Arrow Lake Hold it, even though it kills you slowly

@Mahler
I was thinking backdated to 8/8?
No rush or anything! Just when you have time <3

She patrolled the borders like the general had requested. The sun had just started to peak over the mountains, and she knew it meant the cool morning air would soon become much warmer than she preferred. Even now, as cooler temperatures promised the imminent and welcomed end of summer, she still found the daytime much too warm for comfort. 

She paused as she came to a grove of spruce trees that hugged the edge of their territory, inspecting an outlying tree to make sure the scent didn't need freshening. Guilt and embarrassment swelled in her stomach as the Kapitän's scent filled her nose. She hadn't really avoided him per se—that was almost impossible in a pack like theirs—but she had been careful to avoid situations where they would be alone, as well as keeping their conversations to strictly pack stuff. If there had been any hint that he might ask about her strange behavior at the lake, she would have found some excuse to suddenly be busy. Luckily, she had four children to raise, and that kept her genuinely busy most of the time anyway. Sure, it was not the most mature way to handle it, and it certainly was out of character for her to withhold her true feelings regarding anything...but what could she do? How could she tell him the truth? That would mean fessing up to how she really felt about him, and the thought of being that vulnerable in front of someone, honestly, scared the shit out of her. Mahler had somehow infiltrated much farther beyond her carefully constructed walls than she had realized, and it made her feel too exposed. She was still messed up over Sia's betrayal and abandonment, and the thought of letting someone else have that much power over her again was more than she could handle. 

Not to mention, the other leg to their little tripod happened to be the father of her children; there was nothing romantic about her feelings for Stigmata, she respected and loved him as a she would a family member, but still, she couldn't help but feel like it would make things weird. Clearly, there had been plenty of time for her to overthink absolutely every aspect of her feelings for the Kapitän and the awkwardness she had created because of them.

She would be lying if she said she didn't miss how things were between them before she made things weird, but she just didn't see how they could get back there. 

She released a harsh breath, closing her eyes and shaking her head. Then, she continued into the trees, growing irritated that her go to distraction had done little to quiet her mind this morning.