Broken Boulder what would my head be like

Alarian could only watch his sister crumble, not even flinching at her scream; like so many times before in his life, he was helpless. Weariness dulled the white-hot surge through his veins, and he thought tiredly: I'm going to kill Runion. There was a certainty to it. No adrenaline came, no urge to rush forward and do the deed then— not like it had with his father. Only the sharp, crystalline realization that he would have to take another life. But not now.
Instead he crept toward Lanawyn, numb and blank and knowing only that he hoped she needed him as much as he needed her, then. He nosed her scruff gently, testing— and if she did not growl or flash teeth in warning, he would curl up alongside her quietly.