Sunbeam Lair but i feel so small

An ear turned back when she heard someone's approach. Laurel looked back and she was glad to see that it was just Indra. She would've sent Marten away and might've aggressively warded off anyone else, but Indra, she could handle. Oh, how different things had been a year ago, when they had just returned to these wilds. Not that life outside them had been much better, but now... Struck by what Marten had said to her, Laurel wondered if truly her beautiful children had chosen to leave her. The thought struck a chord in her heart, but she didn't know how to deal with it other than to turn away from them. Perhaps it would be easiest to simply stick to Indra again. Bring her and Marten somewhere else, start anew..

This is a fool's search, said Laurel as Indra joined her, her gaze still on the stars because she could not bear to face her sister. She'd made her sister leave her children behind only to admit a week or so later that they were unlikely going to ever find Lucas and Piper (oh, and Wyatt). I don't even know where to look. She was just doing something, anything, because that was the only thing that was keeping her sane: the lie that she told herself that she would find them, if only she tried hard enough.

But what if she found them and they didn't want her in their lives anymore? What if Marten was right and they didn't need her anymore? That thought was somehow even more painful than not finding them and simply pretending that they loved her and were either dead or unhappily trying to find their way back to their mama...