Stone Circle In eyes of father to son

As much as Astrid did not leave him. His stone prince, their first born did not stray from hers. She rested now finally and he had a moment of clarity.

He searched the evening light for @Ujurak now. He would not allow any of his children, adopted or blood to not know he loved them truly, deeply.

Grey eyes watched as the son of granite and soul lay nearby. Such a strong body even for a young man, but such a sweet gentle soul. Gunnar hoped it stayed.

Even days later, Ujurak still had difficulty standing without his legs shaking enough to send a tremor through the earth. The grueling sprint, the fear, the waiting all chipped away at him. So much of his energy, had drained away. He did not feel strong. Still, he stayed by his family's side. His father, mother, and littermates. All the while, waiting. The stone prince wasn't even sure what he was waiting for.

Was he waiting for his father to die? Was he waiting for some miracle that made him better? Wolves grew old. He knew that. Wolves die once they grow old enough. He knew that too. But.. what came next? What happened after someone...dies? He knew that in the spring, the flowers would come back. That the tree would have leaves.  But wolves didn't come back. At least, no one told him that they did. But no one was treating this like the autumn leaves. Astrid laughed about the autumn. She wasn't laughing anymore. No one did.

The endless barrage of questions within his own mind disturbed his rest. Or perhaps tonight it was that feeling of being watched. Ujurak lifted his head to see his father's eyes through the dark. His voice came out in a hushed whisper, for their family still slept nearby.

Faðir, are you not able to sleep?

Ujurak had much pressing on him now. A responsibility too much for his years. Not even years months. Still a baby. And it made Gunnar's eyes grow wet with the unfairness of it.

A tilt of hos head a small chuckle. I am wide awake. I've slept too much.

The old man shifted careful not to disturb Astrid too much. He sat to his haunches, paws shaky body feeling not his own. Oh to grow old was an adventure and one he found he wasn't a fan of.

How are you Ujurak? You have been so brave and so good, please remember that it is okay not to be those things all the time.

His father sat up and Ujurak picked himself off the ground and drew himself to Gunnar. Were he younger he would have nestled himself between his father's arms. Even as young as he was, he was growing quickly. He could not longer squeeze himself into his parent's embrace. Not without fear of toppling the old, unsteady wolf over. He gently pressed his cheek to his father's chest. The beat of his heart resonating within his ear. How he wished it not to stop.

I am scared. His shoulder's hiked as a sob rattled within his own chest. You were gone for so long, and now you are... A paw rose to wipe his nose. His eyes welled as he looked to Gunnar.

Did you know this was going to happen?

Ujurak was nearing a height that rivaled Gunnars own even as young as he was. However that didn't stop the older man from embracing his child. He was weak and tired, but there was still strength in his stocky figure to hug his son.

There is nothing wrong with being scared. It is what you do with that fear my love. I have been scared to my very marrow, but you mustn't let it rule you. They say it is brave men who fear nothing, i don't agree. I think brave men fear and know it for what it is and do what scares them anyway. I myself am scared.

Gunnar sighed softly and smiled as he licked at his sons face. Rubbed his muzzle along his cheek.

I knew i would die, yes. Everyone dies someday. Some sooner than others some later. However, the thing you don't know is when. It is why i tried to show my love, be honest and kind.

What happens after you die?

Ujurak readily returned his father's embrace. Eyes fixed firmly on Gunnar's face as his father wiped away his tears. As he always did. The ground fell away as he realized that his father would not be there to do so in the rapidly nearing future. Shouldn't he have understood that sooner? His grip tightened around his father's shoulders. To keep them both from slipping away.

I love you, father. I won't know what to do without you.

Gunnar made a soft noise in his throat. It depends on what you believe in. Some believe you come back as something or someone else. Some believe that you just disperse go to a higher power and your soul resides there. Your grandfather and I believe in the old Norse gods. That warriors will go to valhalla and feast and fight for all eternity. I believe I will go there, but to go with Freya may not be as bad. Eternal rest sounds nice.

Gunnar held his son to him as tight as he could. Rocking as he had done when he was young. The boy was growing to quickly for his age and Gunnar hated himself for it. But what was he to do. When your time was up, there was nothing you could do about it. 

You will take care of your siblings, your mother, yourself. You must always promise me to take care of yourself as well as others. It does not help anyone to run yourself down. You will love and laugh and live. You will breathe fresh air and on good days and sometimes bad days. You will think of me. You will remember me with fondness and perhaps some sadness and you will ask yourself sometimes what I may have done, but you will succeed and love and be amazing. That is what you shall do. I love you too my darling boy. So very much.

It was an unjust cruelty to be taken from his children. Even the older ones, but he knew it was what it was. However, he also had no doubt that his children would do well. Oh they would hurt and they would miss him, but he had done his best. He had taught them all that he could and he could only hope that they learned their lessons well.

Sounds like Astrid would like it there. The joke rattled weakly out of his mouth. He wasn't sure why he bothered with it, he couldn't laugh at it himself. Valhalla. It was someplace his father would go and he would be unable to follow.

Through bleary, turquoise eyes, Ujurak studied his father. How little he knew him beyond 'Faðir.' The Faðir of Kvarsheim. The oldest wolf he knew. Brave and strong and wise and kind. Could his father have ever been anything else? Could he, himself, be like his father?

Ujurak blinked, only to find the watery film across his vision once again. It didn't matter. He could still see his father. The metallic eyes that were shared with Sven. The earthen tones of his pelt that Astrid and Kristjan inherited. Where could he find himself? What part would be his to keep?

In his search the stone prince had fallen silent. The thump, thump, thump, within his father's chest resounded within his own. A cherished sound that almost obscured Gunnar's words.

But Ujurak listened. Receiving the instructions, he closed his eyes and hid his face within his father's fur. There was so much to do. Could he do any of it? Where would he start?

His voice was no more than a whisper, I promise.

That she would. She is indeed a shield maiden.





He blinked then and felt his son trembling against him. As he thought, his beautiful eyes full of questions and thoughts that he could not or would not voice. Gunnar knew this well.





You know Ujurak you are much like me at your age. And I lost my father, about your age. I felt lost for a time, but I Found myself. You are humble and kind and wise beyond your years. And it will hurt for a time, but you will persevere. I wish I could have taught you more, but I think the most important things are kindness and to always listen.

I am so sorry for the wait on this reply. Needed to refresh emotionally before continuing.

Even when greeted with silence, his father's insight was remarkable. An apt skill to accompany what he said. The importance of kindness. To listen. To love and to care. All things his father taught by example. Through words. Ujurak was not sure how else to be, but in many ways it seemed to be difficult. But through the trepidation, he allowed himself to foster a seed of curiosity.

It never occurred to him that he had not met his grandparents. To hear of his father's own loss as a child, it brought a strange comfort. His lifted his gaze. Do you still miss him? Is there something you wish he taught you when you were small?

You're fine. Emotions get the best of me sometimes too.

Gunnar had always been more of a listener than a talker. At least once he learned to listen. There had been a time when he was young and foolish and had talked more than he listened, but that was far in the past.

Gunnar nodded his head. I do more often when i need a fathers insight or I am unsure how to precede. But then i think of him and my mother both think of how they would react and choose the best option.

Gunanr laughed gently, sadly. I wish he had taught me his unshakeable faith in his gods. To believe so fully in something, but perhaps i did learn it. Just in a different way. Because i believe in you and your siblings older and younger. I believe in this pack and perserverance and love.

Each word Gunnar spoke was snatched greedily by his ears. Held tightly to chest along with every prior moment. To be sorted through at a later date. Something to guide him through his uncertainty.

What he understood came to him slowly. Youth, inexperience, and doubt addling his mind. Faith was a hard concept for him to grasp. But was it not faith to still believe in his father when the man admitted to him his own doubts?

I believe in you too. As he did his mother. And Tauris, and Skáld. His littermates. He had many others to believe in, didn't he?

Ujurak lifted a forearm to wipe his eyes. They had grown heavy and the wellspring from which his tears flowed had dried. The lingering flush left a heat in its wake, barely soothed when he closed his eyes. His grip around his father loosened, not quite ready to let go. Emotions tempered by his own exhaustion, he stared at his arms. Fur pressed and tearstained. He sniffled loudly.




Thank you for the hug.

Gunnar hoped he had said enough, done enough, been enough, and gave enough for hia children and pack mates. He would hate to leave them lost.

The old man was unsure how else to help. So he simply held his son tighter.

I am sorry you must find out so young.

A gwntle smile. You are always welcome.

This will be the last from me. Thank you for your patience in writing this thread with me. I really appreciated the chance for Ujurak and Gunnar to have some dedicated time together. <3

His father had apologized to him. The unfairness still had not been resolved with the apology, but Ujurak trusted his father. His father wouldn't be apologizing if there was something that could have been done about it. The boy was sure of that, when all else seemed wrong.

It's okay. I'll be okay. He promised that much.

Ujurak fell quiet again. Lingering in his father's arms. It helped for he knew the man was there. It hurt to know that he would not always be so. He had listened to his father. Why was he still so scared?


He would be okay. He just had to be brave.

He didn't want to be.

He promised that he would.



It took several more moments for him find an ounce of courage. Releasing the hold he had on the old man, Ujurak pulled away. Not with any less love. He looked at his father, ears flat to his head.

Goodnight faðir, I love you.

I'll see you in the morning.

Please.