Neverwinter Forest and the wind, whispering soft lullabies

dated for tomorrow afternoon/evening? reply just whenever ur ready ^^ @Mal sorry this starter is shitty my brain cannot think words

Finally she had made her way back to Neverwinter, after her last visit to the Saints. The border where she now recognized Simmik's scent among others, was becoming quite familiar. And Mal's scent. She took a respectful step back, howling for the leader himself; for whatever words he had to tell her- and settling back on dark haunches to wait patiently for his arrival.

A familiar howl called for him. Hua was back -- and there went the nervous twist of his gut again. He didn't feel quite as bad as their previous meeting -- at least to start -- but it would probably settle in soon enough. He trotted to go meet her quickly, making sure he didn't look like a mess or anything on the way, but he doubted that'd change the outcome any. Guess it was time.

He was absolutely avoiding the issue right to start though, grinning as he came over to her, You were awesome yesterday. Okay, even if somehow by the end of the thread she wasn't, the first part had definitely impressed him. He still wasn't going to initiate their conversation too affectionately for similar reasons as before, but at least it was less awkward on his side of things this time around, or as far. He'd have preferred otherwise, but again, he didn't want her to think he was awful for doing so if she hated him at the end of it. Now if she wanted to, ok, he'd totally return whatever she did, because duh.

As he came up grinning, despite his lack of contact initiation, she stood, leaned in to bump shoulders with him like a bro. Thank you, Mal. I think we are all pretty cool yesterday, She laughed, recalling the rush of adrenaline that had pushed her to speak up so boldly- and the way many of them had had their own well-justified testaments. No matter what that dude said about their words, Huā felt they had won; she clinked the imaginary champagne glasses with other leaders in her mind. And thank you, and Simmik, for helping. So... what you need to tell me? She questioned, settling back onto her haunches with ears pricked forward to listen.

He'd take a shoulder bump. Was better than nothing at least! He grinned, Yeah.

But that didn't last long. Yeah. The thing Ah. What cheer he had disappeared quickly. His ears tipped back. Well. There's no good way for me to approach any of it so I just gotta say it straight. I have pups in my pack too, and I'm sorry. He was certainly apologetic about it, and if she'd noticed before the weird way he was, it likely explained a thing or two -- this had been hanging over his head for how long, eating away at him? Either way, he was expecting it to be bad.

His head drooped, But when packmates of yours came by nobody said anything so I thought you hadn't gotten pregnant -- and that you'd turned me down anyway. Though from the god's eye view, she pretty much had, hadn't she? She'd picked Atausiq instead of Mal, not that he'd known. So getting asked to father other pups in my pack for those that wanted them didn't seem like a big deal -- I'd get to be a dad and that'd be great. But now knowing, it is -- and just.. I'm really really sorry -- But by then he was wound up enough that he was running sentences together, desperately hoping his explanations would equal forgiveness, I promised I'd be there to help out and I wasn't -- I couldn't -- and things would have been different but I can't go back and change anything now. I never ever wanted to hurt you and I'm sure I have and destroyed chances at everything, but I didn't know voice cracking just a little, and this isn't the way I wanted things, and I can't figure out how to fix it and I'm just really damn sorry-- Mal trailed off with a wheeze, barely managing to stop himself there or he probably would have devolved into bawling. He expected the anger, assumed he deserved it, was sure he'd hurt Hua beyond repair, and the only thing he could think of to stave any of it was to show how much it had hurt him, to be honest, because he didn't lie about things that actually mattered.

thank god I rolled the calm reaction LOL

A cloud seemed to fall over him when the question was asked, and her own eyebrows wrinkled themselves in worried reflection, expectant. 

There's no good way for me to approach any of it so I just gotta say it straight. I have pups in my pack too, and I'm sorry.

White noise, then. A part of her had always worried that he would have other lovers; it was the risk of conceiving out of wedlock. Her mother would've been ashamed of her once upon a time. After the initial shock, she tuned back in, expression unreadable now.

...I thought you hadn't gotten pregnant -- and that you'd turned me down anyway.

What? When had she turned him down, she thought? When Huā had come to him for advice, he suggested that she play the pregnancy off as a preplan, a sacrifice- but whatever other proposal might've been hidden underneath that had flown completely over her head. If he wanted her now, she would be his, all he had to do was vocalize it. Or had he read between the lines? Figured she didn't want him because she hadn't come to live with him? Her brow knotted then, slightly perplexed by his words. 

The fact that several women asked him to father their pups was... well, strange to her. At 海龙泻湖，it was the other way around- a man with great power might have many girls to bear his children- though he did little asking, and the girls did not request. It made sense in some ways, though. If he was the equivalent of the emperor here, of course he would have many concubines to give him plenty of offspring... right? But the key in that story was that there were the concubines, and then there was the wife. All she wished was that the other women would not rise above her, nor their children rise above her own, and that one day, she might see herself at his side. No big deal. 

But he was apologizing now, stating that it was a big deal. So what were these girls to him? Huā cared more about the other women than the children- she did not wish to be the side piece, the concubine. If the mothers of his other children were romantically involved with him... Huā didn't want to be the jealous bitch, but she was definitely the jealous bitch. Staying cool though. As his voice cracked, she got to her feet again and came to him, settling at his side and wrapping him into something like a canine hug. 

When he trailed off, she sighed gently. A long pause. 

It is okay, Mal. I am okay. You also will be okay. I do not care if you have other children, with other girl, I... I just want one thing from you. Other children do not inter- ah, not affect it. She pulled away to gaze at his face, his eyes. I just want you. More than the other women. Even if you have a lot of son and daughter, it is okay. She was quiet then, awkward, ears flattening to her head shyly and unsure how to continue, or how to explain the complexities of her feelings.

Talk about whiplash. Instead of being angry or at all flustered, she embraced him. He leaned in to her, albeit now intensely confused about the whole thing. No anger? He turned his face into her fur, more just reacting while his brain was trying to process what she was saying.

The thing about Mal was that he had absolutely no basis for what anything should be like. Sure, he knew it seemed like more than a few preferred just having one mate or what-have-you. And he wasn't sure if there was a difference between the ones that spoke of mates and the others of wives and husbands. Was there like a tier system? Or if he told Hua that's what he wanted, did he have to step away from Aibreann? Well, at this point he wasn't sure whether Cupid was going to wake up again to make it an issue or not. It was kind of still a mess.

Mal was still pretty much dumbstruck. Blinkblink. Finally, a slight laugh, kind of cautious if anything, frayed a little around the edges from his earlier bit of panic, I'll admit that wasn't what I was expecting to hear. Yeah, thanks Cupid. A faint smile returned, and he reached out to give her a shy lick to her muzzle. I want to make you happy. But I'm really good at messing stuff up, a self-deprecating but cheeky grin at that, but that isn't exactly my life goal... But, in a land of cluelessness, his best friend was to try and make things humorous and playful, cheeky grin and all -- though he wasn't nearly confident right now for it to be purposely flirty, So if I say I have no idea what I'm doing, will you tell me what you'd like? Which was honest, perhaps too much so if she took it absolutely literally, which he was kind of hoping she didn't, even if literally was true. Mal and Hua seemed to at least kinda be on the same page, so if he could find some sort of good way to make the wolves he cared about happy and that everyone got all of the benefits and none of the negatives, that was a nice little ideal world to work towards.

He leaned into her, and when she pulled away and said what she wished to, a nervous little half-laugh rose from his throat. He tells her it wasn't what he'd expected to hear- and she snorted without meaning to, considering the fact that she had not expected... any of this. After the nervousness seemed to fade a little came the touch of Mal's kiss; instinctively Huā drew back into herself like a turtle- not meaning to be rude, and not even wholly avoiding the contact successfully- but feeling so awkward in these moments. 

I want to make you happy. But I'm really good at messing stuff up.

Probably I more than you mess stuff up, She laughed with a ashamed shake of her head. When he spoke of life goal, she thought to herself, of course none would seek to ruin things. But on a more serious note, she was not sure what Mal wanted in life. That had to be important, right? But I want make you happy too. 

She wasn't even completely sure what her ideal life looked like. When she was young it had been perfect: an arranged marriage to a nobleman's son, being a good wife, bearing his children, teaching her sons to be well-behaved and raising a good family, living out a quiet life within the den. Want to make the universe laugh? Tell it your plans. Her visions for her future were thrown down the drain last spring when everything went to shit- the betrayal, fleeing her homeland, coming here and birthing a man's bastard litter, unmarried. Things would never be the way she imagined them. At a time it had been terrible, now she saw it as an opportunity to open new doors; these were not the doors she had known her whole life, though, and she was unsure which ones drew her the most. 

Mal admitted he had no idea what he was doing... but neither did she, truly. The issue with a language hurdle was that Huā occasionally took things too literally, and so at his last words, she scrunched her brows. I do not know what I am doing, either... maybe we both learn... together? And, ah- what I would like? What do you mean? She questioned with a curious cant of her head. Was this about relationships? Or parenting?

See, stuff like this just confused him. Now she was hesitant so now he was left wondering if he'd somehow done something wrong, but she hadn't said... Just... Dammit this really was complicated, okay? But they were kind of on the same page again when it came to what they wanted. Well, at a very basic level at least -- it still brought a bit of a smile to his face.

However, unlike Hua, Mal didn't have some guide that he thought would have been nice way to live. He was still figuring out what it would be, but figured trying to get everyone together and happy would be way harder than he could even imagine. The quieter 'together' she spoke, he nodded -- it sounded good but he didn't know what he'd be getting into either. Heck, Mal had pretty much confused Hua about as much as he was confused, sounded like, they were both really good at this, About.. I dunno. Anything? Everything? I mean, growing up we were pretty much ignored. I've been figuring how totally normal stuff works on my own the whole time since -- and... I guess people are just hard to figure out sometimes. I don't really know how to explain it more than that. But I don't want mistakes with you. Like what happened with Cupid. He still didn't understand that at all -- it had all been pretty reasonable choices on his part and he had not a damn clue why he'd freaked the hell out like that.

Anything? Everything? Was that his attempt at explaining?

Because that totally made things clearer. She squinted momentarily, soon falling into an expression of intent listening as he mentioned something of his childhood. Being ignored. That sucked. Huā couldn't say the same of herself- though her father was often busy and away, her mother had always taught them how things ought to be. It had been a bit of a shock exiting the land of their culture; finding things were different in the beyond. In that way then, she thought, there was no true 'normal'. If every group and culture had its own rules, anyone who no longer fell under those groups or cultures ultimately defined their own version of what normal looked like. 

Mal, I sorry you grow up this way... but I do not know how 'totally normal stuff' work either... She murmured. And, and- mistake is okay. We, um, all make mistake, right? Cliche, but she cracked him an awkward smile, an attempt at comfort. Her gaze fell as she was thoughtful, trying to understand what she would like, in terms of Mal's oh-so-specific anything and everything. I do not even know what I like, yet. Sometime I feel old, but still so young, and not sure where I should go with my life... and, I do not even know all of myself. Huā felt her words were dissolving into something rambling and meaningless, she shook her head to herself, gaze lifting back to him.

But- maybe even if I do not know now, I can tell you what I like as time pass. As time passes, over what? She wasn't even sure what they were agreeing to, if anything. Things seemed to move quickly before her, words were perplexing. It was all so fast- learning of other children, forgiving it immediately and confessing her only wish between them, and then this- words of unsureity, of seeking direction from eachother. A shaky breath of nervousness exhaled, and she was unable to meet his gaze. 

Um, I am curious- the other mother, they are what to you?

Hua did make him feel a little bit better about it all. They'd get to be foolish together from the sound of it. He nodded and was to a point equally nervous and unknowing about all of it. But in the interest of this post not being any more dialog, let's move on!

He wondered what the answer was she wanted to hear. Or if there was any way to actually simplify things. Like um.. What do you mean? I make sure they have everything they want and need. And I try to not like.. favor any one set of kids or anything. Uh. Really, Aibreann and Cupid were probably the complex two if it made sense -- two opposite sides of the spectrum? I mean.. Miriam likes some distance I guess? I've tried to be better friends with her, but she's just quiet. He shrugged. And Aibreann is very... Practical. And nice. But worried about stability -- I'm sure drama like what's happened with Donovan doesn't help. But I'll do what I can to make things better. He left it at that. But perhaps it was because it was all treated like business that he was hesitant to jump in to anything more with all four feet. Also 'cause bein' vague about incomplete threads for now unless pushed!

Sigh. Time for the last. Cupid is the complicated one. Um. Like he's a guy but his body doesn't match. He's also wasn't one of those who asked for pups -- I met him before I met you, and we were both idiots and didn't realize what would happen... And look, I don't know if you care about the long story or what all happened up until recently, but he's.. Well. Something happened to him and now we don't know if he's going to wake up again. And even if he does, the last time I talked to him I accidentally pissed him the hell off. Well, there was more to it than that, but as it were, it seemed weird to talk bad about someone who might die. Of course, Mal didn't want him to die, and with his ears tipped back on his head, it was probably obvious the whole thing troubled him. He isn't an easy wolf to befriend and now... Shrug. Now he didn't know. It didn't make sense. He did know what seemed like a crazy overreaction on Cupid's part did hurt because it came out of left field. And then for Mal to not be able to fix things? Worse. He worried for Caerus.

So let's see, one that was quiet, one that probably hated him... That meant Aibreann's description was a glowing review in comparison, wasn't it?

700 for ya<3

He began talking about how he provided for them, and then went on to give descriptions of... their personalities? That wasn't really what Huā wanted. I want to know your feelings for them, you idiot! She thought, annoyed within her head, though did not speak yet. The only thing that helped was Mal saying he tried to be "better friends" with one, and her paranoid side suspected that he wanted this girl. Whatever. If the girl liked distance, Huā was satisfied with that; it meant Mal was likely not getting any closer with her. Aibreann sounded like more of a threat, despite the description that barely touched on their relationship- she was nice, and as simple as that was, perhaps it was enough to attract Mal- and on her end, perhaps it meant more than simple politeness. Eyes narrowed slightly.

Then came the third dedescription of... a male? Huā's head noticeably tilted, not judgemental, but perplexed. She hadn't heard of such a thing... body not matching his masculinity? Was he like a eunuch, she wondered? But even they only had some things removed, and still unable to produce children- and now she was more confused, thinking how a man might birth a child. Eyebrow quirked as he continued his story. If he's going to wake up? Sh- he is alive? Is he... asleep? Sounded like dumb questions, but Huā honestly didn't know what a coma, or anything like it, was.

When Mal explained that he wasn't easy to befriend, Huā's feelings were complicated. He had spoke of wolves asking him to give them children- but this one was described as more of an accident (much like Huā and Mal's own brood). So beside Aibreann, who was nice, there was this fellow who he had boinked out of attraction or for the hell of it, or for some reason besides creating kids- which meant he likely still harbored some attraction. But now he was saying he'd pissed this guy off? So what was the relationship between them? It seemed rather complicated to Huā, and she still wasn't really sure who her competition here was.

Congrats! :D Mine is short though, shhh, should be working. >_>

Well, the way Mal described them did kind of say how he felt about them. Well, kinda. Cupid was complicated. It was probably something dumb like because Cupid had never been super nice to him, he wanted Cupid to see the error in his ways. That and Mal didn't like being on weird terms with people in his own pack. They should all get along, be friendly, blah blah blah. And that went double for someone he had a kid with. Mal probably gave too much of himself but hey, the poor dude just wanted to be loved a little and couldn't seem to get things quite right.

Uh, sort of asleep? I forget what she called it exactly. But basically the only thing to do was to wait and see. He didn't like it. Hell, there were a lot of things he didn't like about the various situations overall, and it wasn't his favorite thing to sort through, and definitely didn't want to burden Hua with it, especially if she wasn't interested. It all troubled him.

wow @ the fact that I apparently wrote 45 posts since my last post in this thread... clearly I didnt know what to say LOL... sorry for the wait!!

 

Sort of asleep. Wow. That still didn't tell her much, even though it was pretty much a perfect description- it was just Huā's fault, because she couldn't really imagine how someone could sleep longer than a day. Why didn't they just... wake up? Clearly she wasn't much of a doctor. Wait and see. Well, if Huā was lucky- there would be an outcome in which no one would die while asleep, but no one would wake up and steal "her man" either. Couldn't this Cupid just... wake up and wander off somewhere far away from Mal's gaze? Huā felt her heart sink, knowing she was having such selfish thoughts. She shooed them away. She was supposed to be caring. Even if she didn't want more wolves in her way, Mal apparently liked this... guy, and she wanted him to be happy. 

Well, ah- I hope things will improve for him soon. Pray he will wake up. Her earlier tone of hopeful eagerness had fallen away into something rather reserved, as she suddenly felt awkward remaining here- there were too many things to be worked out that could not be approached as clearly as she wished they could. There was no way to figure this all out here and now, especially not while this Cupid was asleep... since he was clearly some important piece of this puzzle. Her gaze fell to the ground.

Yeah, it felt weird to be talking about it. But at least Hua wasn't angry. He didn't want to ruin things with her, so he'd accept awkward and try and fix it in the future -- it seemed more within reach than befriending Cupid at least. It's about all we can do. And even if he did wake up, Mal still wasn't sure if things were fixable. He hoped they were. He still didn't understand why it had turned the way it had. 

Pause. Awkward silence. But he peered back at her, sort of shy to start because he wasn't sure whether he was saying things right, But next time when we meet up, I'd love to be able to not have it be business, you know? I'd like to be able to get to know you better. Be able to have things not be quite so awkward. By then he grinned a little, sheepish. He sort of shifted a little towards her, a sort of nudge that was more into the air than actually touching her, uncertain if she would think it was totally inappropriate to actually do so. But that was the funny thing about emotions, wasn't it? He could be sad about one thing but happy about another. Details be damned.

wraperoo soon?

There was a moment of awkwardness, and then Mal suggested that they meet next time for something besides business- and she nodded eagerly, unaware that her next visit would unfortunately be about the Saints. Ah well. Me too, She agreed shyly, flashing him a little smile and accepting his almost-touch easily now. I see you later? She proposed, dark ears flattening, not wishing to leave, but knowing she ought not overstay her visit.

A brighter, more devilish grin, Count on it. I'd ask you to stay a bit but you do probably have to get home after all the excitement, huh? Some time in the future, he figured. I'll be looking forward to seeing you again. In a way it was hard for him to stay put, not push the limits probably a bit too far -- sure, in more than a few ways Mal was certainly emotionally childish, but he could be reasonable. Sometimes.

She nodded bashfully, in a cliche way comparable to a schoolgirl, knowing it was the right time to go. Though their first meeting had been quite the opposite, Huā knew the value of a slow and modest development- it was the way things could've been back home with an arranged husband. Now things were different, and she had messed up so many times along the way, but the empress still believed she could create that dream life for herself, even if a few aspects were broken or missing. I look forward to you also. She returned, and then in a show of good spirits offered a playful little wink- before making her way off, mind busy all the way home.