Ouroboros Spine Twinkle twinkle, little star

It was a beautifully clear evening, and the stars had just begun to come out and decorate the night sky. The bright blue of the sky had shifted to pink, and then to purple and dark blue. Raindrop had gotten the children bedded down, giving each of them a loving kiss. Once they had drifted off, she stepped outside of the den, and decided to seek out a special someone….

She followed his scent to where he usually bedded down, and quietly called his name. 

“@Valiant?”

Valiant had no children left to kiss goodnight, and hadn't for some time. He'd abandoned the ulaq where his wife had laid sick for so long, but no longer. The bad memories there outweighed the good, and he was trying to look on the brighter side of things, lately.

So he was out afield, having woken from the day's slumber but not yet left the shallow bowl he'd made for a bed. He preferred to sleep in the open, with just a tree for shade during the heat of the day. In the evening, when the shadows lengthened, the sun would reach him again and warm him for a night of activity —

But he was feeling contemplative, today. He gazed up at the stars instead of out at the more immediate world. And, for a moment after Raindrop spoke, only the steady thump of his wagging tail answered her. But, by and by, he answered.

Hey, Rain, he greeted, tearing his eyes from the sky to offer her a smile. How's that boy doin'?

She found him gazing up at the star filled sky; and he wagged his tail in response, before speaking. He asked about Ludo, and how he was doing. A motherly smile grew on her maw. “Hey. Mind if I sit?” She asked, then continued to answer his question: “He’s doing great. I believe he’s fitting in very well. Ponderosa even enjoys spending time with him. She’s always been shy.”

“How are you? It sure is a beautiful night.”

Valiant didn't mind, and said so, sitting up so that he would not seem terribly rude. Or unwelcoming. Or presumptuous. He'd felt just a little uncertain since their fishing trip, during which nothing wrong had happened except... he'd forgotten to grieve. Just for a few hours. And it'd been happening more and more. That was a good thing, he knew, but sometimes it still felt wrong.

And was moving past his grief the same thing as moving on? Was one a virtue and another a sin?

Regardless, he was glad to see Raindrop. Glad to hear about her children, and most especially the newest of the bunch.

"That's good," he said, glad to hear that Ponderosa had found kinship with someone. It had occurred to him again and again during their trip that Angel Oak talked a lot more about her mother than her sister, and this had worried him. He couldn't know, of course, that she'd only been trying to talk the woman up to him.

"I went on a little hunt with him the other day," he told her. Which reminded him, "Oh, hey — I've got something for you."

He stood and spun back toward the tree. He'd dug another little shallow, higher up in the jutting roots, which he'd lined and then covered with skins. Things could be buried in this way without getting too dirty, and he took from this small stash of mementos the long tail feather of a pheasant. This he brought to her and — feeling very self-conscious — laid at her paws.

At his “okay”, she sat beside him. He started to tell her about the hunt that he and Ludo had went on. But, he had reminded himself of something; he promptly stood up, moved to the base of the tree and started digging. She tilted her head in curiosity, a confused expression on her face. 

When he turned around, he had held something ordinary in his mouth. But, little did she know, that this was in fact, a very special momento. He placed a beautiful pheasant tail feather at her paws. She quietly breathed a “wow”, as she studied the feather in more detail. Then she looked up at him: “It’s beautiful. Thank you Valiant. I haven’t seen a pheasant since I’d left my natal pack.” Two whole years ago….

For a moment, she couldn’t help but gaze into his yellow eyes. His gaze evoked a feeling inside her, like butterflies fluttering, trying to break free.

The isbjørn blushed under his fur, though he remained outwardly stoic. He had no answer for her thanks and, in fact, did his best to ignore both that and all other reaction she had to the feather. Secretly, however, he was pleased.

"There's plenty in the woods up here," he replied, as though they were having a normal conversation. He felt stuck, though, looking back at her. She had her daughter's eyes, but Valiant could not help but think the effect was wildly different. He couldn't look away, even knowing that he ought to.

This, he thought to himself, is why I look from a distance.

But she sat very close to him, now.

"Here," he said, ducking his head to take the feather up again. He leaned forward and tucked it into the fur behind her ear.

She would, later on, make a note to go out pheasant hunting sometime. But for now, they had become locked in each other’s gazes.

That was, until Valiant broke from her gaze to reach down for the feather. Softly and tenderly he tucked the feather behind her ear. His face had come close to hers. Still, underneath her fur she was blushing, her skin was warm. She didn’t speak. Why? Because, along the way, she had begun to pick up a small trait of Valiant’s. He didn’t talk too much, at least, not in her presence. 

After he had pulled away, she asked: “What do you think?”

She sighed, then decided to lay down. The heat of the day had drained most of her energy, leaving her in a calm and slightly drowsy state. The grass felt refreshing as she stretched out like a sphinx; and the night’s cool breeze gently blew over her features. The sky had darkened significantly, and the moon and stars grew brighter.

What did he think? She'd just had to go and ask. It was reasonable, of course. Perhaps even expected. But he knew there was one thing he couldn't say and yet, it seemed to be the only thing he could say. And it was a wild, penned-in sort of feeling that gripped him in those silent moments before he answered. He wanted to run away. He wanted, of course, to do nothing of the sort.

"Beautiful," he replied,

because he had to,

because he wanted to,

because she was.

Then they settled side-by-side.

Valiant looked up at the sky, too. The stars were beginning to shine bright and pretty, and it was a good distraction from the warmth of her beside him. It'd been so long since anyone had laid so carelessly close to him. He'd forgotten the simple comfort of it. He'd forgotten how electric it could feel.

"A shooting star," he breathed in the quiet between them, pointing his nose toward the trailing star — which promptly winked out of existence. "Make a wish," he said, turning a tiny smile on her.

Beautiful. He told her. His words were like a spark, lighting a firework. These words, perhaps, were expected, but they meant so much. 

She spoke no reply, wanting to not ruin the moment. He settled down beside her, and they shifted onto their backs, and watched the stars above. Raindrop only realized now, that she had missed having someone by her side. She loved her children, with all of her heart. But when Sumac left, he took a piece of her with him. To feel the presence of a man beside her was… reassuring. 

And, in an almost cliche manner, a bright shooting star painted the sky overhead. With a small smile, Valiant told her to make a wish. And so, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath in, and made her wish. She wasn’t superstitious, didn’t necessarily believe in luck, but, for the sake of fun, she gave in. Only time would tell if her wish would come true. 

And in the silence of the night, two wolves, two friends, existed, enjoying each other’s company, as they watched the endless expanse of sky side by side.

He looked back to the stars when she closed her eyes. The vulnerability of the moment wasn't meant for him, and he had his own wishes to make, after all. He didn't truly believe in them, but he, too, thought that he ought to get into the spirit of it. Of fun. He tried to think of something else fun to say, but his thoughts just kept circling back to those kids of hers, older and newer, and part of him just couldn't help but feel...

Jealous, he named the feeling, though he wasn't quite sure that was right.

"It's nice you got a boy, now," he told her, musingly, some time after they'd made their separate wishes. "I was glad when I got all girls — but he's a good kid. Now I kinda wish I could've raised a son, too."

She looked to him when he spoke. “It is.” She admitted. Both of them had been given all girls for their first litters. And while girls were wonderful, in many ways, she’d be lying if she said that she hadn’t ever thought about raising a son. “I love my girls.” She began, “But, I’ve really enjoyed have the chance to raise a son.”

She thought about her next words, hoping to figure out the best way to speak them aloud. “Even though the girls are only a year old… I-I have begun to miss the pitter patter of their small paws. Cradling them, and even bringing them into the world.”

“If I had the chance, maybe one day, I’ll be blessed with more pups.”


But, she couldn’t forget the fact that, with Sumac gone, she had no one to share that intimate relationship with. 

“What about you?” She asked, look to him now with a more soulful expression.

Valiant missed it desperately. He'd missed so much of his girls' younger days, and he wished he could go back and do it again. Once for them, and then six more times just for him. The idea of adding more little lives to his spiritual footprint was a daunting one, but, if he was honest with himself?

"Yeah," he agreed, his voice quiet. A secret between them. "If I had the chance. But..."

But Vaïre was gone.

But Raindrop was waiting on someone, wasn't she?

Wasn't she?

He looked over at her and felt his heart lurch in his chest. The night was just too velvet dark, and the stars just shone too brightly, and her face just looked too pretty — he credited all that to why he didn't turn away. It was gravity, it seemed, that wanted to pull his face toward hers.

"Tell me if I've got this all wrong," he breathed into the space between them.

A secret shared; she would guard it closely. In the darkness of the night, with only the moon and stars as their witnesses, the two shared what they had been holding within them. She felt a pull; something urging to pull her closer to him. Like gravity. 

His voice was gentle, soft and quiet: "Tell me if I've got this all wrong,"

She didn’t know what he could possibly think could be wrong. She saw no wrongdoing. Her words were authentic, sincere. “What could you be doing wrong?” She whispered, “Oh Valiant…. Just because we have lost some of what we held dear, does that mean we can’t pursue a new happiness? Whatever that may be?”

There were so many reasons this was wrong. Their spouses, their kids, the pack, his own cursed bloodline... It was hard to hold all of it in his mind when she looked at him like that, however. It seemed like any time he looked at her, he forgot a little more of his troubles and a little more of his doubts.

But he was a troubled man. Their kids. Their spouses — though their spouses were both gone...

What could you be doing wrong?

He'd known the answer just a moment before. Now he could only hold on to the idea of wrongness. He was a troubled man. Whatever he was doing, it must be wrong. Wasn't that just the way of things?

Her eyes were so earnest, and so very blue.

Valiant closed his eyes. He told himself it was so that he wouldn't get lost in hers. Surely it was not so that he could call it an accident when he leaned forward and touched his nose to hers.

In the silence between them, she could almost see what had gone on through his head. Not exact thoughts, but more… feelings. She sensed the internal change of his demeanor. It was evident in the quiet.

She waited for words that did not come, and the more she laid there, what he must have meant had begun to dawn on her. They both had mates, and even though neither were here, they had still promised themselves to their spouses. They each had children. What would they think? Would they accept the possibility a step-parent?

She closed her eyes, in thought. But, these new thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the touch of his nose to hers. She wanted to gasp, but she remained quiet. 

She whispered again, but this time, a single sentence, as she couldn’t come up with the right words for this exact moment…. “I understand.” And she pulled her head away, and brought her gaze back up to the stars.

She understood?

That makes one of us, he thought, his heart pounding in his chest. He was worried he'd made a terrible misstep, but she hadn't scolded him. Only turned her head away and claimed to understand.

Valiant tried to settle himself beside her, feeling torn and broken and giddy and anxious all at once. Maybe he'd misread things. Maybe she was just now realizing she had, and that they weren't exactly on the same page in the sad abandoned spouse support group.

Maybe he'd just ruined everything.

"I'm sorry," he said to her, thought he looked up at the stars as he said it. "I thought... I thought you meant you'n'me. I — I don't know what I was thinkin'. But you sure mean a lot to me, after these past few years. That means more than anything, and I — I don't need nothin' more than that. I just... I don't know. I'm sorry."

Although neither could see it, within each of the was a war of emotions, thoughts and feelings. Doubt, pleasure, worry, hurt, and love. 

He drew his gaze to the stars, as he spoke his words. She was touch by his words, each one of them. But she was also confused, so, so confused. Had she made a mistake? Had she put him in a bad spot? Made him uncomfortable? 

“No. It’s not your fault.” She said promptly, hoping to recover the pieces of their wonderful evening. “I-I’m sorry, if I have at all made you uncomfortable. I don’t mean to.” How could she possibly put her next thoughts and feelings into words, when she was so confused. “I think, you and I… what if we were meant to be?” 

But what if they weren’t? What if nothing was meant to be? Sumac was gone, and took their daughter with him. Was he not meant to stay? Valiant had been an unchanging presence in her life, even though they both chose separate paths. She didn’t want to lose him.

He understood then, too: they were both simply afraid. For good reason, he thought. What if they were meant to be together? What if they weren't? What if it ruined everything? What if it made them happy?

"There's no telling, I suppose," he told her, his voice a low burr. Raw, like he'd been screaming with it, though in truth it was a different kind of strain. "No knowing. I think — it just has to be about what we want. And what we choose. Not just now but every day of our lives."

That was what had led them to this moment, after all.

"But I think we should think about it," he told her. "I think — I think you ought to talk to those girls of yours, first."

His eyes were soft, then. His voice was reedy when he admitted,

"But I want to. I wanna belong together."

She agreed with every word he said. Each one truer than the last. And she nodded more than once to show her agreement. And when he suggested that she should talk to the girls, first, she couldn’t agree more. But a new thought surfaced. One of fear, of being denied, of letting her daughters down. 

“You are right. It’s not a decision to be taken lightly.” She began, “We can take it one step at a time; enjoy each moment.”

“I will talk with the girls. And what about yours?” She had not heard much of anything about his children? Surely they weren’t here, within Moonglow. Perhaps they dispersed?

And, again, her gaze came to rest on his, as she still laid beside him. 

“And Valiant… I want to belong to you too.” 

Valiant shook his head, his eyes downcast.

"They're scattered," he told her. "I couldn't begin to know where to look for them. I'll face it when I see them again. For now — I'll talk to Arrluk and Ajei." He offered her a weak but warm smile. "We oughta do this right."

He didn't have any family left here of his own, but Arrluk, at least, was family to his girls. That still meant they were as good as blood, in Valiant's mind.

His smile was a little stronger, then. He ducked forward to press a quick kiss to Raindrop's cheek, unable to help himself.

"Now, quit lookin' at me like that," he scolded, though only in jest. "There's only so much a man can take."

Pointedly, he turned his face back up to the stars — though he was blind to them, now, basking in the glow of her companionship. The promise of it.

“Oh.” It made her heart ache, know that his daughters had all scattered. That only added another secret worry to her motherly plate. She hoped her daughters could live the lives they wanted, but she couldn’t grasp the reality of young wolves dispersing. 

“Yes. We will.” She could remember back to when she and Sumac first became mates, and how they made the mistake of going behind Rodyn’s back; only telling him after the fact. 

A kiss followed; his warm tongue licking her cheek. She then reach for his cheek, returning the kiss.

Now that their thoughts had been cleared, and set free, their smiles grew stronger. She chuckled when Valiant told her to quit looking at him the way she did. “Does my beauty intimidate you?” 

And from this point on, they gazed up at the endless expanse of space together, but their minds were preoccupied by their new hopes and dreams.

Last from me. Thank you so much! For everything! We can fade here if your ready. <333

The kiss was welcome, but Valiant still insisted on star-gazing. A tiny, close-lipped smile was his only answer to her question. He knew if he replied, "It distracts me," they would never stop flirting, and who knew what else might happen?

He wanted to do this right.

He wanted, so badly, for this to be right.