Stone Circle i had been lost to you, sunlight

the morning is early, the world blanketed in a dull grey accompanied by it was by the light snowfall. it crunches beneath his weight as he walks, not making for very stealthy approach — not that he is trying to be stealthy. the tumultuous outrage of the earth, during which he has sequestered himself away refusing to see anyone but family, appears to have driven the large prey off. despite that the cresting sun is wholly hidden by the opaque cloudcover it still feels too bright.

a world too new, more harsh than the one of his innocent childhood. or maybe, it is his heart has grown colder with the disappearance of clay. wounded heart still beats strong within his chest; defiant. unyielding. the time had come and pass to stop hiding in isolation, how was that saving clay? how was that feeding his family? it wasn't.

newt emerges and moves thru stone circle; anew. pausing only in his search of rabbit tracks to add to their likely depleted caches to give his coat a shake to dispel the snow that layers there, before continuing on, nosing in bushes and abandoned warrens, tell-tale where the snow caves inward.

DIPS ON MY SONNNNNNN

Valette noticed her son moving through the stone circle from the tree line of their forest. The female noted how big he had become, still tall and lanky, big bigger too. They had that from their father. Valette had been seeing Newt around but talking about Clay's disappearance was hard. Plus there were so many other things the Matriarch worried about as well.

Valette decided that now was a good time as any to approach her son. She moved towards him with a quiet trot, it was the gamekeeper in her that always kept her light on her feet without a noise. Plus, she didn't have much weight left to make her sound heavy. Hunger gnawed at her, but the mother made sure her children were fed first, always. Even though they were close to Greyback's size now.

Valette smiled warmly as her son as she approached. "Hi Newt," she spoke and stepped closer to try and give him a motherly greeting with licks and kisses of course. Her normal bustling energy was low but it was clear she was happy to see him. Then she noticed the rabbit tracks in the snow. A good sign. Prey seemed to come back but Valette was mostly looking forward to the bison returning. "How are you, Newt?," she asked.

♥ !!!

he's nosing thru snow, dispelling it with his nose to investigate another warren — this one, he notes, smells relatively fresh of rabbit — when the footfalls of another can be heard. head bowed and imperial gaze focused intently he assumes it is a packmate stumbling across him, or perhaps one to see the elusive newt in the flesh after spending so long in self-induced isolation. the voice that greets him, however, has his head lifting quickly — small chunks of snow flying from the suddenness of the action.

he turns to face her and turns into her barrage of motherly licks and kisses of greeting. it warms him and rouses a swell of brief guilt. his isolation had been utterly selfish, as if he were the only one to suffer from clay's disappearance. how had he upset his mother, choosing to chain himself in exile to the heart of hearth and home? to ignore duties of pack and family? because he was suffering. because he was scared. ...weren't they all?

hey mama, newt greets her, bumping the crown of his head gently against the underside of her muzzle, in affection and unspoken apology for his choices over the past two months. her question, while sounding so simple is a weighty one. still hurting, still trying to cope, but he suspects he doesn't need to speak this aloud. his ears feather back to rest at half mast atop his skull as his gaze flits from his mother down to the fresh rabbit tracks in the snow leading away from the warren he'd just disrupted. i'm ...trying. he eventually responds ambiguously, gaze lifting back to his mother's face. how're you? he asks in return, eager to shift the conversation from him.

Valette smiled at her son softly, knowing that guilty look. But she returned him a glance to tell him that it was okay. If he needed time apart to cope with his feelings then she would allow him to have that time. "Never be afraid to show your feelings, Newt. Your family is here for you if you need it," she offered to him with a soft smile. A warm motherly smile, really. She hoped that her other two sons wouldn't hide their feelings like Clay had been doing, which was probably the result of his outburst.

Valette noticed the warren and it activity shown in tracks in the snow. "A good thing. I always believe that hunting is learned the quickest when hungry," she admitted. She had been on her own and traveling while trying to perfect the skill. Eventually she managed better and better and started to focus on bigger game. "I will be honest with you. Not in my best shape and I was worried for a long time if we had to move with the whole pack but these rabbits give me hope," she explained to him.

Valette wasn't looking so sharp. Her body condition had not been optimal ever since she had to produce milk for four big healthy pups. Then soon after the tremors started and she couldn't fatten up for winter. Her winter coat was not as thick or shiny as the years before, nor did the female have a lot of flesh on her bones. Still, she would feed her children before her, since for that she was their mother. She didn't want them to go hungry. "Coping, but yesterday I saw some deer tracks so that is hopeful news we could all use a good meal."

ears pivot to the side of his head as he contemplates her words of wisdom imparted to him. still, remorse floods through him again all the same. isolation had been how he'd chosen to cope but he cannot claim he does not see the selfishness in that choice. he wasn't the only one missing clay and he wasn't the only one made afraid by the tremors that rumbled the earth under foot; and of course, of course she was not begrudging him it. his mother was an angel given corporeal form, newt believes.

their conversation moves to the topic of prey and imperial gaze goes to the rabbit tracks his large pawprint crosses, made when he'd been searching it. intersection aside, he could see the rabbit trial leading away into nearby underbrush. moving the pack. stone circle is the only home he's ever known and the thought of leaving it — even temporarily — causes a truculent ache in his chest ...but home was not the place. it was the hearth ...the center of the pack was its wolves and that was where his heart truly lay. stone circle is just a place, mama. the pack is where the heart is. if it comes to relocating ...we will make a new place home, just as we've made stone circle. he gives voice to his inner contemplations, trying to be both supportive and encouraging.

for all they knew, however, relocating might not even be necessary.

a frown tugs at newt's lips as he looks at her — truly looks at her — imperial gaze taking in her gaunt form. she's already admitted to not being in the best shape but he sees it now, how she's sacrificed for the pack and for them. you need to take care of yourself, mama. newt's frown deepens and concern furrows his brow; he doesn't mean to be so blunt about it, nor sound like he was giving his mother orders but ...he's already lost clay. he does not want to watch her waste away and leave him too.

Valette turned to her son with a semi shocked expression, alright that was a lie, since it was clear she was a bit shocked. She didn't agree with Newt on that. She soon replaced her shock with a deviant shake off her head, although, there had been some truth in his words. "The Stone Circle is very special, Newt," she spoke slightly serious. "I do understand where you are coming from and if there was no other option I would have to leave the circle behind but it would be very hard for me," she spoke.

"My mother is buried there, and the founder of Easthollow, Steady. And very dear family members that passed away," she spoke, perhaps having explained this for the hundred time. Not sure if they ever listened to her stories or if he even remembers. Most of it was probably too complex when she tried to explain it to them as pups. "But for the sake of the living you are right. I am just glad that we didn't have to leave." Valette had her daily visits to the circle not only to give the stones a rub or a thoughtful look but also because it was a vantage point over the fields were the bison roamed.

She was pulled from her thought when Newt spoke that she had to take care of herself. "I am," she assured him, brushing it off a bit. "Being the Matriarch of this family is selfless work, and in the most dire situations I cannot put myself before someone who needs things more than I do. You and your siblings need to grow and need food to develop in healthy adult wolves. It is far more important than I," she spoke to him on a loving tone. If they would have to live with fragile limbs or any other physical defect because of lack of food for the rest of her life then she wouldn't forgive herself. "I will be fine, Newt. Don't worry about me," she assured.

valette's words are not sniping and yet he feels the sting of her stern and chiding voice all the same as she reminds him that stone circle is important. irreplaceable. newt's ears flutter back to rest atop the curve of his crown in nonverbal acknowledgment that he has overstepped. worst yet is the swell of guilt that he feels at the thought of but they are dead —; it sounds so callous even just as a fluttering thought. he doesn't dare give voice to that, lest he truly invoke his mother's ire upon him. stone circle was special to their family, in this he wouldn't disagree with her but cannot help but think with head and not the heart, that the living ...the pack should come first.

instead, newt offers her an apologetic lick under her chin, as a son and subordinate. newt, in his concern for his mother's health, cannot help the rumble of disagreement ( and disapproval? ) that begins in his chest and winds its way up his throat. she was wasting away so her kids — sons, at least for he isn't sure how big leta has or would grow — could become colossal like their father? i get that, mama, but what do you expect easthollow to do if you waste away? he supposes someone could replace her ( as hard as such a thing was to think about ) but that wasn't the point he was trying to make.

asking me not to worry about you is like asking you not to worry about me. he replies with a soft smile. just let me worry about you a little bit, mama. because it was impossible for him not to care.

Valette noticed that Newt looked sorry and she accepted his apologetic lick by using it as an excuse to give him some more affectionate licks back. She hummed softly, letting him know that he had done nothing wrong and she wasn't mad at him. But the stones had been important to her and gave her strength to carry on. The mother was more than proud at her son.

Valette glanced away when Newt confronted her with the fact that she was waisting away. "It is not that bad, Newt," she assured him, though she was rather thin and she had less energy. She had faith that prey would return in the coming days. She sighed loudly and then relented. 'Alright, fair point. How about you show me some of your tracking or even hunting skills if you want to take care of me instead of worrying for me," she spoke with a challenging smile on her lips. She didn't expect him to succeed, hunting was hard but she always loved teaching her children to hunt.

dice roll for hunting success.

after showering him with more affectionate kisses, his mother is quick to assure him that it is not that bad; and despite her reassurances newt isn't entirely convinced. while he's been in self-induced isolation the situation in easthollow has gotten worse as famine struck after the quakes and even now, months later, they are still within the famine's unrelenting and merciless grasp. it digs in like teeth of a massive predator refusing to let go of it's prey. instead of feeding his own selfishness, he thinks bitterly, he should've been trying to help in any way that he could.

newt's ears cup forth at her challenge and a determined glint sparks to life in imperial gaze. it speaks to his tenacious nature as a provider and though concern for her still lingers beneath his breast his visage perks. alright, newt agrees readily. though the warren itself is a temporary dead end ( not that he was going to get a rabbit from within the shelter of its home ) but the tracks leading away — though slightly messed by his massive paw-print cutting thru them — he can see the continuation of them nearby.

it leads him through underbrush and pointed holly which tangles in the long tendrils of his fur but eventually he finds the lone rabbit, munching on emerald green leaves of some winterbush. too large and too thick to be considered stealthy or fast, newt must weigh to his strengths. surprise appears to be on his side, though he watches as he sinks low, belly to the snow, as the rabbit's nose twitches and ears pivot slightly. it returns to its peaceful grazing and when each muscle in his body is pulled taunt newt springs.

he uses his size and weight to his advantage, weighing the rabbit down and makes quick work of it, not wanting it to suffer. he lopes back the short distance to where he's left valette, the corpse of the rabbit stiffening betwixt his jaws but still warm he wordlessly sets it down in the snow proudly and noses it towards her.

Valette watched as the young male took off. She was hopeful that the lessons she had given them, mostly on small game, paid off for Newt. She hoped that once the bison returned to them she could teach them how to take down bison as that was their preferred prey. They were difficult and needed a very different tactic compared to deer. Valette had constructed this tactic. She had not heard about any other pack that hunted bison.

She focussed her attention on Newt and watched his form. He was always the scholar and one to pay attention to his lessons. Valette smiled at the memories. He was so big now but he seemed to have grown well into his body. Before he would stumble over his big paws, now he had become a silent killer. Valette went to lie down so she could watch him and rest. He stayed on the right side of the wind and there, the pounce. Once Newt caught the rabbit Valette's tail thumped again the ground with pride.

She pushed herself in a sitting position. "Very good, Newt!," she beamed. Her mouth started to water at the scent of fresh blood. Newt offered the animal to her. "Newt! You should eat the first bites at you hunted it. I insist," she spoke to her son. "Share it?"

the praise from his mother causes a swell of pride to blossom beneath his breast as he presents her with his successful catch. catching small game was, not necessarily easy per se but definitely not as challenging as it once had been. after all, he'd been honing his hunting skills while during his self given isolation ...it wasn't like there'd been anything else to do aside from reflect and mope and pray at the altar of the stones as if asking the dead for clay's return would actually see it true.

perhaps she does not mean her words to be chiding and yet that is how newt interprets them all the same; and yet the argument of i didn't catch it for me rises in his throat he bites lightly upon his tongue to keep it at bay. even now, when he provides for her she is selflessly putting him first. he doesn't tell her that the rabbit as a whole is what he considers a 'bite' but he takes a small chunk out of its flank all the same; for little reason other than to appease her.

take the rest mama, please, he nudges it further towards her. let me take a leaf from your book and be selfless.

Valette looked at her son when he did take a bite. She was pleased that he took some of the food he hunted, after all he worked hard for it. However, then the male only took one small bite before giving it to her. For a moment she wanted to protest but then she realized how hungry she was. She eagerly tore into the rabbit. It was his words that actually convinced her. She tore pieces from the animal fur and all. The female was clearly hungry. As she took a bite her real hunger unleashed.

She finished the rabbit in a flash, licking her chops clean. "Thank you, Newt. You are such a good son," she smiled at him proudly. She was really proud of him and how he handled this famine. The mother was glad to have some food in her belly. She would definitely tell @Greyback later about Newt's successful hunt.

tag for visibility

it is obvious to newt from the way his mother wolfs ( no pun intended ) down the food that she is more hungry than she has tried to let on to him; and it felt good to be able to provide for her as she has provided him and for all others. her praise is high and he dips his head; humbled. i try to be. he murmurs humbly, averting his eyes. he can't say he actually agrees with her ...at least not entirely. would a good son sequester himself away for months in a ...tantrum? in a coping mechanism that he couldn't claim to be entirely healthy. he doesn't know and is more than ready to put that time behind him. regardless of how guilty he feels for it he can't pretend it hasn't done wonders for clearing his mind and helping to guide him to the path he now walks.

i'll keep practicing, newt murmurs gesturing to what little is left of her meal. might take to tracking in just the neighboring territories ...if that's alright with you? because besides being his mother she is his matriarch and he doesn't want to do anything that she might disapprove of. its been a long while since he's been out of easthollow's claim, after all. the quakes have settled but has the state of the wilds? he cannot help but wonder.

Valette smiled at him. He didn't have to try he was already a good son. He had always been so bright and eager to learn. It made er sad to think about Clay and how he was the opposite. He had been so reluctant at everything. Valette smiled at him. "Of course it is," she spoke with a smile. He asked the right parent though. She had such a hard time with Greyback for him to agree that Leta could roam the neighboring territory. Mostly Arlette had been with her but Leta had been wanting to go alone. She was pretty sure Greyback followed her out of the territory. Valette had been more relaxed after raising several litters of pups.

"However, if you see a female, the size of a coyote, white of body and fully black face... I want you to run home. Don't talk to her, just run straight home," she spoke on a serious tone. Perhaps Newt knew that it was Leta's attacker, perhaps he didn't. Valette decided that it might be better if he didn't know and he would grow noble and want to avenge his sister's attack.

she doesn't appear outwardly opposed to the idea of him tracking in neighboring territories — and as his question entails he would not stray further until either her or greyback give him direct permission to do so. newt's tail wags as she gives her permission for him to track in directly neighboring territories; jovial. it's a bit of freedom he's been granted ( for purpose of course! ) and he takes it with humbled pride. thanks mama. he murmurs softly, giving a kiss beneath her chin.

jovial mood darkens and dampens some as she warns him of a woman: coyote sized woman with a black head and white body. he is given strict instructions to run home if he comes across her; to not even speak. who is this woman? what did she do? newt asks her, curiosity piqued. he would do as valette wishes of him, of course; but if he was going to turn tail and run from someone he couldn't help but think that he deserved at least a vague reason for avoiding her entirely.

Valette looked at her son with a serious question. "Remember Leta couldn't play with you when you were younger?," she asked. She paused for a moment. "That is because the female I just described attacked your sister and almost killed her," Valette spoke to Newt. He was old enough now to know. "But I don't think that you sister knows it happened. So don't remind her of it happening," she added to him. Valette offered him a soft smile then. "She hasn't been seen for awhile so you shouldn't need to worry but I thought you should know."

since this is so old i'm going to go ahead & wrap it up with my post. i hope that's ok!

yeah, vaguely, he mentally adds. there was so much trauma that had happened to their family during those vital mile-markers of newt's life that all the awful incidents have begun to blur together; but he remembers leta being injured. here and now, old enough to understand, the truth comes to light: the stranger his mother describes to him had been the source of leta's injuries and near-death.

something ugly and cold settles into the marrow of newt's bones. like a plague left to fester; seething. a low grumble rumbles in his throat. i won't. he promises as valette suggests that he doesn't remind leta of it because, as far as their mother knew his sister has forgotten. a small part of newt wonders if that is just their mother being hopeful. was it possible to forget something so tragic happening? newt doesn't know but nevertheless won't be the one to bring it up.

i'll keep an eye out. newt promises and adds quickly in case his words were misunderstood: and return home if i see her. he offers his mother a last affectionate bump of the crown of his skull to her chin i'm gonna go hunt some more. see you later, mama. he says in farewell before heading away from the hollow's heartland.