Arrow Lake Hold it, even though it kills you slowly

She watched him struggle, reading it on his face and in the eyes she had grown to know so well. Guilt surged inside her, and she again wished she had just kept it to herself. It was rare that she wished she had not spoken her mind, but now she wanted more than anything to take the words back; all they did was complicate things and she knew she would suffer even more because of it. 

When he finally answered, she said nothing at first. She didn't want to continue like this. She wanted to fervently voice her opposition to such a plan. She wasn't sure she could live like that, and it hurt that he would suggest that they just ignore this. Unless—a new wave of hurt washed over her, this time fueled by rejection. It made sense, and it wasn't like she blamed him. She was not kind and open like Ruenna; she was brash and opinionated to a fault, and she intentionally made it difficult for others to get close. So Taki wasn't surprised that the Kapitän didn't feel the way she did. But she would spare him anymore discomfort. 

Any hurt that might have leaked into her expression vanished as she pushed it deep down like she was so good at doing. She drew in a deep breath and gave him a stiff nod. We continue, she repeated. Then she turned as if to finish her patrol, lifting her head to invite him to join, neither her face nor her body relaying any of the crushing pain she felt in her heart. It would dim eventually, the more she pushed it away. She was sure of it.