Redhawk Caldera mommy's boy

After being offered an assortment of bugs (which Eljay'd not liked, but had pulled through) by his baby siblings he had decided to stay where he was at the rendezvous site and sleep a little so he could regain some energy. Later when daddy would return he would ask for some food, and maybe have a good talk with daddy... He wasn't looking forward to it, but how else could he ask for food and help to get better? Thinking about it made Eljay feel panicked, so he decided to rest first and hopefully he would feel a bit better afterwards. With a soft sigh he closed his eyes and waited to drift to sleep.

@Finley !

Much went through Finley's mind as @Elwood walked her back through the territory towards the rendezvous site. When they arrived, Finley reached to nuzzle her mate affectionately before sending him off to find the twins for her. As much as she wanted to see her puppies, Eljay was first and foremost on her mind now. She had always known that her absence would be the hardest on her eldest, and so she had known it was to him she owed the greatest apology for leaving the way that she had. Leaving him to deal with all of this... misery.. on his own.

Finley felt oddly disoriented as she stepped towards Eljay's resting place. Her heart leapt into her throat the moment she'd caught his scent, and it throbbed now that she actually had her eyes upon him. He seemed to be sleeping, and so Finley stepped with light paws to his side. For a moment, all she could do was look at him,  her mind reeling back to the little pup he'd been once upon a time. Her son had not aged at all in many ways, but physically he was as tall as his father, though with a pallor that was all his own.

The guilt in her stomach made her feel ill, but she ignored it. Gently, Finley reached for him and nuzzled his cheek softly.

With a start, Eljay awoke at the touch to his cheek. He looked around, startled at first, when he looked up to see a familiar face. He opened his mouth, thinking it was daddy at first, but then he realised that it wasn't. He blinked difficultly, frowning as he looked up with a questioning look in his eyes. Could it really be..?

Eljay was quick to awaken, but not so quick to believe his eyes. Finley had expected this, and so she simply gazed at her son with a smile and gently wagging tail. There was such childish innocence on his face that it was hard to think of him as an adult, but he had grown into a wolf as handsome as his father. His eyes were so green and so round and thoughtful. Her little Jay. 

"Im home," Fin said finally, a quiet whine in her voice that whispered of the anxiety and guilt that was in her heart. She didn't reach for him again, content to wait for him to accept what he was seeing - that she was home, safe and sound.

"... M-mommy?" he murmured, eyes widening in surprise. Eljay swallowed difficultly as he looked at his mother's face and blinked, feeling strange. A lot of possible options passed his mind, but the only really logical one was still that she had come back. She looked as tired as he felt, he realised, and he knew that he could not have died because Uncle P and Peter weren't here and his mouth still tasted like gross bugs.

He just stared at her for the longest of time, almost like he was broken, not even sure how he should respond (or perhaps simply not finding the energy to show how happy he was).

Were she not a wolf and it wasn't totally unrealistic for her to cry, Finley would then have felt tears brimming her eyes as her eldest son whispered for her. There was disbelief in his tone, but she knew he was coming around. He would be alright. They both would.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here," she said quietly after a few seconds of silence had passed. Once the shock had passed from being told of Peregrine's death, it had been Eljay she'd thought of first. She knew how much his Uncle P had meant to him. She knew how much more deeply her son felt things than anyone else. And she knew how terrible it was of her that she hadn't been there for him.

Eljay willed for the distance to be closed between them, but he somehow was frozen in place and could not move. Her apology fell mostly to deaf ears, for he barely listened to anything but the sweet, soft tone in her voice. He wanted only to lay by her side for the rest of the day, maybe week, to drown in her embrace -- mommy's embrace, for no hug was like a mother's.

He closed the distance between them, crawling across the ground from where he'd lain, and pressed his head against mommy.That was when emotion overpowered him, and Eljay broke into a mess of sobs while he stammered; "I... I was so lost, mommy..." But she was here, she was really here, and so everything was fine again.

Fin was ready for the hug when Eljay broke and came to her. In a moment, she was curled around him - a bit of a struggle considering he was actually larger than her now though she made it work. She pressed her muzzle gently into his fur, taking a deep breath. In that moment, she knew that all was forgiven. Her son, emotional as he was, did not seem capable of holding a grudge. So long as his world came back into balance, he was accepting, even if that balance was never quite what one would hope for.

"I know," she said softly at his comment, "But I'm here now." There were many things she wanted to say to him, to ask him. She knew that there too were likely things he wanted to ask of her - Lucy likely first and foremost. For now, she was content to just embrace him until he calmed down.

Eljay wasn't able to say all of the things he wanted to say, or ask about Lucy, or ask about what had happened out there. He wanted to hear, he wanted to know, but he just could not do anything but throw himself into mommy's arms and stay there — he loved her so much and he was so very happy to be back in her arms. Eljay just sobbed until he stilled and a calm smile fell over him while he nestled himself into mommy's chest (a bit difficultly, considering he wasn't a little pup anymore) and he closed his eyes, hoping that she would tell him about her travels but yet unable to say anything himself, for now.

It took a while, but eventually her son's sobs subsided into a quiet calm. Finley felt relieved when he settled down at least for him being on edge always put her on edge a bit as well. She didn't like her kids being unhappy and had never accepted that Eljay seemed to just be a chronically unhappy individual. She allowed it in a way that she could not fault him for it, but always, always did she yearn to find a way that he might grow beyond his insecurities and feel true happiness. She thought she'd done it by bringing him the twins and Lucy, but then she'd lost the latter, and now it seemed more unlikely than ever that her eldest son would find his way out of the gloom.

But still, and always, Finley would try.

"Thank you for taking care of your brother and sister while I was gone," Fin said after a few minutes of just calm cuddles, "Dad says they're doing good. I know I have you to thank for that." By the looks of it, she could tell that her son had suffered in her absence. Likely he would deny that he had done anything for them at all, but Fin knew better. When it came to their big brother, the twins were happy just to see him. All he needed to do was be there and they would be happy. It made her insides twist in guilt that she had not done the same.

Eljay didn't feel like he had been doing very good, but he had seen that he wasn't doing things right and he wanted to change it. It seemed ironic to see mommy returned to him so shortly after making the decision to live, for them, so shortly after his epiphany. Perhaps it meant something, or perhaps it was just a coincidence.

"I missed you," he murmured as he buried his face into his mommy's fur, just happy that she was here.

fade? :D

Sure thing!

Eljay didn't contest the point, for which Finley was grateful. She would never stop working to convince him of his worthiness, but it was nice to not have to once in a while, even if it was because he was too emotionally exhausted to put up a fight. She smiled gently as he told her he'd missed her and smooshed himself against her again. It was a selfish smile, for it was love that she knew that she didn't quite deserve. Yes, she'd given everything to him that she could. But she'd also made such horrible, unforgiveable mistakes - some he didn't even know she'd made. If anyone wasn't worthy of their praise, it was Finley. But ot admit that would be to shatter the joy her son found in his love for her, so she kept it quiet even though she hardly needed any introspection to convince her to do so.

"I missed you too, Jay," Fin murmured as she laid her head across his back and closed her eyes with a sigh. She still needed to see her other two - Lagan and Liffey. They were off somewhere, completely unaware that she had come home. But somehow, she knew that they would be okay for the moment while she spent some much needed time with her little boy.