Broken Boulder i'll pay my weight in blood to feel my nerves wake up

It was overwhelming enough, having Zamael so— involved. He wasn't used to anyone caring, and certainly not in this way; it was rough, and he wasn't quite sure if he liked it. But when he started to touch his herbs— oh, no, no, no.
No! He snapped immediately, rising too quickly; his vision went black for a few terrifying beats, and he glanced down, blinking rapidly. His expression was only confused for a moment, but he quickly remembered his previous panic. Don't— I can do it. I'll— I'll do it tomorrow. I—
And then he broke. Alarian went quickly from not crying at all to full blown sobbing; it was almost impressive, really. His herbs were his pride and joy— the only thing he really put himself into, all those days spent alone, aside from his hunting. Hearing Zamael's critical words, seeing the way he regarded the mess— suddenly he realized exactly how far he had let himself fall.
It's not usually like that, He explained thickly, almost desperately— as if his life depended on convincing his brother of this. It's usually more organized, I just— I just— Alarian devolved again into near-hysterical crying. It was... not his finest moment.