Jade Fern Grove All the small things

@Maia 

Sarah had been on one of her extended leaves from Lost Creek Hollow again, therefore she missed Maia's official visit and staying times, was completely oblivious to the fact that her little sister had arrived. Therefore imagine her surprise, when on an early morning, when she was on her way back to he present home, she first caught a familiar scent, then found fresh footprints and a form that was disappearing in the distance. 

There were no two thoughts about, what to do now. She ran after the person she assumed was her sister, closing the distance between them so that she was able to call out to her: "Maia!" There she stopped in her tracks, posture alert, expression expectant, as she waited for the wolf to turn and take a notice of her.

She left the Hollow silently, and more than a little regretfully, with all the things Terance had said swirling around inside her.  Some happy, some too sad to even comprehend right now.  Her thoughts were a mess.

But they clarified to a single point when she heard her name from that familiar voice.  She'd (presumably) heard that Sarah was here from Terance, but seeing her!?  Two very different things.

SARAH  It came out more as a shriek than anything else, and it was surprising no earthquakes followed.  If there really were giants sleeping in the ground like Wraen said, they definitely weren't sleeping anymore.

She charged towards her sister like a rocket, already crying before she even got there, but this time it was good crying.  She couldn't believe it!  So she needed a massive hug just to convince her she was actually here.

It truly was Maia - Sarah welcomed her sister with a wagging tail, and it did not stop, when her sibling in her attempt to hug, leaned all her mass against her and made Sarah fall to the ground. She began to laugh, the sound being a little foreign and awkward, as if it had been a long time, since she had done it last. 

"You can let me go now," she offered politely and smiled at Maia.

She laughed with Sarah and her tail whacked the ground behind her as she shoved her nose affectionately against her sister, up until she finally asked and Maia let her up.  I can't believe you're here. She said, shock and a little awe evident as she stared at her.

Maia loved Terance and Wraen a lot - Wraen had helped raise them for a time and Terance was her big brother. But Sarah - Sarah she admired on a whole other level.  Sarah has helped dad lead.  She was the best at hunting, at teaching, and just... the one Maia had definitely grown up wanting to be like.  And she was HERE.  For terrible reasons, but Maia wasn't going to think about that right now.

Suddenly she didn't... really know what to say.  Which was super weird for the girl who always had something to say.  She couldn't just stand there.  But she was coming up completely blank.

The feeling was mutual - Sarah too could not believe that she was seeing her baby sister eye-to-eye again, that the girl was doing well, seemed happy enough, if not for the dark cloud that had hidden the sun away for a while. She assumed that, if Maia had met Terance, then she already knew. Which spared her to go through the story again, though she would, if her sister asked to. She deserved to know every detail, no matter, how painful it would be for Sarah to recount it. 

She did not know really, what to say or how to break the silence between them. Time had passed, since they had last met, they had grown a bit distant from each other and it was quite natural not to know, where to begin. And therefore she decided to face the least favourite subject and get past it. She almost felt that it would be a lot easier to face Maia afterwards, than it was to face Terance. 

"I understand that you know, why I am here," she had not chosen the best words, but it was a start. "I am sorry that our reunion could not happen under happier circumstances."

For a moment, neither of them spoke, but then Sarah broke the silence and got straight to the worst of it.  That was good.  Maia in no way would have been able to bring it up, knowing it was Sarah who had brought the news in the first place.

Yeah, um. Her voice was tight, but she managed to keep herself together this time.  I'm glad you're okay.  And here.  She'd fallen apart to Terance, and later with Charon.  When she got home, no doubt she'd cry to Wraen too.  But she couldn't fall apart in front of Sarah, no matter what.

Are you going to stay here? She asked, her tone still a little high but she at least kept her voice from mostly shaking so it was good.  She hoped so, Maia felt better knowing Terance had someone.  But she didn't know if after everything Sarah had other plans.

Sarah saw that Maia was keeping up a brave face, though she probably was breaking apart inside. Because it was like that for her - she had revealed it all to Terance, but did not dare to do the same in front of her younger sister. She had been an idol, a mentor and a friend to her once, she wanted to keep that image. Even though crying on each other's shoulders would not be the worst thing in the world.

"For the time being, yes," Sarah nodded. She was taking one step at a time and did not give much thought for the future. That would be too much. "If..." she began, fell silent and then tried again, "...if there is anything more you want to know... you can ask. I won't mind and I don't know, what Terance told you and what he left out."

Okay, good.  Maia nodded, but stopped when Sarah offered to tell her more about everything.  Terance had given a good summary, but not much detail.  Which was fine because Maia really didn't want to hear much.  I don't.... no. She had to stop a minute.  Likely anyone trying to listen to the two of them would have had a maddening time with all the pauses.

She didn't want to know about their parents, but the others maybe.  Do you think they are ok?  Cori, and Cass, and the rest? She finally asked, her voice small and faintly hopeful.  If she hadn't found them, then that meant chances were good they made it out too, same as she did.

"I hope that they do. When we parted, they were on the safe side of the forest," Sarah replied after a brief moment of contemplation. "The fire spread rapidly and it destroyed any scents or footprints. I am not even sure, if I looked for them at the place, where I left them or it was somewhere else," she added, sounding apologetic for her failure. 

"I have faith in Coriander - he is much like Terance - and Cass too that they brought others to safety, even if I did not," she said quietly, looking down at her paws. Her words were laced with shame and regret. She still could not forgive herself for leaving, for not knowing about their fate now. 

"Maia, you... I want you to know that... we... did not leave parents behind willingly," she said after a while. Even if her sister did not want to hear it, Sarah wanted her to know, to understand, why things had come to, what they had. "Mom had been very sick before the fire, she was dying and... dad... they convinced us to go and that they would follow," and it had been a weak attempt to lie, because Osprey would not have been able to walk anywhere. 

"I split from the group, convinced that I could still bring them with us. We had reached the safety so easily," she said, lost in memories of that fateful day. "And... when I found them, they were already dead, looked as if fast asleep, side by side... I think it was the smoke from the fire that... well, it... never mind," she looked up at Maia again. There was the sadness of the world in Sarah's eyes. 

"I am sorry, I could not save them," she told her, hoping for Maia's forgiveness. Something she had not been able to ask from Terance. She believed he still held her responsible for all that had happened. Even if he had not said it so.

It wasn't a lot, but it was something.  Maia nodded, glad that Cori was in charge.  She didn't trust herself to speak for a minute, and even less when Sarah started talking about them.  

She had known mom was sick, but she'd always been that way, and it didn't change the fact that she'd never considered they wouldn't always be there.  And dad - he was older, but he was solid, a rock in her life all growing up.  They both were.  

They were already dead, side by side. She shut her eyes, but it was too late, the image was there.  She felt the tears pricking at them.  They'd gone together, but it didn't matter.  It just meant they were gone.

No. It came out louder and more angry than she meant it to, and as she opened her eyes again, angry tears were falling.  It's not your fault.  Don't act like it's your fault.  Then, remembering it was Sarah she was now kinda yelling at, she deflated.  Dad never would have left her.  Her voice was defeated.  There was no way he would have left any of them, but mom - imagining dad without mom was kinda impossible for her.  Just like imagining them gone now.

I'm glad we know.  She said finally, taking a step towards Sarah, tentatively.  And I'm glad you're staying.  With Terance.  At least for a while.  He'd seemed so okay when he told her, but Maia got the feeling he was lying.  How could he not be lying?

"It's not that easy, but I will try my best," Sarah replied, feeling moved by Maia's loyalty and, what seemed the still naive belief that adults and older siblings could do no wrong. In a way she was right - what had happened, had happened. Coriander had been a promising leader-to-be from early on and she had not left her youngest siblings in uncapable hands. If only she knew for sure that they were alright, she would stop to worry, stop to blame herself.

"Where are you staying?" she asked then, because she had not met Maia upon her arrival and had not known about her presence here (or maybe she had forgotten, if it had been mentioned to her) up until finding her here today.

Good.  Maia's thoughts were similar at that moment, but slightly different.  While she worried heavily, it also wasn't too hard to imagine for her that Cori and Cass had gotten everyone out.  They had always been so good at pretty much everything, and while growing up it had been annoying and made her feel pretty small in comparison, right now it was good.  They could do it.

With Wraen.  We joined Wildfire's pack, south of here somewhere. The specific directions were failing her at the moment.  She's our cousin.  It was a good pack, and she loved the forest.  You should come sometime.  She didn't hesitate to add a slight pleading edge to that look, because that would really be something to look forward to and she was sure Wraen would like to see their sister also.

"Wraen found you then," Sarah remarked, but did not ask any more questions about her littermate's well-being. They had not parted as friends and, while time had passed and things had changed for both of them, she had difficult time recalling a single good memory about Wraen. The bad ones and not so good ones resurfaced more easily. But Maia did not have to know this.

"Mom might have mentioned her," but she was not sure, having not really paid attention or had any real interest about family members outside their immediate circle. "I will at some point," she promised more to appease Maia, but not really sure that she would be able to keep this promise. There were a lot unknown variables still that could change her future entirely.

"You are doing good then?" a weak and awkward attempt to continue the conversation that had begun to stall.

Yeah.  I found her.  Well, kinda sorta.  Wraen had done more in that particular instance actually considering she was sicker than heck when it happened.  And now she missed her more than ever.

Good.  There it was, not only a light spot for her to think about, but one she could share with their sister on top of this awful news. It didn't even occur to her that they might not be as close as she was to her own siblings - Maia wasn't the sort to dwell on negatives.  

And normally she was the sort to keep an awkward conversation alive rather easily.  Today, though, she found herself struggling with a new quiet and a lack of words.  She wasn't ready to blow this first meeting with Sarah in forever, though.  Yeah. They are really cool with travel, so I've been doing that a lot.  There's a lot of cool packs on the coast, but I've only met one.  She wanted to go back, but probably not this trip.

"That sounds amazing," Sarah said - once she had also dreamt and craved for travels and adventures. And now that she was finally free to do, whatever she wanted, and go, wherever she wanted, she... did not wish to do so. The world outside held just as little interest to her than the smaller version of it inside Lost Creek Hollow. In a way she envied Maia and her innocence, but she did not let it show.

"You must have a long way ahead of you then," she made another attempt at keeping the conversation going. "I should not delay you," she added, hating herself for making Maia go, when she would have wished to have her here as long as possible.

It didn't quite work.  Sarah still gave a (totally appropriate and thoughtful) wrapper to their meeting, and Maia swallowed, trying to hide her disappointment.  Yeah, ok.  She probably should.  The less rational part of her brain, the one that always jumped to the worst conclusions, told her of course Sarah didn't want to hang around here with her all day.  She probably just wanted to make sure Maia knew what happened.

She knew for a fact another round of tears was just around the corner, so she leaned forward and gave Sarah a big nudge.  I'll see you later, she said with a tight voice, then managed to turn and somehow depart without all hell breaking loose.  It was a close thing.

"Be safe," Sarah murmured after Maia and stayed at the same place long after her sister had disappeared from her sight. She regretted in sending her away so soon, for not being able to offer any support and for many other things she could not name. But she saw no way of them continuing the conversation now, because the matters they had in common were very difficult and painful to discuss for both of them and as for the rest... Sarah was ashamed to admit that not only she had no interest in it, but also had nothing to share. 

Though it hurt, it was better that Maia was under illusion that Sarah was still her childhood idol and not the empty and cold-hearted bitch she was now.