Northstar Vale the finite mind cannot grasp the infinite

for @Nanuq <3

He had been meant to help lead Epoch once, but hat felt like a lifetime ago. The plans had changed in the end, and they had stayed with Mereo, but being here reminded him of all the time he had lost. He had missed so much while he was gone, but the worst of it was not being with his sons. He felt so much guilt over that, and he just wanted to fix things. He was unsure if Nanuq would want the same. He had every right to be angry. But Kallik wasn't going anywhere. He wanted to be here, with his family. He wanted to be a proper father. He wanted his sons back in Mereo, but he wasn't going to force them. They had found others to teach and care for them in his absence; he wasn't here to uproot their lives, but he hoped they would want to come home.

Kallik stopped just before crossing over the borders to the vale. Nanuq's scent was there, and he felt a huge relief at that knowledge. He tipped his head back and howled a long call for his son. Then he waited.

The call was for him, which surprised Nanuq. No one had called specifically for him.

It was with no dearth of suspicion that he approached the borders of the pack at a long-legged slink, eyes narrowed as they honed in on the grey-kissed, scarred man who stood there. Even from a distance he could smell the scent of Mereo drifting from the other wolf's hide.

He remained enough of a distance away that he could escape unscathed should the other try to seize him, lifting his head to glare at a soldier he did not recognize. Something niggled in the back of his mind at the sight of olive green eyes, something he felt he should remember, but he had long ago forgotten his father's face. The new wounds and scars did nothing to help that.

Who are you? he asked defensively, back bristling with expectation. Supposedly, Germanicus had no intention of dragging him or his brother home, but Nanuq didn't believe it for a second. That man had never cared what he or Siku wanted, only that they obeyed. Nanuq saw no reason for that to have changed, and this unfamiliar soldier calling for him was proof of it, he thought. What do you want?

His son answered his call but as he drew closer, Kallik could see his form tense with suspicion. There was no recognition on his face, only wariness. He had prepared himself for anger but had somehow forgotten to prepare himself for the fact that they wouldn't know who he was. They were so young when he left; it would have been difficult to keep his face in their memories. 

The questions Nanuq directed at him were painful. He hated seeing his son wary of him. He hated the realization that he didn't know Kallik at all. He had made the decision to leave, and his family had paid the price for his mistake. 

Nanuq, he said calmly. It is me, your father. He didn't make any movements yet for fear he would scare Nanuq away. I am sorry that I left you. I should have stayed with you. He wasn't sure his apology would be accepted, nor did he know yet how angry Nanuq was with him. But Kallik did know that he wouldn't give up. He had to repair things as much as he could. He wanted his family back.

Your mother has returned too. We both miss you very much.

The words came like twin punches to his gut.

First, that this man was his father, returned from whatever ridiculously long mission Germanicus had assigned him, and second, that his mother had also returned so soon after leaving.

Nanuq had been on the cusp of leaving himself, desperate not to lose his mother the way he had Kallik, but word of his twin in another neighbouring pack caused his paws to become stuck and uncertain. It was impossible to weigh his mother against his brother, but if Nanuq had to choose, it would be Siku every time.

He tried to wet his lips, but his tongue was sandpaper as it scraped across them. He could feel his pulse pounding in his neck and his ears both and there was a burning sensation behind his eyes he didn't yet recognize. Kallik went on and Nanuq had no words in response. Aquene had left without saying anything, but he had left without saying anything first, and he still missed her terribly. He could hardly refute Kallik's claim that she missed him.

As for Kallik... Nanuq hated Germanicus for several reasons but primarily for sending his father away on a mission from which he might never return. Now that Kallik was here, Nanuq grappled with feeling relieved that he was back and angry that he had left at all. These were feelings he couldn't process in mere minutes; he had no idea how to respond and it showed in the way his tail hung low and his ears pressed backward.

In the end, all he could do was croak, are you here to make me go back to Mereo?

Kallik very much wanted Nanuq to return to Mereo with him, but he wasn't delusional; he knew his son wouldn't just forgive him and return to be a big happy family. Kallik had ruined any chance of that. All he could hope for now was that his sons would let him be a part of their lives again. So far, his reaction had been much calmer than his twin's had been. But he wasn't exactly happy to see him either. 

No. I will not make you return to Mereo if you do not want to be there, Kallik assured him. I am here to check on you and to talk if you will allow it. He worried this would end similarly to his reunion with Siku. He tried not to allow himself to hope for anything different, though he knew it would hurt just as much if Nanuq wanted him to leave. Maybe the stars would show him mercy today, but he had never placed much trust in them.