Stone Circle the ones who were left behind

Leta heard the howl from @Newt declaring he was leaving. Though she could never hate him, she felt a pang in her heart; she blamed herself. Leta felt guilty for all of her days of isolating, and wondered if she had pushed Newt away. The young girl had no idea that the fault lay in his questioning of Easthollow and its ways, and so she placed the blame on herself. 

First Clay, then Newt; Leta's heart raced as she thought of @West Tyree leaving too. And so she spun on her heel to find him, moving at breakneck speed to make sure he too had not left. She realized she did not tell any of her brothers she loved them, not enough—and she realized she did not spend nearly as much time with them as she should have. Leta only had herself to blame, but could not even think on why—

Blackouts, several of them, and depression thanks to her forgotten trauma that had not happened since her isolation, fortunately—

She could only think of what she could do to change it. What she would do.

Like the others, West had heard the call. He could tell from the tone what Newt was saying. He had come to him after his long isolation saying he was going to do better, that he was going to be a part of their family again, yet now here he was...leaving. Was it something he did? Had someone else in Easthollow forced him to leave?

The woodland boy raced to the boarders, desperate to catch his brother in time for answers, but by the time he reached the edge of the territory, the scholar he knew and loved was long gone. West panted, his ears pinned back as his eyes searched past the packs borders. First Clay now Newt... West let his rear fall with a small thump to the forest floor as he tipped his head back to howl. It would be a desperate attempt that would fall on deaf ears, but it's all he could do to ask that Newt come home.

She stopped when she heard the sound of West, panting; she heard his howl for Newt, his request for his return. Leta too joined in, her cry a don't leave!!! although he had already gone. Why must he quit them to do what he did? She had herself to blame she felt, and feeling quite defeated, Leta wilted where she stood. 

And moved along to find West. His call had come from the borders, and so she made her way there with flattened ears and an apologetic look to her. He would not be happy with her, once he knew it was her fault—perhaps he would leave, too. She saw him there, waiting; her tail was limp behind her as she murmured a quiet, mournful: West????

sorry for the way college stuff!

The usually sunny boy sat alone, his ears pinned back to his skull until the sound of approaching footsteps cut through the silence. Leta. In an attempt to recover some of his appearance, West stood to shake his pelt. It was more so of a distraction while he put on a sad smile. Hey, Leta...

He couldn't show his weakness, not now. He was the oldest, he was supposed to protect his siblings, but how could he do that when he didn't even know where they were? He had Leta, she was still here. That meant he couldn't give up, not yet. If his sister did not close the gap, he would to embrace the girl, his head tucked to her shoulder.

Leta did close the gap, one who showed her affection through physical displays like this. She sniffled a little, not thinking at all of being strong then and there. Her mental constitution in matters such as these was far from it when she blamed herself. I think that, she began, withdrawing a little and looking sheepishly to her paws, I think that I may have pushed Newt away. Maybe Clay, too, her expression was one that had drawn into guilt. After... after... she could not say it, and so she sucked in a breath. Leta knew that something bad had happened to her, but even still she could not recollect the entirety of it. Her mind had created a barrier. 

Well... uhm... I just... I can't explain why, but, I couldn't... being around anyone was hard. Being was hard. I wanted to want feel happy and I wanted to want to be with everyone, but... I didn't want anything. I... how to explain? She did not think she could say more about it; it was too difficult to articulate what her mind in those days had become. Quicksand. The more effort she put in getting out of it, the more miserable and withdrawn she had felt. It happened at random; some moments, she felt herself again. Others... she did not know what that even meant. 

But she had to do something about it. She had to try. Or she might lose West, too. I love you all. I never really say that even though I feel it with every bit of me. And I didn't get to tell them. I just... I just... she couldn't bear to be around them. Valette, who catered to none, seemed to understand that and was a protective barrier around her daughter. So long as she could sleep then, she was alright; Valette and Greyback nearby always helped her feel able to rest. For a long time, she had experienced the sort of terror that disallowed her to do so without them there. Exasperated, she looked to West, her open-book features clearly displaying the thought within her mind: it's my fault.

grossly late but classes over for now!

West fell quiet as his sister talked. At first, he had no idea what she was talking about, how would she have driven them away? If anything, she was the one that brought them together... but the pieces started to click just what Leta was trying to imply. You didn't push them away. I did. He wanted to say those words so badly but for once he bit his tongue.

No one blames you for that Leta. It was weird when you slept alot and whatever, but that didn't push them away. Clay's always been moody and Newt...I don't know. He isolated himself after Clay. Maybe he too did not enjoy his company. West had always been brash and a bit too self-centered, though he rarely admitted it. The Eldest knew in his gut that he drove Clay away. Newt mentioned once that he wished he was like himself, but then he disappeared too.

We all love you too, you should know that. He was never really one to run around expressing his love, but he meant it. If he knew what would make her feel better he'd say it, but he wasn't sure what to say now.

His response was relieving to hear, though it didn't entirely remove that feeling. It couldn't be helped; the feeling had taken root, and she had watered it regularly with her self-deprecating thoughts. It would take more than that to rip the weeds that had found their way into her mind. West did try though. And the more he went on, the more he tugged at the things inside that needed removing. 

...maybe... maybe he went to look for Clay, she thought aloud, squinting. There had been some of that done immediately after the event, but Leta had thought he would just... come back. She had been young and naive. He had never come back, after all. Do you think that they'll ever come back? she asked then. Even though Clay had yet to, she still hoped that someway, somehow, he would find his way back. Maybe with Newt. Maybe that was what would do it. Newt still leaving was fresh, but because Clay had not ever come back she imagined it would take a while for him to. 

She smiled softly at his words, nostrils flaring as she felt sheepish to hear it returned. It was not something she did not know of course, but it was nice to hear it aloud. 'course I know, but... the way I acted, I wasn't sure if... if you guys thought any differently. Not you for me, but me for you... I didn't mean to be weird, and her tone was not defensive at all; she felt guilt for it, genuine guilt, though things had yet to really change for her. She wanted them to. 

And so maybe she needed to change a little, too. Be a little braver. 

I wanna look for Newt. Not leave Easthollow but maybe go on a quick trip to see if he went to our sister or something. Or maybe Moonspear, where Nikai lives. And maybe along the way... maybe Clay too, her tail waved a little bit. Do you think that's a good idea??? I can get auntie Nanook to come, and uncle Siarut, two supervisors who would ensure she got home safely.

The woodland boy had no doubt in his mind that their brothers would come back. They had to eventually, and Leta might be right? Maybe Newt did go out to look for Clay, they were older now and could travel further, but it was kinda dumb for him to go alone. That seemed more like him than their scholarly brother. Why Leta was so insistent on blaming herself, he wasn't sure. West lifted a paw and pressed down at the top of his sister's head rubbing to dishevel her fur. You gotta stop blaming yourself. We love you Leta, no matter what happened out of your control when we were kids.

When she suggested looking for Newt, West was right on board ready to go now, but his sister had a point. Guardians would be smart and if they both left...he was sure they'd get an earful from their mother and he hated being lectured. Not to mention if they all left, what if one of their brothers came home? Guess that makes him the one to man the fort... I think it's a great idea, Leta. I'd talk to Mom though before she has another heart attack.