Broken Boulder what would my head be like

He tried not to flinch from her words; he failed. The Governor sank down in response to her heightened posture, lowering himself with tail tucked as her words washed over him. For several beats, he could barely comprehend them. A cold, nauseating horror spread first through his chest, then pooled in his stomach and writhed agonizingly. All he could think was I didn't know, I didn't know.
But that was his own fault, wasn't it? Alarian had always been far too wrapped up in his own world— in many ways, he still was. Had he known, he would have—
Ha. He would have killed Arnlith, and Runion, too.
Somehow, he pushed past the thickness in his throat to speak, wanting to reach out to her but knowing he shouldn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never knew. It was too late to make promises, to tell her what he might have done— and what could he do now? He had only the truth to offer her— only more tragedy to give. She had pups. Runion's pups. She killed herself.