Broken Boulder oh, give me a break already

Funny how things hit you all at once, sometimes. Standing outside the den with Delight pressed against him, looking thoroughly freaked out, that was exactly what happened to Alarian. Suddenly he realized how real it all was— and how ill-placed he was in this scene. Inexplicably, it hurt.
Nothing, right now. She'll be okay, He murmured, trying to reassure his friend as best as he could even through the sudden crisis hitting him. These were not his children— and for the very same reason he should not care at all, he found he cared far too much. The place he had stubbornly carved for himself, for his patchwork family, held new life; new life he could not help nurture. These children were Delight's— Queenie's. He wished— he wished they were his— but he didn't.

He was frozen, quiet, until she finally called out. His gaze turned to Delight, expression soft despite the strange, unwanted rawness in his chest; he held tightly to the fresh memory of his friend pressing against him, used it to fake whatever emotion he should feel right now. Go see them, then, Alarian told him with a gentle smile. Remember— there are borage leaves in the den, for milk flow, if she needs them. And make sure she eats soon.
It was time for him to go— and as he turned to leave, assuming Delight did not stop him, he spotted Ulf. His pace slowed almost to a stop for a beat. Then, he hurried to the wolfdog's side, muttering when he got close enough so only he could hear, I want to leave. He didn't bother asking— if Ulf didn't want to follow him, he would leave alone. Find somewhere to think about the fact that he didn't even want kids before this, damnit.