Shadow Mountain and i need you now

for @Desna

'Shadow Mountain' seemed as fitting a name as any, Cicero mused as he walked through the dark valleys. There was little shadow to be seen -- or rather, little no-shadow to be seen -- for everywhere the patchwork boy walked was cloaked in darkness. The clouds above mirrored his feelings, dark and looming and foreboding of the night that he dreaded so much. He would need to seek shelter soon so that he could rest the night away without fear. There were fresh wounds along his muzzle where teeth had locked around it, and blood was caked to his ears and neck, the hairs in his scruff ruffled from where he had been grabbed. Although there were no visible injuries there, Cicero's tail was folded between his hind legs to provide a fake sense of security and a blanket for his shame to hide under. Cicero had always enjoyed pain, savoured it like no other emotion, from when he was little. But this time, it was different.

Cicero cast one last glance in the direction of Phoenix Maplewood, where he'd presumably visited, before he turned away and started on along a path that wound through Shadow Mountain. He could not find his way home soon enough.

Desna had been traveling for two days now. She had told @Reek that she was leaving and that she was planning on returning soon. She had told him that she was going to see her father and tell him about what happened to her mother. She was excited to travel, but now being here on the mountain ridge all alone it was kind of ... strange. She had always been in a pack and now she was vulnerable and alone. She had howled several times for Sheo but she couldn't find him. His location had been vague but she felt like this was the place? She decided to stay put and wait at least.

Later she ran into Sheo's scent. Her heart leaped and instantly started to track it. The dark colored girl rushed forward until she saw him. "SHEO!," she called out. "I found you!," she let out sounding so relieved. Then she saw the wounds on his muzzle and his ruffled hair. "Are you okay? What happened? You look different. It is me! Desna!," she let out, getting a bit worried now.

Cicero visibly startled when the girl's voice rung through the air, particularly when she called out the name he despised most in the world. Sheogorath. The wolf that he was and at the same time, was very muchly so not. Cicero opened his mouth, but no words came out before the girl got in words of worry. She was young. Cicero could not help but wonder if Sheogorath had sated his perverse desires on her flesh, too. She looked almost happy to see him. What promises had his dark shadow made?

One question stood out -- what happened -- but Cicero did not need to answer it, for she gave her name and everything changed. Desna. "Desna, of course," he spoke, though mostly to himself. This was not some fling of Sheogorath's; this was a mission. Cicero longed to warn Desna to stay away from Sheo, but it might jeopardise whatever he had been planning.

"Desna, it is good to see you. Sorry, Cic--" He bit his tongue upon realising he was almost giving himself away. Cicero could not bring himself to say 'I', though, for it would remind him of the beast beneath his skin. "Had a rough night. What is Desna doing here? " Cicero felt awkward talking to her, knowing that he was supposed to be Sheogorath, knowing he was different, but, in lack of non blood stained memories of Sheogorath, unable to really be the beast himself.

Desna looked at the male that would bring her to her father's pack. She tipped her head a bit when he spoke. She was quite worried. He seemed to recognize her, so that was good. For now Desna was tricked which wasn't the most difficult thing. "I can see you had a rough night? Are you okay?," she asked, sounding worried. She thought Sheo had been weird at first but seeing that the had offered to help her she saw him as a friend.

Desna was a bit baffled when Sheo didn't remember. She looked a bit hurt. "We would meet at the mountain. I waited for you. You... You promised to help me find the dark forest over the mountain... So I could see my dad. Did-- Did you forget about me?," she asked, her voice sounding so sad when she asked that. She stepped a bit back, looking very hurt. She was quite hesitant now, and these lands didn't look too nice. Maybe she shouldn't have left Phoenix. "Did you lie?," she whispered. Her tail had moved down by now, moving to nestle between her legs.

"No," Cicero answered bluntly to Desna's question. He was not okay. Cicero had never been one for formalities, and so he did not beat around the bush when it came to questions on the matter of his mental or physical health, either. His tail remained tucked between hind legs, though he felt a bit more relaxed in Desna's company than he was alone -- she was clearly as harmless as her mother -- and tongue lapped out occasionally, even though he could not reach the cuts on his lips.

Desna looked sad then, and Cicero could not blame her. Sheogorath had apparently made promises that he did not remember. "No," Cicero said hastily while he looked at her sad face, feeling a sudden, foreign feeling gush of sympathy. "The dark forest is just over the mountains. Can show Desna." Cicero looked apologetic, hoping that he would not chase her away with the weirdness that he was showing. Hopefully she would buy it so that Cicero would not completely wreck whatever Sheogorath had planned. She seemed to come along voluntarily, at least, which was good. "Sorry, things were not very nice this night, but... I -- remember now, Desna. Of course I remember. " It hurt to talk like Sheogorath, but since she looked hurt Cicero felt that he needed to make sure she didn't see that he was someone else now (although be estimated that not many would consider the possibility, anyway) as to not jeopardise the mission.

Desna's ears dropped when Sheo told her that he wasn't okay. He seemed really out of himself and she wondered what happened that made Sheo feel this way about himself. The girl stepped a bit closer. She listened to him and what he had to said. Once again he mentioned that this night wasn't a good night. Desna was quickly convinced that she had not been forgotten. She might be more sure what she wanted in life than her mother but she did have a bit of that child like innocence. She had matured a lot more already ever since he mother had died. "Okay," she spoke, somewhat forgiving him.

She stepped closer and then tentatively started to reach out to lick the would on his muzzle. There was enough hesitation from her side for Sheo to back off if he didn't want her to lick him. Desna didn't want him to feel so bad so she hoped by cleaning his muzzle he would at least feel better. If her forwardness wasn't accepted she would quietly back off and motion for Sheo to take the lead. She would follow. She was used to that as lowest in rank.

Luckily Desna did not question him further, causing Cicero to relax somewhat. She would not be of danger to him, he realised. Cicero bared his teeth in instinct when Desna approached, but he relaxed again when he realised that all she wanted to do was to clean his wounds. Cicero cringed at the touch, from the pain the touch to his wounds caused to the emotional feeling of having someone close to him. It reminded him of the feral way that the white wolf had taken him, had caused these wounds, even if the actions displayed were far apart.

After a few minutes of silence in which Cicero allowed Desna to clean his wounds he said: "Let's go." Cicero lead the way across the mountains, in silence at first. After an hour of walking, Cicero cleared his throat and said: "Is Desna looking forward to seeing Kove again?" He offered a thin, forced smile that was very unlike Cicero, to show that he meant well despite his silence so far. He wondered if Desna was more like her mother or father; or maybe a little like both, or neither.

Writing this on iPad so we will see how this goes.

Desna stepped back when Sheo showed her his teeth. Instantly she wanted to be respectful towards him and back off but it seemed her advances were accepted. She cleaned his wounds by licking the. There was not much ther medical actions coming from her. She wasn't even sure if she licked it clean. The young female nodded quietly when Sheo told her they should leave. It was a quiet walk through the mountains.

Then the male asked her something, yet it instantly made her freeze in mid step. Desna blinked in confusion. There was something off here. "I never told you my dad's name," she stated with a scowl. This was the second time Sheo was different... Was this his evil twin!? If only she would realize she already met the evil twin. "You better tell me what is up right now because otherwise I am not moving another step," she demanded. A girl could only be fooled for so long.

^-- me the first time i write from my cellphone... and now i do it all the time. xD the word swipe function made it possible for me, saves a lot of actual typing. :D

The problem with having a demon inside that did things you had no recollection of was that you didn't know what they said or knew... Or, in this case, didn't know. Cicero froze when Desna did too, and he realised that he made the mistake of assumption. He had assumed Sheogorath had played open with her, but of course he had not. He should have known, but it was too late now and all he could do was attempt to mend his mistake.

Mismatched eyes looked at Desna through a cold façade. He wished that he could show her the warmth that was somewhere deep down in his soul, but Cicero did not feel it, and so he could not show it. He felt cold, as if he did not care about what happened to Desna. He wondered if she was warm, like her mother, although with a father like Kove she could never be too dark. Cicero considered trying to fool her, play Sheogorath's game, but he had enough of Sheogorath's manipulation. Perhaps it was because he felt as much a victim of it as Desna was that he decided to put his cards on the table instead of continuing to play the spy's game.

"Cicero is not a bad wolf. Cicero is not Sheogorath," he said, his eyes seeking hers, void of emotion. "Cicero lives in the dark woods. He knows Kove. There are no tricks, all Kove wishes is for to see Desna again." Cicero waited for her reply then, hoping that she would understand that he spoke the truth. He had no reason not to, for he despised Sheogorath as much as she might now, although he could imagine her thinking he did. He did not try to explain his identity to her beyond saying that he was not Sheogorath; beside the risk that she would not believe him, Cicero knew that anyone else knowing of his identities would create a liability that his pack might find out and cast him out for the monster that he was hiding.

Desna frowned when Sheo was suddenly calling himself Cicero and talking weird about himself. The girl stepped back and shook her head. "So you lied to me," she stated, being rather hurt that even this Cicero had been acting like this Sheo while he wasn't even Sheo. Desna was quite hurt that she had been played. Desna created more space between them, feeling rathe unsafe now. Her father wanted to see her? And he was sending this male? One that couldn't even remember what he did and promised? What kind of dark woods did her father live and came from? Was he as crazy as this wolf.

Desna bared her teeth a bit in distrust. "I don't believe you," she hissed through her teeth. "I don't need you, I will find those woods myself. I can't believe I trusted you," she growled. Now she looks more mad at herself than that she was actually mad at Cicero/Sherogath. The girl's tail flickered angrily. She should leave him, go her own way and find these woods her father lived in. They were probably over the mountains and they were already heading in the right direction. It couldn't be that hard right? "I am leaving," she stated stubbornly and then started to walk off.

She is not officially out of the thread :P

As though the cuts along his muzzle and face didn't hurt enough, Desna's anger was like a whip lash in the face. If whatever Sheogorath had planned would have worked, maybe it would have been worth it. Maybe he could have come to terms with what he had done. Cicero felt the urge to flee and leave her be, for she obviously did not want to come with anyway.

Even though the last thing he wanted was for Desna to know of his secret, his emotions made him reply to correct a wrongdoing. "Cicero did not lie to you. Sheogorath did." Cicero felt a burning anger -- one rare to Cicero -- as he thought of the beast, but he also knew that his anger only fed Sheogorath. He was not angry at Desna, though. Only at Sheogorath, and moreover, at himself, because he knew deep down that he was Sheogorath, and he had dug this grave.

"I'm sorry." It frightened Cicero that he wasn't even sure who was speaking there. There was an earnest frown on his face as he fell in step with Desna and said: "The forest is a bit more southbound. If that is really what Desna wants, Cicero will leave her be. But if Desna is as kind hearted and forgiving as the Scarlett Cicero knew, or wants to accept help extended, then she can follow Cicero to the forest, accompanied by conversation or at a distance. No tricks." He had never intended any tricks, anyway. Cicero looked away then, with an unusually emotional squint of his eyes, and he ushered a soft sigh as he turned into a path across the mountain ridge, turning further south from where Desna was headed to show the way. His gait remained slow, giving her ample time to catch up if she wished to.

He hoped that she would take up on his offer, whether she would follow him from a distance or decide to give him a second chance. Not so much for his own sake, for Cicero put little value in himself or, more specifically, his relations to strangers outside of the pack, but for her own, so that she could find what she was looking for... And have at least one well willing wolf standing guard when she would reach the Dark Brotherhood.

Desna stopped walking and turned around to hear his sorry. She was kind of weirded out that this wolf thought he had two personalities living inside of him. She did not feel that it was safe to travel with him. The young girl was quite at loss what to do now. He did know the names of her father and mother. Desna had the feeling that hr mother's forgiving nature was always getting her in trouble. Desna didn't want to give this male another chance he had lied quite often to her and that was not what she liked whether it was with Sheo or this Cicero. "I am not. I hate it when people play with me after I gave them their trust," she returned. Many wolves had broken her trust including her own sisters.

Desna was definitely more stubborn than her mother. "I will find it myself. I do not forgive you," she spoke. The girl was pretty sure that she was not going to join her father's pack, absolutely sure to be honest. Seeing that this wolf lived there then she knew enough. It also meant that Xan mean nature had festered even more. She was not looking forward to see her brother, expecting him to be mean to her again like he had when they were little. However she wanted to see her dad. She had still many questions why their family had split up like that, but she probably wouldn't ask her father that. Their relationship had been tainted. She let out a scowl at the wolf that tricked her and ran off southbound. Not caring if they were going to walk the same path or if she would take the longer route. Desna was stubborn and bossy. If Cicero was going to trick her she would find the way herself.

Desna Exit. She is so damn stubborn. xD

Cicero did not mourn Desna's departure. There was little use to fuss over the little problems of life. It gave him interesting insight into Desna's personality that she so willingly denied help and refused forgiveness. Cicero did not seen forgiveness, however; he did not care for her opinion of him. He had not admitted to feeling sorry because he wanted her forgiveness, only because he was genuinely sorry for whatever Sheogorath had had planned, knowing that it would have been against Burke's request not to exert force.

As he walked away, Cicero wondered if he should've forced her to come with him, dragged her to the Woods. Perhaps if he had been feeling more himself he might have, embracing the darkness inside, but as it were Cicero was too busy with his personal turmoil.

After their paths divided, Cicero started to make his way home, even though he did not feel like being there much either, unable to face his shame; unable to face his brother, who should have been the one to take his virginity.

Still, he followed the route home, occasionally looking over his shoulder to see if Desna followed at a distance like he offered.

It was funny, Cicero thought to himself, how Desna clearly thought herself unlike the dark wolves of Blackfeather, unaware -- or rather, unaccepting -- that she herself took after her father more than her mother. There was a darkness inside of her not unlike his own. Perhaps she would realise it some day.