Sun Mote Copse Like the records I'm playing, they might keep you waiting

Alright, I'll just not mention it & keep it vague then :)

Wraen's leaving. That on its own hit like a truck, mostly because the words weren't delivered by his friend herself. They'd known each other since the beginning of the Firebirds and though Eljay found himself wondering if she didn't consider him more of a burden than a boon on several occasions, she was a friend to him. He thought that the same counted for her -- that they were friends -- but now as Maia stood here delivering the news of her departure, he wasn't so sure.

Is... Why didn't Wraen come to tell me this herself? he -- very uncharacteristically -- interjected, cutting Maia's words short before she could continue (or possibly talking through the next bit). It didn't make sense to Eljay. They'd been through so much. All of the Copse. Apart from mom and dad, she was the only one left who'd been there through it all. He couldn't help but feel anxious thinking about how it had meant so much less to her than to him all along that she wouldn't even come to deliver this news personally.

But it inevitably got worse. Something about Moonspear that he didn't really care about (he didn't know them at all, had never met a wolf from there) and then she said it. She couldn't... Stay without Wraen.

So that's why Maia had come here to deliver the news. Not to tell it instead of Wraen, or say it knowing that he and Wraen were friends.

This was a goodbye.

Eljay frowned, his eyes shining with emotion as he tried to control what was going on in his head in that moment. He tried to picture the Copse without Wraen, and damn, was it hard to see such a place. What was left for him, then, except the every present warmth of his daughter?

He tried to picture the Copse without Maia, but it was impossible. He and Towhee had gotten over some of their past animosity but Eljay couldn't help but feel that they'd never be friends for real. It would only take one mishap for him to screw up and for her to snap at him for that illusion to be broken again. Niamh and he were okay, he supposed, but they were just so different and she and Towhee were very close so if he messed that up he messed Niamh's friendship up too.

He needed... He needed someone that he could be around where he didn't feel like he needed to pretend. Where he didn't feel like they would lose respect for him if he cried. Someone that he didn't also need to care for and be responsible for. Someone...

He needed someone like Maia.

But he knew that he couldn't ask her to stay. That would be selfish, and for what..? So after the longest silence where his upset was written very clearly on his face -- his breath came out in ragged gasps, his face was knit into a frown, his eyes watery -- he tried to say something. He tried to say 'okay', 'I will miss you' or 'It was good to have you as a friend, but as he tried to say all these things the words got caught in his throat as his breathing increased. O-- All that came out was a squeak as his throat refused and his breathing increased to a hyperventilation.

Oh no. Oh no. It had been so long since he had had a panic attack. He thought he'd outgrown this. Eljay sank through his legs a little bit as he lowered his head and looked at the space between his legs, ashamed, his tail tucking in dismay while his breath came out in high pitched wheezes and he felt tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

Feeling like a total idiot over having a panic attack over his friend leaving didn't improve his status any.