Redsand Canyon 'cause we were misfits

For @Ruenna

The woman had returned with plants aplenty to restock her storage with, a hide filled to the brim that she pulled along the dirt and carefully started to store within their individual slots. The nausea had set in that morning, causing her to barely keep down her breakfast and avoid any mention of the word lunch. She thought maybe it was the lack of sleep and had continued on with her work. Instead, she was heading towards the palazzo with a bundle of herbs in her grasp meant for the Matrona. It had been far too long since they had last caught up and much had changed. Now, Aquene was married, and Ruenna was pregnant.
 
Arriving at the threshold, she cleared her throat. “Ruenna?” The word grazed her lips as she set down the smaller transportation hide that contained the bundle of herbs. “May I come in?” She would not do as Towhee had done and invade upon a woman’s marital den without permission, despite the supposed lack of the Imperator about. She did hope the woman was resting properly, her mind flashing back to the way her mother pushed herself and ultimately paid with her life for not taking it easy while carrying cubs in her womb. “I have some prescriptions for you to help with the pregnancy.” In addition to the pain meds, though they had been altered to allow for safety of the children she now carried inside.

Aquene called upon Ruenna in her domicile, and the Matrona welcomed her in warmly. 

"Yes, please come in, Aquene," Ruenna responded, clearly eager for company. Although she was tired much of the time and appreciated the peace and quiet that the pack took care to afford her, her days could often be a little dull. She could hardly wait for her time to come when she would she would share this space with the warm, precious little souls growing in her belly, and when her idle hours would be consumed by their care. 

Aquene had called to deliver her medications. "Thank you." Ruenna smiled gratefully. The larger her belly grew, the more acute the pain became. But this had been expected. 

"Aquene, I heard about your nuptials. Congratulations," Ruenna voiced, her perceptive gaze searching Aquene's features. Before the healer could respond, Rue added, "Although.. I worry that events did not occur exactly as you hoped in that regard." There was a darker emotion upon Ruenna's features now. Sympathy, laced with regret. Germanicus had kept Ruenna at arm's length from the pack's troubles, no doubt out of an instinct to protect her from stress. However, an unfortunate result was that Ruenna was left out of the loop, only to hear of events that had transpired after the fact. 

"Please know.. I am not able to be out and about and I would like, but I am still available to hear your concerns-- yours and those of any of the civilians. I will advocate for you, for whatever you need. I have the Imperator's ear, I daresay." Her smile turned soft as she spoke of Germanicus.

The Matrona was quick to invite her inside and she got to work. She did not like to disturb others in their home, but given the circumstances she felt comfortable doing so during the daytime hours. “How are you feeling?” She asked with a soft look in her eyes. She worried about her. She had told Kallik as much. She didn’t truly know what kind of complications could be caused by the Matrona’s injuries so she simply had to prepare for everything, and that meant fretting needlessly over her health as well. She shook her head, dismissing the thanks because it was not necessary. Not only was it her job, but she felt a love and respect for the Matrona as friend if not an almost maternal figure in her own life… thanks would never be necessary from her.
 
She offered a soft smile to the other woman, a soft chuckle escaping at her addition. “It was certainly not how I had expected… and at first I had been angry… furious, even.” She would always be truthful with her. She could hear the sympathy and the regret in her tone. She did not know how much sway the Matrona had held over that decision. “I hated the principle of someone else making that decision for me… but it hasn’t turned out bad.” She could admit that much at least. “I gave your husband quite the earful about it too…” She added on in a more lighthearted manner this time. “I… am happy. I was angry, but I am happy. He makes me happy.” That was more than she could have ever asked for.
 
Ruenna was truly a kind soul. One of the kindest she had ever known and she offered a grateful look in her direction. “Thank you, Lady Ruenna.” There were times where the title felt awkward, as if she knew the woman enough to simply call her Ruenna, but still formality laced her tone. It had been how she was raised. “I will… and I am still available too. Do not think you need to make your way all the way down to the tablinum just to converse with me… I am more than happy to make a trip up here at your call.” It was her way of stressing that the woman simply needed to take care of herself. She knew she already was, but images of her own mother passing during birthing flashed in her mind and made her doubt that it was enough.

"Oh.." I'm managing, Ruenna almost answered dismissively, but at the last moment she decided on a more truthful reply. "It's been tough. Each week is more difficult than the last." Perhaps Aquene had noticed that Ruenna had been less and less present around the canyon as her pregnancy had progressed. 

Aquene spoke to confirm Ruenna's concerns: she had felt coerced into her decision, although it seemed to have been the right one nevertheless. Ruenna swallowed heavily, guilt now sinking into the pit of her stomach as she realized that Germanicus had borne the brunt of Aquene's ire for a decision that he and Rue had made together. 

Aquene was happy. Rue sighed with relief. "I'm very glad for that. You deserve it," Ruenna spoke sincerely. 

Because Aquene had offered her ear, Ruenna was inclined to take her up on a conversation. 

"I'm not happy to hear what you've gone through in the past weeks. I can see both sides, and I feel very torn. Germanicus and I are trying to make the best decisions we can, but the truth is, Mereo is an experiment. We don't yet have the recipe for success, and so we have to try to invent it as we go along. I'm sorry that you have suffered because of this." Rue's bearing was heavy with the weight of her responsibility. She and Germnaicus would think carefully on how this had all played out when making decision for Mereo's future, Aquene could be certain of that.

It had been tough. She had imagined as much which is what had brought her along to check on the Matrona. A part of her recognized that the Matrona had to have been complicit in her marriage plans, but it was not something she could find herself holding anger towards. Even her anger towards the Imperator had faded… and then she was speaking of being glad, and Aquene offered a soft smile, almost a little pained. She was not so certain she deserved to be happy, not with the troubles she seemed to bring to her at every turn.
 
She explained much of what the Imperator had told her after her angered feminist rant. “I just do not understand the train of thought. We were together once in a moment of comfort… after that, there was nothing, but our marriage was still demanded.” She admitted. Though truthfully, it would have been more… but the night after Kallik had attacked Glaukos and been sent away on punishment, and then they were both recovering from their wounds that they endured while he was away: her from Dimitri and him from a cougar. Still, she did technically have the fact that it had been one night. “I just do not agree with the logic the Imperator presented. I don’t agree that a chaperone is the best way to court. There are many conversations I’d have with my husband that I would not like anyone else overhearing as a way to get to know one another… it was just frustrating. I don’t see how a title like husband or wife changes anything.” She did not want her to believe that she was angry with either of them still. It had taken time to fizzle and fade out.
 
“It is okay… I do not believe I have suffered. This decision, it was one I made. I could have said no, cut things off. I could have agreed to a chaperone. I was simply not willing to do either and I was not willing to lose him. I would not have made this decision if I did not believe that I could love him wholly and call him my husband... I just wanted to put in my piece and make sure everyone knew that I did not agree with the logic.” She paused for a moment as her stomach churned and swallowed down the sudden nausea that had settled into her stomach. “For your back… I can try kneading to help lift some of the tension that carrying your litter has put on it. It may further assist with the pain.” She offered, uncertain where the feeling had come from.

Aquene had a lot to say on the subject, particularly on what was or wasn't the best way to court. Ruenna couldn't offer her any clarity, unfortunately. She had never courted herself, and so she fell on the side directly opposite of Aquene-- she couldn't see why courting was necessary at all, especially on a military base. If two wolves wanted to be married, then they would be married, and that should be the end of it. All of the will we or won't we, the romance and flirting, sneaking around in the midnight hour.. it just distracted from their mission here. 

Ruenna expected that all of this had already been explained to Aquene, and that the medic was simply venting. So the Matrona did not offer any further explanation or defense of her point of view. She simply nodded sympathetically. 

The subject changed quickly to Ruenna's treatment. "Okay," Rue agreed to trying the kneading. "Just tell me how to pose for it." Should she crouch on the ground? Lay on her side..? 

Oh, but one more thing--

"Before we get started, and we leave the previous subject behind entirely.. I wanted to speak with you about one more thing. I want you to know how much your work is appreciated in Mereo, as are your sacrifices. This is not an easy place to call home, and you have been tested repeatedly in mind, body, and character. Your achievements here have persuaded me to add a new rank. Equestrian is a position of honor, only be to held by the most skilled and loyal civilians. The Equestrian rank is now yours, Aquene."

It was the best way Ruenna could think of to thank Aquene for all she had accomplished and what she had endured, and it was far less than Aquene deserved. In truth, Aquene could never be repaid in full.. but that did not mean that Ruenna wouldn't try.

-cackles in chaos-

Perhaps she should have stayed her tongue, but it was not like her. It would be going against the very fiber of her nature to not speak her mind as such. The Imperator and Matrona both knew who she was at this point, and so even if it were needless venting over a situation that was not to be changed, she would do so until she was simply told to shut up. In essence, that was what the subject change was; she was telling herself to shut up. “Laying on your side would be best, however it feels most comfortable.” As she worked, they should shift the Matrona from one side to another if they needed to. She recalled learning the technique from her mother to soothe her own pains when she had been expecting.
 
She started to speak, and Aquene’s eyes softened. She was not sure where it was going, speaking of her work and her sacrifices. It was all she had known, and while she might gripe about decisions that had been made, Mereo had been more of a home to her than all the other places she had been combined. The Matrona was right, it was not easy, however it was well worth it. Her eyes softened, her heart raced for a moment as she remained quiet for a moment, the shock overtaking her.
 
Perhaps she would have offered some touching words, a thanks to the Matrona for the faith she placed in the young woman, but instead her stomach churned uncomfortably and she found herself poking her head outside of the palazzo, promptly emptying the contents of her stomach in a lackluster acceptance compared to anything she might be able to find off her tongue. She’d been doing that a lot, almost all day--.
 
Shit.
 
She tucked her head back inside with a shy expression on her features. “I… thank you, Matrona…” What else was there really to say after the display she had just caused. She’d have to make sure to clean up her mess as well lest the smell haunt the leading duo in their den. No, that would not do. She felt the heat of embarrassment rise in her cheeks. “I am honored by the faith you and your husband have put in me thus far, allowing me to use my skills for the better here.” If she ignored it, then it would surely not come up, right?

Aquene bolted. It was not the reaction Ruenna expected, to say the least. 

Had the heavily pregnant Matrona been able to leap to her feet, she would have done so at the sound of Aquene's retching just outside the doorway. As it was, she was only able to lift her head and whine in her concern. 

When Aquene came back inside, Ruenna opened her mouth to express her concern. However, Aquene was already brushing the incident aside, circling back to the previous topic with the clear intention of ignoring the issue at hand. 

Silence stretched out between the pair as Ruenna regarded the Equestrian thoughtfully. 

"Our faith is well placed," she said finally, her eyes searching Aquene's features. With a deep inhale, she spoke again. 

"I think I might be a little tired. Perhaps we can try the kneading another time?" Truly, Ruenna was not the one in need of rest, but she thought this solution might offer Aquene the chance to excuse herself while saving face. 

"Please take care of yourself, Aquene." Ruenna's parting words were a dismissal, but none the less pointed.

She felt the sting of the dismissal, not because she had done anything wrong but because of the hints of embarrassment that had already flooded her cheeks as the heat rose and her belly stirred uncomfortably again. “Yes, perhaps another time…” She trailed off, almost absent-mindedly for a moment before dipping her head to excuse herself.
 
“I will return within the next few days and we can try it then.” She offered simply before she disappeared out of the palazzo and headed back towards her own den, her mind turning as to how she could have possibly fallen ill. It didn’t make sense to her, not when there was no sickness raging and she had been so careful taking care of herself. Her food had all tasted fine as well… there was much to contemplate.