Redtail Rise bloodsnow

the wounds that disfigured ancelin's face were healing, but he would never look the same again. his only silver light was the fact he had left marks of his own, so he believed.
they had scarred one another.
the embarrassment was that he had lost the fight in front of @Lilia, and been relieved to lose, to lie coughing and wounded and winded on the ground for a reprieve.
he had stayed away from her these past weeks, grunting a word in passing, joining hunts if there was a group to do it, but ancelin retreated into himself and kept his own counsel.
now, tentatively, he searched for her scent, glancing along her newest path with a nervous lick to his lips. suppose lilia wanted to mock him, suppose he had lost her favour? these things rooted ancelin were he was.

it had been a while <333 but she can leave if Lilia joins! No worries - I’ve been sporadic af lately on everyone

Redd would intercept him first.  She knew he had returned and had seen the results of his fight with her brother.  She disapproved heavily - of both of them.

@Relic would hear of it too, as much as she could communicate it.  Perhaps he already had.  They had risked depriving the pack of two hunters at a time when they could not afford such waste.

Her stare was pointed, and a low disapproving growl issued from her as she watched him dispassionately.  She appraised his wounds with a small increase to the tone, then cut it off abruptly with a gesture.  Pointless.

Her eyes narrowed as she watched.  Would he challenge?  Or relent to the truth?

no ilysm <333

it was not lilia who found him first, it was redd, a scold on her lips. "necessary," her cousin groused back, though his tone did not indicate anger as hers might. 
ancelin looked away, licked his jaws dispassionately. redd didn't get it. her mom was head of the rise; she and her sisters were established, the way relic and reki and these kids would be also.
ancelin was her blood relation, but no longer could he claim grounding through parents. he was alone in that.
he rolled his shoulders. "was goin' on patrol. coming?" the bjern did not wait, he only walked off.

She rumbled both her disbelief and her displeasure back, her stare unchanging.  Pointless injury was never necessary.  That he refused to see this meant he disrespected his, and her brother’s, contributions to the whole.  She disliked this.

It was not her place to punish, but she did not hide her disapproval as she fell in step beside and followed.  She wouldn’t spurn his invitation.  She explored the scents, seeking anything amiss, and allowed her pelt to graze along the tree she rounded.  Spring meant losing her thick under layer, and the itch could be eased while she marked these places as theirs.

ancelin left tufts of his fur beneath hers, marked around her scent to indicate her higher rank.
it was nothing to submit to the strong hierarchy his aunt had created with her children. it was only that he felt like an imposter inside it, through all fault of his own.
as they moved, ancelin touched his tongue to his split lip in a pensive manner.

She sensed his continued thoughtfulness and normally would have let it pass unheeded.  She was not one to concern herself with the business of others.

But this was also pack business.  And it was something she didn’t understand.  There were a few things she failed to grasp within her peers - even Masque, the one she felt closest to of all of them. Some shared sense she felt lacking.

Why?  As she asked this she turned on him, plainly addressing the wounds he carried.  What had he thought was worth this?

She despised the feeling of words as they dropped from her tongue, rolling softly into the air between them to fall like stones.  But this understanding would perhaps be worth the discomfort.

redd pressed, and ancelin felt his anger grow. he tamped it down, spitting into the grass unnecessarily. "my brother and my parents are gone." the words fell like weighted stones from his mouth. "and i've been away for a while. and i don't know relic."
so why would he have submitted.
"your mom said fight. so we did." the boy swung his tail and tried to soften the iron in his voice. "i'm sorry i fucked him up, all right? he won, if it makes you feel better."

He still missed her point, and she failed to fully understand his.  She breathed out, huffing.  Fucked you up too. She stated, tail whipping sideways behind her to punctuate.  How could she say what she meant?   Didn’t need to spill blood.  Hunt worse, defend worse, now.  

It wasn’t her place to question Wealda, but it was their job to serve and defend her.  Relic and he had spurned that duty in choosing to maim one another.

He could try to convince her otherwise, but his arguments so far had revealed little.  Relic may be unknown, but he was still pack.  Pack was never a complete stranger.

"but we did, redd," ancelin said, voice sharp with frustration. he stopped, rubbed his paw along his eyes. "it's done. yeah. it wasn't — it was stupid. but it's done."
and i lost.
he was angry now, wanting to burn it off before he truly said something he'd regret. "you're right. i'll do worse for a while. but then i won't."
the indigo eyes burned.

Redd watched him.  Sometimes faces were hard to read but his anger was sharp in all that was said.  With it, something clicked.

He did not feel it.  He was pack, yet he ran outside it, against them.

Redd’s ears tilted back and she let a soft voice from her throat, but this time it was contemplative.  Then she stood and moved closer, offering not challenge, but simple closeness.  If he felt apart she would seek to show, in this moment, he was not.  She could only do this if he wished it.

this mattered more to ancelin than redd could possibly know. 
visibly, he deflated, jaw tensing as his cousin reached for him. not in fear of her, but in unsurety of what to do. he was not often touched; he did not often seek it.
the bearclaw eyes soothed now; ancelin grew shy. "sometimes i think i should leave too. like them," he mumbled for her ears only. "but i don't want to, redd. i want to be here. i just —"

He did not lash out or move away, so she let her flank rest against his, sharing the solidarity of that as he quietly spoke.  Her instinct had been correct.

You belong here.  Unless you want something else.  She stated, not needing to consider deeper.  He was a part of them but she could only say this. If he felt his place had left alongside the rest, then it was his journey to find what more he needed.

his eyes throbbed, and then ancelin tasted salt. it held the flavor of shame. he kept himself beside redd, his face turned away. he did not sob nor did he allow the sound of it to enter his voice, gone flat and without inflection. "i just feel nothing inside."
so where did it matter where he went?
he could feel his throat hoarsening, and so ancelin spoke nothing else, only shared this quiet communion with redd and tried to discover peace in it.

It sounded a worse fate than Redd could understand, to be so cut off from the things that she knew made her wolf.  The strength of their bonds, the resolve in her duty, the care in ensuring the pack would thrive.

She remained in contact, firmly placed, but did not seek to see what was hidden.

Stay until you know.  They would not abandon him and he should not abandon himself.  Regret in departure would only make his loss worse, for without the pack, how would he find what it meant to be pack?

redd spoke. ancelin found himself nodding.
"yeah." his voice was roughened with gravel all the same. "and i need to — fuck. i need to stop hoping atreus is gonna come back."
but he felt resistant, saying that, resistant to letting go of that small hope.

This was a loss she could not relate to.  Even if her own siblings left, she would know the truth; they had chosen the path.  She did not understand why he was pained by another’s choice.

Perhaps it was clearer if she remembered all the others to choose the same.  Ancelin the only one to remain.

He knew.  She agreed, and it would hopefully be as easy as the words were to speak.  He needed to make his own choice now.  Redd nosed his shoulder encouragingly, then moved slightly away, clearly ready to continue their patrol.

Yet as they did, she would leave less space between, the previous tension eliminated and replaced with the warmth of camaraderie.

did he? was that fair?
ancelin had no answer, but he kept himself tucked against redd for a long series of moments longer before pulling away.
he did not speak again, but her sentiment was mirrored in his own dark eyes, and for the first time in a while, he walked with an easier step, gaze fixed ahead and missing no detail.