Redhawk Caldera lazy afternoons

Eljay spent most of his days around the den with @Lucy , @Liffey and @Lagan (and of course @Elwood and @Finley ), but he also made time a few times a week to drop by a visit to @Peregrine and @Fox and their remaining children, @Gannet , @Whip and @Ferret (and @Peter — at least in Eljay's mind; he would often wistfully mention Peter to the other children as if Peter was still out and about, tell them a story about something cool he'd done with Peter, search for treasure to gift to Peter — he had a den full now — or tell them about things Peter liked, such as snuggling up).

Presently though, Eljay was laying around outside of the Blackthorn family den, lazing about while he kept an eye on the pups inside of the den. Though he looked to be enjoying the sun, Eljay was guarding. He hoped that he'd draw in Gannet, Whip, Peter or Ferret for a visit so that he could show them his new baby siblings. With a soft smile he closed his eyes to slits, waiting for someone to join him or for a quiet afternoon, whichever happened first.

I assume Perry knows all about this sitch but just let me know if you want me to change anything! :)

He hadn't noticed at first, or at least it hadn't sunk in. But as the weeks since Peter's death passed, it dawned on Peregrine: Eljay did not seem to have accepted the runt's death. Although this made Peregrine sad for his nephew, he more than likely would have left it alone, letting him process in his own way and in his own time. He wasn't a psychologist, after all. But then Eljay began to confuse the remaining Firebirds by acting as if Peter was still alive somewhere. This was unacceptable and Peregrine knew he had to put a kibosh on it.

Eljay was (clearly) a sensitive individual, someone the Alpha cared for deeply, and he wanted to approach it firmly but gently. He arrived at the den to find his nephew basking in the sunlight as he presumably stood guard over his baby siblings. Peregrine dropped the fresh rabbit he had brought, setting it aside as he took a seat in front of the young Delta. He favored the top of his head with a fond smile.

"I'm glad you're here, Eljay. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

OH HI IT'S MOM

Since waking, Finley had grown more and more aware of her son's strange perception of Peter's death. It had been in only whispers at first, and those could be easily ignored or construed as misunderstanding. But that was ignorance that could not last as Fin began to watch her eldest son more and more, and listen as he chatted nonchalantly with his siblings, telling stories of his adventures with Peter and declaring his excitement for when they would get to meet the lost Firebird.

Fin had yet to decide how to approach the matter, and with the pups keeping her walled in and Eljay almost always present, she had been unable to speak candidly with Elwood about the situation. As it had done no harm thus far, the beta had grown content to wait until the timing was better, and when she and her mate could address it in the best manner. It was quite forward thinking of her, but it also gave her the excuse to delay and she did so love to avoid uncomfortable conversations.

Peregrine, it seemed, might have different plans.

Finley was smushing a fussy Liffey against a nipple when she heard the alpha approach. His scent came to her, letting her know who it was. For a second, she was excited by the smell of dead animal that accompanied him, but soon enough she paused at what she heard him say to her son and the tone that flavored his words. Intrigue rose in her, but she remained silent as she had no reason to suspect that he might be about to disrupt the precarious mental wellness situation Eljay had developed.

yes, that's fine :)

When Uncle P came closer, a black moving splotch blocked what little Eljay could see through his contently narrowed eyes. He opened them then and Eljay smiled, tail swatting at the ground lightly. "Hi Uncle P," he said softly. "How's the kids?" He wasn't yet aware that 'the kids' was exactly what Uncle P wanted to talk about with him.

Eljay looked at the rabbit and crawled forward a bit to lick Uncle P's chin respectfully. When Uncle P spoke though, he got an ominous feeling in his gut. He didn't like it when others said 'can I talk to you for a minute', because usually it was something distressing that was the subject. "Uhm, okay," he said and he shifted his weight from one side to the other, then hauled himself up into a seated position. He was yet unaware of mommy's awake presence inside of the den, presuming everyone to be asleep.

When the yearling moved to lick at his chin, Peregrine arched his neck to nibble fondly at the bridge of his muzzle. "They're all right," he replied after pulling back slightly. Eljay seemed a little apprehensive but that didn't surprise the Alpha. He was an intuitive young man. He probably sensed the nature of this conversation. "It's about them, actually," he added after a pause. Eljay had pushed himself upright, so Peregrine took a seat to put them on equal footing.

He really didn't even know where to start and it wasn't like the monarch was one to sugarcoat things, so after gathering his thoughts a moment, he found and held Eljay's gaze. "Eljay, Peter is dead. I know it's hard, feels impossible to accept. And I hate to force your hand here, buddy, because everyone mourns differently." He took a steadying breath. "But it's starting to confuse the boys. I need them to understand and cope with the fact that Peter's gone and not coming back. I need you to understand and cope too."

There was more, much more, Peregrine wanted to say. He did not want to inundate Eljay, though, so he paused there to allow his nephew to digest what he'd said, gave him an opportunity to react however he would to his uncle's words.

Fin was quiet as she listened, smiling slightly at the affectionate moniker her son had given their alpha. Uncle P responded in kind, and immediately alarm rose in her when he mentioned that it was about the kids. She could do nothing to stop the words that came from Peregrine's throat, for she had to dislodge herself from at least one suckling infant. But quick as she could, Finley left the den to arrive at the tail end of her alpha's commentary.

The mother barked sharply, wanting to stop him from speaking any further. "Peregrine," she started, with clear aggitation, "I need to speak to your for a minute." Turning, she looked at Eljay with a smile, "Jay, why don't you take the rabbit and put it in the cache by the stream you and dad made the other day. We can have it later and maybe try feeding it to the kids when they wake, hm?"

Fin hoped her son would sense the command in her words and leave them for a few minutes at least. She'd never anticipated that Peregrine would act without speaking to her or Elwood first. Alpha he may but he was not Eljay's parent, and this was not his conversation to have.

Uncle P settled on the ground to mirror Eljay's position and he waited nervously for what was to come. Instantly he worried that Uncle P or Aunt Fox might have found fault with his puppysitting abilities when the kids were mentioned. He didn't even consider that this might be about Peter because the moments of acceptance were far and few between; he genuinely rarely realised the truth out loud. It was like he knew, but only somewhere deep down, so this was his way of coping.

So when the words came out sharp as a knife -- Peter is dead -- his first thought was 'what happened!' but then memories returned to him and he began to realise there horrible truth.

Tears started to cloud his eyes and he barely registered what else was said after that. Mommy was his saving grace. Even though she brought more tension to the table that he felt, causing tears to fall silently from cheeks, here numbly said, "Yes, mommy," and started to trail down towards the cache. Only when out of earshot of both of them did he allow the tears to start flowing more freely.

Peregrine didn't know whether to feel relieved or horrified when his words clearly got through to Eljay, causing the Delta to visibly crumble. "Eljay..." he spoke softly, reaching out to touch him, only for Finley to suddenly appear with a loud bark. The Alpha jerked, eyes squinting slightly at her as she commanded her son to leave. He wasn't finished speaking to him yet. He needed his nephew to know he was there for him, that he thought he was a wonderful sitter and so many other things.

But Finley's tone brooked no argument and a tearful Eljay left before Peregrine could decide what to say. Slowly, he turned toward her, surprise and disapproval etched onto his face. Perhaps she didn't like the truth being forced down her firstborn's throat like that but Eljay needed to face the facts if he ever wanted to move on with his life. And it had become his business the moment Eljay's inability to accept Peter's death began bleeding over onto the Firebirds, confusing them about their brother's whereabouts.

It felt awkward to stare down Finley like this, yet Peregrine did just that, stonily silent. He waited to hear her out, whatever she had to say on the matter. Technically, he had accomplished his mission, even if it hurt him to cause Eljay pain like that and then be robbed of the opportunity to follow up the hurt with comfort. And he definitely didn't feel good about any of that. It was sort of like reliving the loss all over again, actually.

Fin regretted her dismissal of Eljay as soon as she saw the tears that flooded his eyes. Apparently he had not needed talked into believing the truth, only reminded. She had not anticipated that, and so her heart wrenched at the sight of his form retreating to stew alone in his heartbreak. It would have been right for her to cast her anger for it on herself as she was clearly at fault. It would have been better for her to not interrupt and simply wait to discuss her qualms with Peregrine later, after her son was taken care of.

But instead, Finley squared her anger in on her alpha, simply fueling the aggravation she felt already towards him. She met his stony gaze with one of her own, not flinching when she knew she ought as a subordinate. It would only piss him off, Fin knew. But she felt he deserved that, and she also felt rather slighted in general that he had clearly deemed her opinion so unneccessary that he would take it upon himself to deal with the issue. Something instinctual wanted to remind him that she was his beta, lower yes, but not as inconsequential as he'd just shown he thought her to be.

"You. Horse's. Ass." Fin growled in a hushed tone, lowering her eyes to settle on his chin after a moment once she felt her posturing had proven the point, "Why would you do that without coming to me and Elwood first? Don't you think you should've talked to his parents? Don't you think his parents should have been the ones to talk to him? Does our opinion not mean shit to you?? Cause at least when it comes to our kid, I'd think it should mean something."

She couldn't keep the anger out of her tone, try as she might. Her better sense tried to warn her that in this situation, he was Peregrine the alpha. But the more reckless part of her brain - the one she used most often - saw him as Peregrine, her dumb ass best friend that had just acted a dick (like, acted a fool only a dick).

Finley calling him names was nothing new. But never before had she used epithets in such a serious, venomous voice. Rather than rile him, the words stung. His ears flicked backward, only to sweep forward again as she hurled several accusations at him. Peregrine didn't know what to do with his Beta's anger. He had never had to deal with it before, not in the two or three years he had known her. It was awkward and made him want to cry, if he was being honest with himself.

He sucked in a breath, blinking hard against the tears that brewed behind his gaze. "Yes, you two should've talked to him," he agreed, pausing before continuing, "but you didn't. You weren't. It's been going on long enough, Fin. He was confusing the Firebirds." He licked his lips, feeling strangely shaky all of a sudden. "I'm not going to dignify the rest of what you said with a response," he finished dully, knowing it was just her anger that made her spout such untruths.

He had to turn away then, because the moisture in his eyes was threatening to spill over. He told himself it was a lot more about Peter and Eljay than Fin's nasty words. But it was really all of the above. Fin's pain was his pain. Eljay's pain was his pain. And as the dead boy's father, he had a lot of his own pain too. He hated this situation and cursed the bitch who'd done it to his family, not for the first nor last time. Peregrine also sniffled like a big baby, still trying to hide his face from his irate second-in-command.

this'll be my last post in here! but i'll definitely stalk the rest of this thread :)

Though Eljay had intended to bring the rabbit from the cache like mommy instructed and return later, he found his courage sinking further and further as he made his way along the path to the river. Tears fogged up his eyes as he felt utterly confused. One moment he thought he understood the truth, and the next he wondered if Uncle P had been lying to him (but why would he?) because Peter couldn't really be dead, could he? He was just a little boy and he'd never hurt anyone. Wars were fought in Eljay's heart between the truth and his defense mechanisms while he trailed down to the river and the cache. He unearthed the rabbit mommy asked him for and stared at it, feeling numb.

Everyone thought him crazy, he realised then, they had to, because he thought things were real that weren't and because he denied things that had happened. When he heard Uncle P's words in his head he knew that it was true, he remembered holding Peter's decapitated head close; but the next moment he remembered that that had just been a dream. But did it really matter what was real? How could he feel as though Peter was alive if he was dead? How could his mind play tricks on him when Peter's death felt like no more than a bad nightmare? How could such a terrible event have really happened?

"Oh, Peter, everyone thinks I've gone mad," he mumbled to his own blurry expression in the river's water, and his ears folded back as he fought the tears. "You're right, I'm sorry — I'm gonna try better and take good care of my baby siblings and yours." He smiled blearily as his eyes turned to the water and whispered, "It'll be our secret..." And he sat and stared for a good couple of hours, at times talking to the imaginary picture of Peter in his mind and at times just sitting there; he'd forgotten that he was supposed to return, for now, content to avoid social engagement that would likely only upset him again.

Fin failed to notice the emotion that fell upon her alpha, a matter we can blame on her still broiling hormones that were actually rather disappointed that he didn't snap and shout back at her. She seethed at his words and bit back after he finished, even as he was turning away. "I'm not saying you shouldn't have talked to him," she retorted. "I'm saying you shouldn't have.. shouldn't have talked to him first." She faltered mid-sentence, thrown by the fact that he was walking away from her. "The fuck..." she muttered in confusion before growing angry again, "Get back here!"

"What makes you think we're done?" Fin shouted as she set off after him. Anger bubbled in her throat that she bit back as she darted up alongside of him and moved to step in his way. It was only then, just before making yet another snarky foot-in-mouth comment that she finally spotted the misery upon the dark male's face.

In an instant, her anger evaporated into surprise. Was he crying? Fin was floored by this turn of events, and quickly grew uncomfortable. Anger she could deal with. She was not emotionally equipped to handle sorrow - She could barely even stand herself when she grew weepy, let alone Peregrine. Guilt burned in her stomach for having gone after him when he was apparently just as emotionally fragile as Eljay. And of course he would be. Trying to convince someone that his son was dead would obviously be an emotionally devastating thing to do.

Which was yet another reason why he should have talked to Fin and Elwood first.

But on to less selfish thoughts.

In spite of Fin's desire to back away slowly and return to her pups, she pressed herself into Peregrine's side and nuzzled his cheek softly. It was a far more intimately affectionate gesture than she'd ever made before to him in all the years they'd been close, but on some level it didn't feel as uncomfortable as her mind had always thought it would be. She licked his cheek just beneath his eye after a moment, then finally added in a gently chiding tone, "Nut up, buddy."

It was an impressively inappropriate thing to say, but not much else could have been expected of her. "I have an army of infants over there that'll beat the shit out of you for being such a puss," Fin commented, smiling slightly and watching his face intently. Humor was one of the only two things she had to offer in awkward, tense situations like these, and with any luck she'd get a laugh out of him instead of more sobs. Otherwise she'd have to fall back to the second option - kicking his ass, and that seemed even less appropriate.

His ears flattened as Finley continued chastising him, though he didn't look at her. He didn't want to be here anymore, about to cry like a bitch while his subordinate ranted at him. Without really thinking it through, he took a step, then another, only for the indignant Beta to immediately call him out on it. Peregrine froze, jaw working silently as he tried to figure out how to respond to her without losing his shit completely.

She suddenly darted in front of him and he turned away again, standing still but looking forcibly in another direction entirely. His lips parted but his throat only clicked emptily when he attempted to speak. Besides, what the hell was he going to say? He'd done what was necessary, what apparently neither of Eljay's parents could bring themselves to do, and now he was being shouted at for it. He was literally being yelled at for having to explain the finality of the death of his youngest and most innocent child.

When something soft brushed against him, he flinched. "Don't," he said softly, despite Finley's clear attempt to smooth the waters. He had already felt emasculated before her words, now he felt even worse. "Stop," he added when she made another, similar remark, wet eyes now looking sharply at her for the first time in several minutes. "I lost my baby boy and just had to break my nephew's heart. I don't—I can't—just—fuck—" With a sound somewhere between a moan and a groan, he hid his face from her again.

Peregrine rejected her words and fell even deeper into his misery. Finley frowned as he moved away from her again, thoughtfully considering what to do next. Consoling him seemed like the best option, but her methods of condolence didn't seem to be working all that great. The idea of trying to soothe him in a sincere fashion appealed to her on a basic level, but to actually act upon it left her feeling lost and confused. What would she say? What would she do? Honestly, the only other option she could think of was to fuck him into silence, and that was not about to be a thing.

"Peregrine," Fin said finally, abandoning the idea of trying to comfort him with sweetness and falling to the second of her options, "You have got to get out of your head. We're all hurting from what happened to Peter, but dwelling on it doesn't do shit for anyone and you have three other kids that need you to show them how to be strong." She breathe deeply, thinking then quite suddenly of her own first litter. It was different she knew, because she had never known the kids that she lost. But did that make it easier? Or did it make it worse?

"I've lost kids too, man. At least you got to know Peter and he got to know how much you loved him," she commented, softer, "Elwood and I never got the chance. Be thankful for what you had and if you need to fall apart, then do it, get it done, and then quit being a bitch."

He continued to look away from her, eyes burning, as Finley offered what he could only call tough love. He decided not to respond, to let her finish and finally walk away without a word, but he promptly failed at this when he gritted out, "Fin, that's what I was trying to do here." Peregrine let out a long breath, eyes pressing closed (a tear fell from each, which he ignored) as he tried to reign in a sudden burst of anger. "I want to guide them through this, teach them to cope and move on. Eljay was preventing that." He still didn't look at her, embarrassed by the wetness on his face, and instead spoke to a nearby tree.

"This isn't a pissing contest, Finley," he added in a flat voice. He'd lost kids too, from the loss of little "Derp" in his first week to Junior's savage death at his own teeth. "And how many times do I have to tell you to quit calling me that?" And with that, Peregrine was done, so done. Eyes leaking, nose sniffling, he finally made a move, darting away a lot like a butt-hurt little kid fleeing from the jerk bully on the playground.

Surely they could fix this, make amends, get past it, forget about it completely... but, for now, Peregrine unknowingly did the same thing as Eljay: ran away to cry and wallow.

Finley could only bristle at his words, at his dismissal of a confession she had never made to anyone before. Of course it was absurd to expect him to realize how significant it was for her, but she was ignorant of that as he spat his venom at her and then ran. She stood in his wake, feeling slighted, hurt, and reeling from his insensitivity to what she had confided in him.

"Then quit fucking acting like one!" Fin shouted venomously at his retreating form, feeling angry tears pricking the corners of her own eyes. It hurt to be at odds with such a dear friend. It hurt to feel as though what she had gone through didn't matter at all to him. It came to her then quite suddenly that he may never have even realized the danger she'd been in giving birth to her latest litter. Had he even known that she'd almost died? Did he even care? Or had it been like Fox dismissing the announcement of their first pregnancy and the miracle it had been because it "complicated things"?

Angry, Finley stormed back towards her den, only to pause at the mouth as her mind quite suddenly went to Eljay. She turned back to look between the trees for him, realizing that he should be back soon and even further, he should have been back already. Troubled, she frowned into the woods before slipping back to her complaining babes to tend to them - a welcome distraction from all that she now had on her mind.