Redhawk Caldera It doesn't match your face

A lot of things happened in a limited time. Eljay wanted more than anything that there was a clear cut answer. Wraen had said that she and Maia would stay or settle nearby so that they could keep seeing each other. But what if that wasn't enough? What if he'd lose her because of his attachment to the Caldera? What if he'd lose her because of his obsession with The Dream Picture of raising children right here at the Blackthorn den? He sat just outside the den, feeling very torn; both happy and content just to be here as well as wondering if he should go with them. Maia wouldn't tell him to have, but did that mean that he had to make that decision? Would he lose her if she didn't? Was there any chance if he stayed right here that they'd be a.. family-family next year? And could he be happy in another pack? He'd done it before, he'd been happy enough in the Copse, after all. However, Eljay was very particular in what he liked and he also worried that he'd ruin things by being picky over a home, or worse, that he'd not like the home they picked.

There were a few other matters on his mind, such as what were @Weejay 's thoughts about all this. And what about Towhee and the rest of the pack? They would never expect him to leave. Would he be letting them down if he did? He glanced over all he had here, again. He'd only just found it back...

With a thoughtful frown Eljay's thoughts were racing, and however often he threw them about in his head, he never seemed to reach a perfect solution.

"family-family" i love this

Weejay had taken care as of late to give her father some space: on more than one occasion she had sought him out, only to find Maia's scent accompanying him. It made Weejay's heart skip a beat to know her daddy was spending so much time with Maia - in these moments she had consciously and inconspicuously bowed out, hoping against hope that maybe this time, things would stick.

That meant either Maia would leave again, they would leave with her, or she would stay. Weejay, who had no ties to the Caldera besides her father, just wanted the duo to be happy. Wherever that meant.

Coming across Eljay alone, she noted he looked preoccupied. The two were fairly perceptive of one another, given all the time they spent among each other's company. Weejay gently brushed her head and cheek against her father and then sat down next to him, flanks touching. "What are you thinking about, Daddy?"

The space that Weejay was giving Eljay was, in turn, making him just a little bit anxious. Even though she had said she wanted them to talk to each other about their feelings and she had all the right in the world to throw a big fat "I told you so" pie in both their faces, Eljay wondered: what if it changed? What if Maia spending all this time made Weejay worry that they might leave, or worry about not getting as much time spent with her daddy? It had to be quite a lot for her, too. He thought of that when he heard Weejay's footfalls and she settled down next to him. He leaned into the touch and nuzzled her cheek as she arrived.

Weejay cut right to the chase and asked what he was thinking about. He decided that he should at least tell her about Maia and he doing.. whatever it was that they were doing. Oh, uhm, he said as he gathered his thoughts. As you know, Maia is staying here, and uh, well... How did he put it delicately? He decided, in the end, to use the way Wraen had put it: We're kind of a thing, now. I said that I liked her and she said she liked me too and, uhm... I guess this is where you get to say 'I told you so'. Eljay's cheeks flushed and he looked away, a little embarrassed.

He added tentatively, as if unsure whether he should share, I was just thinking about... about the future and, well... what happens when she's all better, I guess. He didn't want to dump that load on Maia herself, but he hoped that Weejay was okay with hearing it. Maybe she had some advice to offer in it all. First, though, he looked to see Weejay's response to this earth-shattering news. That might not be quite as earth-shattering to Weejay herself.

Weejay was young in a lot of ways, but not so young she couldn't silently smile to herself that she had been right. In a way, Maia's grave misfortune had been Eljay's boon -- all it had taken was one cataclysmic event..

Weejay wondered how many other romances were like that. How many trysts had started, because of one seemingly random event? How many empires ruined, by the seemingly random favor of fate?

Her eyes lit up as Eljay spoke of them being a thing. Yes! Finally!! She afforded herself another little smile, accompanied by a wiggle of her shoulders in silent I-TOLD-YOU-SO glee. Of course, Weejay would never rub that kind of snobbery in anyone's face, least of all her Daddy. Sometimes, she knew, where you stood in a situation changed your perspective -- it was easy to measure things when you were on the outside looking in.. But when you were on the inside, everything was distorted -- like looking up at the sky through riverwater. "Maybe, you shouldn't think so much." Weejay joked, but it was true also. Overthinking had a way of sapping the joy from the present.. and in a lot of ways, sometimes the present was all we have. "All that matters is what happens right now. We -- you -- can cross that river when you get to it. Who knows. Maybe it won't be a river by the time that happens. Maybe it'll just be a stream."

Weejay seemed pretty keen to hear the news, which easily put Eljay's worries to rest that she might disapprove of his and Maia being a thing. She was fine with this. The smile on her face told him as much. Eljay might be a big worrier, but when it came to Weejay he could usually tell how she was feeling just from looking at her; she was expressive and he knew her better than anyone else. The same was true the other way around, of course.

She said maybe he thought too much. And that was probably true. But still, it was so hard not to think so much. His every thought was taken over by Maia and the future they were facing... Together or otherwise. Weejay had a great metaphor. She must've interested the eloquence from Wifi, he thought fondly. Yeah, maybe. I mean, you're right, of course. Wise as always. But... It's just so hard to not think about it all the time. I know it's better to live in the now and see how it goes. Maia said she still wants to see me, but she and Wraen are probably going to live somewhere else. And we only just got back here... Living at my mom and dad's old den is... He trailed off there and figured that it was hard to explain to Weejay. This place didn't mean the same to her as it did to him. She might not realise how much it meant to him to have a family right here, like his parents had.

Weejay beamed under the compliment; she didn't often think herself wise, but if her father did then it must have a kernel of truth to it. She just knew that overthinking was just as bad as not thinking at all - both clouded the brain to the point one's judgment could be compromised.

She was happy for her father and wanted him to enjoy the now - she knew someday Maia might leave and that happiness might not last forever, but happiness was like a small-burning candle: eventually, it would always be snuffed out.. But for the time it was alive, it cast a beautiful glow on everything that was what you held close to you, when you were cold or feeling alone.

She knew also, that her father was far happier here than he'd been at their last home. Weejay had no ties to these halls, but she often appreciated the feeling of great legacy that lingered along the stone-walls of their den. Her father had been raised here. His family had lived, loved, laughed and cried in these rooms. That kind of energy was rarely forgotten.

"We can't change what the future holds." Weejay reminded her father softly. "Maia will stay, or she won't. When that moment comes you can think. I know it is special here.. but you may have to decide which is more special: living at home, or spending your life with Maia."

Weejay hit right where it hurt. Eljay didn't really want to think about the necessity of choosing between Maia or Redhawk Caldera. It felt like an impossible choice to him. He wasn't sure that he would be as happy if he chose following Maia and raised children elsewhere than here. He wanted to be with her, yes, but he also really wanted to keep Redhawk Caldera. The thought of leaving it alone just made him feel anxious to the core and he wasn't so sure he could make the right decision when it came to him. That frightened him, because he imagined being lonely and alone by the time he was old, sitting here by his parents' den and wishing that he was with Maia instead. But the other way around, he also feared that he would be unhappy if he did follow and left Redhawk Caldera for good. It seemed these kind of choices were always bigger choices than they initially seemed. They felt very... for-now-and-ever, to Eljay.

He grew silent, unsure how to respond. Weejay's words were wise, but they also hit him right in a painful place, and it was visible on his face. It was hard to choose. He wished he knew what Weejay wanted in all this, because factoring that in might make the decision easier. If she wanted to travel or see other places, then going with Maia would be a good choice, and if she rather wanted to learn about Redhawk Caldera, then maybe it would not be. At the same time he wasn't sure this was a decision he should let his daughter make for him.

He remained silent, seemingly lost in thought, though his breathing remained steady to indicate that he wasn't having a panic attack over it.

He just didn't know, and that was terrifying. One moment he would beat himself up over even considering picking Redhawk Caldera over Maia, but another moment he thought of a life without Redhawk Caldera and it felt empty and cold. A life without Maia would feel just the same, though. It was like having found something really special and then having to let it go. It felt that way towards both Maia and the Caldera. And either way, he could not figure out, would it be worth it to give up? Rather, the answer in both cases was no. He wanted both, with all his heart.

Yet he knew that Weejay's words were truth and that he might not get that option to choose from.

Weejay hadn't meant to hurt her father, but what good did that thought do to stave off the guilt? It overcame her like a wave, crashing heavily onto her shoulders and trickling coldly down her back. Into her stomach.

She grimaced, having seen the hurt register visibly on her father's face, and the subsequent silence. It spilled out between them -- unusually unpleasant. She had always felt comfortable in his presence and hadn't need words to fill the room, but now Weejay felt as if she was drowning. She hadn't meant to inspire such a feeling of fear and anxiety. Maybe she was wise in some ways, but in many ways Weejay was still young enough to be stupid. Sometimes, the foresight wasn't there.

"You won't know until that time comes." Weejay tried to shrug it off with platitudes. "You'll be okay. Maybe I'm wrong and it'll never work out like that." Weej tried to aim a nuzzle towards her father's cheeks, overwhelmed by the anxiety which flitted just under Eljay's expression.

There were a lot of thoughts filling the space between them, making Weejay feel very far away. It wasn't like it was entirely unpleasant to Eljay; he wasn't in a panic about it, he just wasn't sure what he should do and he was feeling uncertain and doubtful. Torn between two things — running off with Maia or staying here and hoping that she'd come here — and it felt as though he was being tug-o-warred by these two options. He wasn't tearing at the seams yet, though.

Weejay suggested that maybe it wouldn't play out that way and that he wouldn't know until the time came, anyway. Yeah, maybe, he said with a thoughtful sigh. Enough to think about, anyway. He smiled as Weejay reached out to nuzzle his cheeks. We'll see where it goes. He sounded unsure still, but he also knew himself well enough that it wouldn't help to think about it too much right now. It was easier to try and drown the feelings with other things.