clenched his jaw and fought the surge of emotion that threatened to explode from him. And where were you? Where was dad?

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Sela cringed, frowning at his brother and his words. ”I wanted to, Kallik. I want to come back. I’ve though of nothing else since I realized what Dad had done.” Sela sighed, his head falling with a shake, ”But Dad….He said it’d be safer this way.” He hesitated again, sadness seeping into his being. He missed his father, not the shell he had become, but the man from before.

”He said a lot of things Kallik. Did a lot of things too.” Sela grumbled, just under his breath. Anger evident in his tone.

”I would have been here, had I a choice.” Lifting his head to find his brothers gaze once more. Searching for the brother he had said goodbye to all those years ago. ”I missed you, and our home.” There was a hint of question in his tone. An askance for acceptance, if only for the fact that they once shared a womb. And understanding that he hadn’t chosen this fate, just as Kallik did not choose his own.

The first and most painful thing he took from his brother's words was that their father didn't think it was safe for Selamuit to return. So he had only been concerned with the safety of one of his children. That betrayal ripped open the tentatively covered wound in his heart, and it hurt more than any pain he had ever felt before. What had once been just a whisper of a thought, now was a blatant truth he could never forget: his father didn't care about him. Kallik searched his mind for any evidence that suggest he had done something as a boy to poison his father to him, but as usual, he could never remember much; just foggy memories he couldn't place on his timeline. 

He tried to catch his breath after the decimating blow. He couldn't keep the pain from his face; it was as if his ability to conceal his every feeling was suddenly gone. Now everything felt completely overwhelming. He wasn't sure how he would get his shit together after this, but he knew he would need to before returning home. 

Kallik shook his head. I don't want to hear anything else about dad. It was weak but it was the only way he knew how to cope. Otherwise, he might crumble into pieces and never be able to put himself together again. 

After a slow intake of breath to soothe the stabbing pain in his chest, he swallowed and met his brother's gaze. Why are you back now?

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Sela couldn’t distinguish the emotion that flowed from his brother, but was confused by the rather standoffish reunion. Regardless, he tried not to let it phase him. He had no desire to speak of their father, he had his own demons with their father. He had no wish to speak of the man either.

“I told you, I missed home.” He replied, with a small smile that didn’t quite feel sincere. Something heavy settled in his chest. The word home, sounding strang on his tongue; lingering, unsettled. This was no longer home.

“Our family sends their regards. They would love to meet you, if you ever wish it to be.”  Sela dipped his head and offered a tight smile. This was still his brother. Surely, there was some warmth to be found in his eyes. Doubt seeped into Sela’s bones. Maybe this journey had been a mistake. He felt as though he stood on the edge of a cliff, one wrong step and something was going to give.

Our family sends their regards. The words felt like they slammed into his chest and brought his anger to its boiling point. How could he say that so nonchalantly? Like Kallik had not spent most of his life so far without any of his family. Like it had been his choice or something. 

Yeah, no thanks, he growled out when his brother mentioned they would like to meet him. Maybe they should have given more of shit while I was on my own. He could feel the anger surge again; his blood was hot and urged him to lash out. Instead, you all just left me. I do not need any of you, so leave me alone.

He was done with this. He lunged forward with a snarl and then turned his back on his brother. He had nothing else to say to him.