Broken Antler Fen I wrote you a letter

Maia listened quietly as Wraen delivered.  She cut straight to the solutions, some of which made sense, some of which made her feel worse.  Not because she didn't like Wraen saying them, but because she should have known Eljay well enough to know them herself.  She felt embarrassment fill her as her sister pointed out her mistake and how she should have done things.  

The more she spoke, the less hope Maia had too of him ever being able to leave.  He had such a big job there, of course he loved it.  And she was right about the kids, which was another reason she'd wanted to stay, but if she did stay did she even have any chance?  And wasn't some better than none?  Why is everything so HARD.

I do want kids.  I want to be with him and have a family, and we can't do that like this.  If he has to stay to take care of them, and I stay here, then there's no chance.  Right?  They have theirs and I have none.  Her voice was smaller, but she was calming down a little.  The advice about talking about it was good, but she still couldn't help but think there was only one outcome here.  His face, when I asked.... it was like I just drained everything out of him.  And he still almost agreed just to make me happy, which... what if in the end, he just hates me for it?  

She couldn't live with that, she didn't think.  I can't even talk to my own boyfriend right, and he's the wolf I know the best after you.  I don't know how I'm supposed to do anything as a leader aside from make everything worse.  I just.... I just wanted to prove I was good enough.  Ah, nope, she was working her way back towards upset again.  It was clear in the rise of her voice on that one.  I don't think I ever will be.

It was melodramatic, but Maia believed it with every fiber of her being right now.  Reaching for leadership had been a tentative hope, a stretch outside of her comfort zone that she'd been teetering on.  This blow to her confidence had her stumbling back into her old habits and patterns, the ones that told her to just keep her head down and let others handle things.  All she ever was was a mistake.