Stone Circle I'm tired of being a hero. I want to relax and have some fun.

Stark had spent his time still as he'd always done - marking borders, checking caches, hunting Banner down to harass every so often. It was good however to have the time to really relax and get comfortable and while he hadn't met too many members of the pack he was relatively okay with it. He'd heard something about some being out traveling, and then there was still the whole deal of whoever had fathered Val's kids. He hadn't met him yet, but, Stark had heard some off handed things about the male. 

Stark stretched, shaking his coat out before he headed towards Valette's den. He was hoping he might catch her without any of the kids lurking around - not by any means that he disliked children, quite the opposite, but, he'd felt there was still a lot more unsaid that didn't seem appropriate to speak about in front of Steph. If @Valette was around and free then maybe he'd manage to discuss other things with her, otherwise, maybe they could go hunt or do something. He just felt like stretching his legs a bit and maybe he could even get her to goof off for a bit too. 

Valette was tidying her den because with three pups things would get rather messy. Luckily she didn't have to clean out the den too often anymore as the children now knew where Valette preferred that they do their business. The mother picked out the bad spots in the bedding and tossed them out. She had already gathered new bedding, though it was still slightly frozen. She knew it would thaw soon enough once it was underground.

Valette then heard someone approach. She got out of her den. Some moss hanging from her ear and some plucks of not her own fur color hanging from her. Valette's eye fell on Stark, they widened briefly. "Stark!," she let out in surprise and quickly shook out her coat. The pieces of soft material falling off her. She looked a bit flustered but smiled at him nevertheless. "What brings you here?"

 

Stark didn't have to wait too long before the wolf he'd specifically been after materialized out of thin air. Stark smiled gently as he watched her shake her coat free of any debris, the sight only endearing to him. "Hey Val," While he hadn't asked her about if he could be that familiar with her to use a nickname she also didn't seem like the type that might completely eat his face over it. So he just let it ride. She could correct him if need be. "Actually, was comin' by to see you." Stark admitted with a little hum. "It didn't seem appropriate to do all my blathering right in front of Steph....but if you had any other questions about what happened at the Keep I'll be honest with you." He admitted. "You wanna take a walk or maybe hunt something down? If you're done here that is." He tacked the last bit on quickly because he didn't want to take her away from her work which seemed to be family oriented. 

Stark remembered those days, although, he hadn't had to tend the den much since Tavi had been fairly coherent then. Stark had questioned a lot of things after the fact, trying to figure out just where it all went to hell - and he didn't know the exact moment. Things were fine, then they weren't - and if he had to pick one moment beyond them all he wasn't sure he could do it. Instead, Stark wanted to focus on the better things. Things he'd learned from. Now, his life would be different. Things would be better for him. He'd make sure of it. 

Valette was surprised to hear that Stark came to her. It made her heart flutter a bit. She wasn't sure why it was doing that but she went with it. She could understand that he didn't feel like he could be fully honest about what happened with a child listening in. It was very admirable of him and it made Valette warm up to him even more. When he suggested that they could take a walk or hunt together Valette instantly wanted to ditch this chore. What a bad mother she made.

"I'd like that!," she spoke perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. She shook her coat once more before indicating that she was ready to walk. "I don't think it was cowardly for you two to leave or to be selfish," she spoke. "Because with the loss of Steady I realized that after enduring that loss I have been selfish as well. It is the reason why I am the mother of three wonderful pups. The worst thing is, I don't regret being selfish. I used someone to get them, and I don't feel sorry," she admitted to him. She felt a bit of a flush because she was never really a wolf that would act to her benefit only.

She hoped that Stark wouldn't think badly of her. Valette thought that she could admit this to him as he endured loss himself, as he said before that he had been selfish. He would understand, right? She cleared her throat. "I think we have to be selfish in such moments to be able to heal," she spoke then, perhaps some form of damage control. But she couldn't help to admit it to someone. She didn't feel guilty for using Ezekiel and what he gave her was what she had needed to feel better.

 


The only thing that Stark probably truly regretted was leaving Tambourine and Silas behind. He didn't regret leaving. He didn't feel bad about walking off from the Keep and letting it crumble into nothingness. He hadn't felt like he'd really and truly had the loyalty of the wolves that stayed there and so what had he owed them? Aside from everything as their Alpha, that was. He offered her a smile when she was all set to go walking, falling into an easy pace. "I didn't take Tambourine with us. I just....I don't even know. I felt like it wasn't right to do, and if I'm honest, that's all I really regret about it. He deserved better and I haven't seen him since coming back and I hope he's alright." Stark admitted after a quiet moment. That sounded atrocious and it made him a monster in his own rights. 

"It's different, and you having your kids is nothing wrong at all. No matter how they came about. It's your right and as long as you were comfortable, I understand why you did it." He couldn't fathom how heats felt but he'd been around enough females going through it to imagine that sort of demand - after all, it was enough to make a man go insane so how about that being all you felt with no escape? "I don't feel healed." Stark said, looking over at her with a slight quirk to his lips. It didn't seem that way when he thought about it. He still had nightmares from time to time - he still had that lingering guilt that somehow he hadn't done enough. Not for Octavia, not for Tambourine, not for the Keep. Not for Banner, either, since her mate had just vanished on them and that seemed the biggest insult. How did someone leave her? 

"I know Banner doesn't like to talk about him - or even think about him - but her mate left out of the blue and I just wanted to take that pain away from her somehow. I know it doesn't make it any better though. I keep thinking that maybe things will change and I'll stop obsessing but then it's sort of who I am at this point." At that he let out a low chuckle, letting his shoulder brush hers as they walked in a friendly bump. "Sorry to say - your selfish was a good one. Mine, I was just being an ass." Not in the same category at all, if Stark had anything to say about it. 

Valette could tell that Stark did regret leaving some wolves behind. She wanted to help him with it. She wanted him to feel better. But she wasn't sure how she could do that. It was up to him to accept what he did before he wouldn't feel guilty anymore. "Well, perhaps we can go look for him," she offered to him in return. Maybe seeing him again would help to close that wound, or it could also make it worse, she realized.

Valette wanted to go against him. Because on the one side she did think it wasn't very nice of her to use Ezekiel like that. He hadn't been a stranger but an ex-lover that still had a crush on her. "Do you still think it isn't bad that the one I used was someone who had a crush on me and I never returned it, not even after he did that deed?," she asked, perhaps a bit softly. She didn't feel guilty but perhaps she did feel a bit sorry. She didn't want to use others like that. But then again, the results of that deed had been wonderful for her. She didn't regret becoming a mother.

Valette gave him a nudge with her nose under his chin. Perhaps a bit more intimate than she intended but she wanted to cheer him up. He didn't feel better yet, there wasn't much she could do about that except to listen to his story. She just wanted to tell him to feel better, to comfort him. She really liked for Stark not to feel any pain. Things really changed in that year he had been away. She felt like he never opened up this much to her. She admired him for doing so. Valette dipped her head a bit as he started to explain about Banner and her mate that left her. She kind of felt the same way about Stark. Were those feelings wrong to have for someone? She didn't want Stark to have any pain but she couldn't solve that for him.

"You probably won't ever be able to take that pain away from her," she admitted quietly, perhaps also telling that to herself. "But perhaps having a relationship, I mean friendships possibly a romantic one, might heal her. But it won't be easy. I had a lot of wolves leaving me in my lifespan and forgiving those wolves and making new friendships were one of the hardest things I had to do." She smiled at the friendly bump he gave her. She couldn't help but to shift closer to him as they were walking. "I don't agree," she spoke then with a grin on her lips. "You aren't always an ass. Don't give yourself too much credit," she teased him a bit, to lift the spirits of their conversation.

 

Stark wouldn't understand why Valette didn't condemn him. Stark might have not thought twice of his crimes if he'd say, stolen from a cache or pissed on someone's garden but he'd left his son and pack behind without word. "We went back when we came into the wilds but no one was there. Not a trace of anything. " He admitted with a faint frown. "I'm not opposed to looking, mind you, but, I also know winter isn't the best time for two capable wolves to be missing from the lands." Stark wouldn't place himself higher than anyone else as new as he still was but he also wasn't opposed to throwing his weight around so to say - he knew what value he brought to things. 

He was quiet as Valette voiced her own concerns, letting her work her feelings out. "If you don't love him, you don't love him. Sex isn't a promise of feelings for everyone. If he's old enough to make children, he should be old enough not to fool himself into thinking it's always about love."  Stark knew it sounded so callous to talk about someone like they were a child when they weren't present but he had begun to think of Ezekiel that way. Even if he hadn't met him personally his opinion still soured, resting only on the word of the two females he trusted most in Easthollow. 

"It'll take time, she doesn't trust easily." Neither of them did and rightly so but Stark put on the persona often of deflect attention from his sister. He couldn't help but laugh when Valette said he wasn't always an ass, giving a shake of his head. " You only say that because now you get to see my pretty eyes more often," He teased playfully, batting his eyes a bit to try and prove the point. 

Honestly, when it came to compliments, Stark rarely knew how to take them. 

Valette nodded in understanding. She could understand that now was not the time to look for him. She didn't know that Banner and Stark already looked for him when they returned to Teekon. She could have known they would. She would have done the same. The mother wouldn't really want to leave her children now anyhow. But perhaps it would be nice to ask about him to other packs they were friendly with. Perhaps, it was something for Clary to do as she developed her scout trade.

Valette blushed slightly. His words were true, perhaps a bit blunt. Valette thought about it the same way now. Plus, he hadn't been mature enough to be there for the kids. Hence why she felt even less inclined to start a relationship with him. Valette wondered very briefly how Stark would be in such a relationship. Would he make time for his children? Valette had to stop her thoughts there. "I guess you are right in that," she confirmed to the other with a nod.

"Banner and I are already friends, perhaps our friendship will grow into something more," she spoke. She would like that. She could use more friends. Now she just hung out with her children for most of the time. Plus, she lost her mate as well, perhaps they could bond over that. Valette flushed deeply as he teased her back. Because he nailed what she had been feeling. His eyes were very pretty. Perhaps he did see her expression for a moment. But she tried to recover herself. "Perhaps I do," she just returned boldly to him. Her tail wagging slightly.