Ouroboros Spine the knife cuts only so deep

for @Inutsuk when you have time, upgrade to a present-day thread!

many things cause shikoba to think most of her time. she thinks quite a lot, and for moments she wonders if this thinking is dangerous. a mother thinks of her son, a wife thinks of her husband, and a leader thinks of her village. certainly, with so many roles, shikoba was forced to think of many things.

her son, finally returned to her hearth. her husband, now promising to stand beside her. the village, standing strong with the new marriage between the star child of moon woman and the trader of Ardeth, now called sivullik. 

it seemed that winter took on a new name for shikoba, not death and gloom and frigidity, but instead somehow rebirth. perhaps spring would allow for winter to breathe life into the world for once. perhaps this change was something to simply just appreciate without looking too far into it.

the woman sits alone, quietly now. by the borders, of course, that is where her work always remains. the snowfall is light and has been consistent for quite some time. she was never quite a fan of the white stuff. but for some reason, the woman no longer sees clumps of freezing water.

she sees snowflakes.

Shikoba had now risen as star hunter. Before, she had been sivullik; and while even that bore heavy responsibilities, this new title was different in many ways. Sivullik is first hunter, while star hunter is leader beside moon and sun.

Inutsuk thought of these plenty as he traced his wife's scent. He could not help but feel immense pride. This status, she had earned. None had presented it blindly to her. Never once had she failed to prove her loyalty to Moonglow. It saddened him, in a way, to know that this would likely never be the case for him. While he had returned with his completed tasks, not everyone would accept him back so openly. And even thought Shikoba welcomed him to their ulaq, even she would need time to know his promise was true. But all thoughts aside, all he could really do is focus on the here and now.  

Speaking of...

Ahead, just by a few steps, the tawny man spotted his wife. Slowly, his tail swayed. He approached and gently nudged her shoulder before planting a kiss upon her cheek. Nostalgia hit just then, as he remembered this was the way he had found her a time ago before they married. 

I seem to find you like this often, He mused, smile warm. Then he wondered if she remembered the blissful moments from before, as he did.

the nudge of her husband easily breaks the enchantment of thought, and shikoba offers a soft look to him. "yes, maybe too often." perhaps this thinking was dangerous, though shikoba did her best to fight off the bad thoughts and pictures that once plagued her mind. and come to think of it, she was still a bit unsure of her footing with her husband.

indeed she had welcomed him home, and certainly, her actions of affection have proven that there are no hard feelings. but inutsuk would be correct to hold the fear that she still wears her doubts secretly, weighing down on her neck as a junkyard dog wears a chain that melds to the skin and weighs heavily. each day, the burden would become lighter, each time inutsuk would prove himself worthy of the title of her husband. but the work would always be slow and tedious.

"are you settling back in okay?" shikoba was not always the best at empathizing with others, often it was hard to walk in the steps of others when her path was already filled with so many roadblocks. however, for inutsuk, she'd surely try. she knew that she would never know truly why he left and why he held secrets, and for once, shikoba would let goof prying and instead just focus on comforting, reassuring.

Too often, she said. But why so? It was plenty, in his eyes.

Slowly, he shifted closer to sit beside her. His flank weighed gently against her own, pressing close with an offer of warmth. I don't mind the repetition, He crooned softly, whispering the words into her ear. 

He would not so boldly admit it, but these moments meant more private time for the both of them. Especially since his return, they meant a great deal to him.

She asked then how he settled. Inutsuk hadn't thought much of this, so his answer came slow. Yes, I believe so. It was truthful, but he hadn't much to say, so his words were brief. 

It fills me with happiness to be back at your side. I hope you know this. And he would remind her nearly every day if he could.

his words would fall fondly into her ears, though shikoba knows that the feelings of doubt often linger in the back of her head. a deep breath, she allows herself to rest against him. "yes, i am happy you are home now." shikoba wondered what she even meant by home, did she mean the spine? or did she mean herself, her presence, her title as his wife? she disliked thinking of the double meaning behind his words and her own. it often made her feel as if she was not genuine and almost scheming, as if she is constantly looking for a problem to pick.

she promised herself to let things go, for the sake of making things easier. but the woman still could not deny the feelings that still crawled within her body when the moment became too quiet and her thinking expanded beyond her duties within the village. she breathes in deeply for a moment. "but--," she would start, almost wanting to bite her tongue until it bled, "I still hurt on the inside. in my heart." 

this would be the hardest thing for her to ever admit to anyone. that she still felt the searing pain of it all.

She was happy. But there was still pain. And he hurt for her. He had caused it all. And now he wished he could make it all go away. But it wasn't always that simple.

I know you do...

Descending his snout, gently he nuzzled her cheek, breath flowing warm upon it.

And I will do everything that I can to make it go away. This pain, I have caused... so I will fix it. And nothing but death itself would prevent him from doing so. 

a promise to fix it.

but shikoba has known many promises that were broken. and while she would allow herself to continue to lay with her husband, she still had trouble trying to shake the sickening feeling of doubt within the man next to her. 

secrets were something difficult. one may say that a couple never holds secrets from each other, yet another may say that secrets are what keep couples together. shikoba felt nauseous with such a thought, wondering about everything that still remained a mystery.

"how will you?" a quiet hushed voice, one that held a genuine tone. what was inutsuk's plan to rectify all that was done wrong in his name before? shikoba was even at a loss for an answer of how to fix all of this turmoil she still felt.

There was a biting urge to ask her how she wanted it fixed. But he knew such a thing shouldn't be put for her to decide unless she chose it to be said way. It was her who had been wronged.

Inutsuk swallowed, looking upon his feet as he thought for the right answer. Maybe there was no perfect answer, but he needed it to be close to that, or he may he condemn himself for the days on.

A way to start, is to act the opposite of how I did before. I know I could promise you a million times that I will never disappear, but it will never be true unless you see it yourself.. Something Kukutux had shared with him. They all needed to see in order to believe.

But here, now, I will be by your side every moment I can. And if not with you, I will be hunting for and guarding the village. It is is my intention to start including Mojag in these things. He is growing. Soon he will be a man. Most of childhood moments were spent without me... but as he continues to mature, I hope to rekindle our relationship in some way- even if in the slightest. Boy or not, Inutsuk wanted some solid bond forged with his son.

There were other things, surely. But he had not thought of them yet. They would come to him soon, and he would do them.

there they were, the promises that inutsuk would try and keep to his wife. and shikoba would have to pray to her gods that this would be true, that there would be no more secrets and no more disappearances of her family. the storm within shikoba would stay content, with nothing more than a rainstorm that lacked lightning and thunder. This would keep her calm and her husband afloat in her mind.

when he mentions their son, the woman grows curious about how inutsuk will plan to handle this. it was true (and she was quite pleased to know he was willing to admit it) that her husband was not there for mojag during his younger days. and shikoba knew that there was fear within her heart of him growing up without guidance from a father figure. and while the village stepped in to raise him, shikoba always feared that this was not enough.

she wasn't even sure if she wanted to have another litter in her hearth considering that mojag had returned. when was there ever a good time to talk about having more kids? and certainly the woman feared that inutsuk would grow more attached to the later children as he would have been more present in their lives. she would not allow for such a thing, and she would not allow mojag to feel as if he is inferior.

"mojag will need time, the village was his father in your place." her tone lacks bitterness, hoping to show that shikoba has learned to let this piece go. "but mojag is forgiving. as well are the others in the spine." the pieces were all there, it was just a matter of putting them all together. "have you spoken to moon woman since being home?" perhaps that was the biggest burden to bear, though of course he could have already done so.

He would need time. Inutsuk knew this. And he was prepared to take all the time necessary. Perhaps Mojag may never forgive him, but that didn't mean he wouldn't still try.

The village looked after him well, as did you... There was but aching to follow, but it didn't. Inutsuk wished to scorn himself for not being present to fill his role then, but he worried saying such a thing may hurt Shikoba more. She already knew these things, so why repeat them.

She then spoke of moonwoman. Gently, he shook his head. I haven't. But I intend to-... I have a gift waiting to be given to her; a fox pelt. I have the means to give it as a show of thanks for allowing her agreement upon my returning to the village. He wondered then if Shikoba would approve of this. Would it be enough to show his sincerity? Or would he need more than a simple skin of fur.

he spoke of the things she knew. when the universe deals you a rough hand with no end game, sometimes you just have to play the game with what you have. shikoba could not fold onto her son or her family, and when push came to shove, the woman held some form of pride for her ability to resist.

"do not rush," she would advise him gently, "you will have time to speak and hunt together." so long as mojag agreed, of course. and shikoba would not force her son into an uncomfortable position, not again if she could avoid it. and as for moon woman, inutsuk would have a gift.

the wife would nod her head approvingly, knowing of the beautiful pelts that kukutux adorned herself with when out and about. it would sit beautifully on her shoulders in shikoba's mind. "she will appreciate it." for a moment, shikoba wondered if she would ever receive such lavish fur from her husband, perhaps in a greedy manner of thinking. "you should seek sun man to rejoin the men's circle, perhaps hunt with him." a chance for inutsuk to find more footing in Moonglow with the other men in the ranks.

Do not rush, she reminded him. Inutsuk agreed with this. I will take things slow. Only when he is ready. Only then, would the hopeful father make his advances.

Sunman has always been a fair soul. I believe he will welcome me back, in time. I may share words with him soon as well.

So many names piled upon his list, but he would take his time getting to each. Like with Mojag, rushing would get him nowhere.

mojag has always proved himself to be exceptional. shikoba knew he carried that spirit from his grandfather on mojag's maternal side. as each day passes, her son grows stronger and more mature -- a true man of his village. and soon enough to be wed and have his own family when he desires such a lovely thing.

with his words, shikoba does offer another nod and quietly ponders of those moments that would occur without her supervision. but inutsuk was capable, she knew this of her husband.

"soon." she repeated to him quietly as she turned to look towards her husband gently. "but for now, stay." an invitation for him to stay. in the moments where she did not think of what stung, she was able to still appreciate his warmth and presence. a deep breath, a puff of visible air escapes her mouth.