Phoenix Maplewood akele hum, akele tum

set right after morningside's arrival in dawnlark plains

he needed to get the hell away from morningside and that entire family.

his emotional state had taken a nosedive since @Dawn had decided to be a brat. add her equally bratty sister into the mix, plus the weight of grayday's expectations, catori's impending litter. . .it was all too much. too much for aditya, who had never had to deal with family drama and thus, turned tail and fled when things turned from gold to shit.

at least he had the maplewood. the elegant, towering trees gave him shelter from the late winter winds, their boughs welcoming him into their embrace. his stomach gurgled loudly, and he felt a pang--he hadn't eaten in some time, and it was due to stress more than anything. with nose lowered, he began to follow a small, meandering trail through the woods, looking for quarry.

after some time, aditya had managed to snatch a hare, and devoured it, his jaws sinking almost angrily into the supple flesh, teeth cracking tiny bones. when he was sated, he left the remainder of the carcass--naught but a few scraps--as a meager snack for birds of prey and carried on, licking his chops, his tail streaming behind him as he slowly trotted amidst the trees.

and all the while, thinking. perhaps he'd leave morningside, try his luck elsewhere. it would be painful, excruciatingly so, to leave dawn and her family behind, but maybe it was best. maybe it was what she wanted.

he supposed he couldn't stay here if he did choose to leave. grayday would be furious with him for desertion, so he'd have to travel far. he'd likely return south, to the sequoias. . .try to seek out old friends, live with them for a while. find a mate that wanted him. and most crucial, at this physical moment--he wouldn't be so cold.

with a sigh, aditya stopped to rest by what he thought was once a pond, its frozen, muddy mess now a blight on the otherwise pristine forest. his hawkish gaze stared straight ahead in anticipation. waiting for what, he didn't know.

he'd slipped away from the main group, and his absence had not gone long unnoticed by the woman. for one who was barely able to hold his gaze, she noticed acutely his prescence (or rather, lack off), and had slipped away from the monotony of marking borders without a backwards glance. his trail had led to the maplewood, which was not surprising in the least. they had both loved the place, with the dense, protective canopy that would surely bloom in spring, the trees and all the places to explore. while dawnlark certainly reminded her of the cuesta, she'd never much liked the latter; preferering the wooded places, the cliffs, of the Plateau. 

here was the dirtied surface of a pond, and too wisps of her mate's scent. here she paused, wishing that she could somehow hurt physically, enough so that the hurt of her mistakes stoppped, enough so that things set themselves right. what she would not give for some physical retribution, that would somehow set right her guilt. but this was surely a coward's wish, and with a minute chuff that failed entirely to broadcast her presence, she slipped nearer to her mate. 

she had evidently guessed incorrectly where the borders of the pond lay, and a great splinting and cracking set of as she neared, leaving what she'd hoped to be a silent approach messy and loud, surely alert Adi of her presence now. awkwardly picking her way out of the churning ice, she disregarded the scummy water that coated her hocks and closed the final distance between them, ears flicking once as quite suddenly, words failed her.

a series of sharp cracks and splashes made him flinch, and he looked over, seeing dawn approach him in a clumsier manner than he was accustomed to. well, and this was the same girl that had fallen out of a tree, and gotten impaled by a stick. he supposed he wasn't too surprised. she came to stand silently, looking at him.

god, she even declined to speak first? then again, it had been her tongue that had gotten them into this mess. with a sigh, he blinked at her, mouth pulled taut before finally opening to speak.

"how are you feeling?" his eyes raked the healing wounds of her shoulder, the small but painful-looking one on her face, and while his gaze held concern, the emotion didn't quite make it into his words. his tone rang cool and hollow off the trees; he had spent days stuffing down his feelings, and it would take some time to drag them back out again.

songbirds chirped quietly in the canopy, a calm melody at odds with the tension-fueled air below. the creatures were beginning to return north in droves, and their presence was a comfort--it meant that spring was close.

he did not scream or voice the hate that he must surely feel, something that had the girl more distressed than relieved. and then again, she hardly expected him to, for he was her motivator and yet also her rock. "I'm alright." her response came after a pause, and held the detachedness that his did. for a moment, the silence stretched on, and she watched him carefully a moment longer.

"no," in the face of all she had to lose, it seemed of little consequence that she reveal to Adi what she had been unable to that night.  "I've been doubting myself for a while. first - not being able to give you pups. then Pema, who thought I wouldn't be able to make it through the winter. and-"  here she paused, already not knowing where she was going with this, but hoping her thoughts would iron themselves out as they seemed to, sometimes. "but doubting you - doubting us - that was a mistake. a horrible, stupid mistake." 

she shifted, shifting sideways until she noticed and abruptly halted, reaching inside the scattered thoughts that lined her mind and hoping for more words to form on her tongue. "I drove my own brother away, in part. I realized too late, and even now, we aren't what siblings are supposed to be. but I can live with that - I can't live with knowing that I drove us apart." here her words faltered, and no matter how she reached, she could not pull more of the swirling thoughts to the forefront of her mind.

he drank her words in, listening with an attentive ear. he was expecting an apology and got one, in part, but the words were not the balm to his wounds he thought they would be. she had shattered his trust, sent him into his own spiral of self-doubt, and it would take time to piece it all back together. time. not these words, which he didn't know to be true.

"you have to decide what you want," aditya responded quietly, giving her a gimlet stare. "but dawn. . .you can have both. you can be with me, and you can be free." here he gave an incredulous laugh, one he'd been choking back for days. "god, did you think i'd trap you in your den and not let you out?"

the wind stirred his pelt, and he continued, voice growing stronger. "we love each other because our souls are the same. we're adventurers at heart. and yes, children will change that, but only for a little while." he paused, then, unsure if he should voice his next statement, lest she seize upon it like a fish to bait. finally, tentatively, he added, "even if you don't want children, i won't force them on you."

dying childless seemed a fate worse than anything, but he was willing to risk it for her sake. he didn't know why he continued to sacrifice things for a woman so clearly ambivalent about their future. yet this was hariji's love. . .deep, boundless, unconditional. and if he were to live in his deity's image, then this is what he must do.

"everyone has doubts about themselves; it's natural," aditya murmured, stepping the barest distance closer to her. he held her gaze for the first time in days, firm and unflinching. "but up until the other day, i had never doubted you. i didn't doubt you until you gave me a reason to doubt.

"tell me, dawn. . .should i let those doubts go, now? do you speak true?"

---

he was silent for a time, and Dawn knew that no matter how open she was, she'd fractured something that would take a while yet to heal. still, she would accept that, for it meant that they were not broken - merely bent. she moved to sit before him, fearful that her nervousness would have her pace as he spoke. she offered something almost resembling a smile at his comment, wind pushing through her pelt as for a moment, there came an odd silence after his laugh. 

she knew it would pain him to forgo children, and somehow it hurt her that he was not angry, for surely he ought to be. "I'm sorry, Adi - I've been childish, and stupid. I want our future - I want a family, with you." here she paused, before continuing carefully.  "I didn't just doubt myself, I was scared - the future seemed laid out so solidly, and even though it was what I wanted, you were what I wanted-"  she paused, biting her lip. she was not scared of uncertainty; rather, she thrived off it. it was the idea of being confined to structure and walking carefully along the path that was so clearly laid before her that had her so unsettled. with such clearly defined rules and expectations, it was so much easier to fail, and so much harder to find the thrill in the unknown that she so loved.  "I'm not making sense, I know."

he sought her gaze, then, and she met it evenly. she'd never been good at hiding her emotion, as was made evident at how easily Adi had latched onto something being wrong in the first place. uncertainty and sincerity moved in their golden depths, and to a desire for things to be as they had. "I speak true, Adi. don't doubt us - you asked me once, what I wanted from life. I was still figuring it out, then, and I still am - but I want us." 

she came to sit by him, and his tail curled around her haunches--the first outward sign of acceptance. the equivalent of someone taking their partner's hand after a fight, squeezing tight. the chasm had been bridged, if only by a thread.

"when you have something to live for, you'll always be scared," aditya murmured, casting his eyes to hers. "when i was young, i had no fear, for i had no future. the future was without boundaries or form; it meant nothing to me. i woke up every day with no desires or expectations."

the quiet of the maplewood was a great solace, the rustle of wind through the leafless trees a boon to his aching heart. he knew in that moment that this was the place he wanted to call home, and he would not rest until he made it so. "but when i fell in love with you, and became a part of your family, i felt fear for the first time," he continued. "because when you have something, finally have something. . .you also have something to lose, as well."

the two of them sat in silence for a little while, aditya allowing himself to melt a little against dawn's side. the warmth of her skin beneath her pelt, the fresh, wild scent of her. . .god, he'd never get enough. but if it had been simply her body he'd wanted, pretty, supple young women were a dime a dozen, here. he loved her, for her. . .all her flaws and doubts and fears included. he hoped she was as accepting of his own.

"i'll only ask one thing of you, dawn," aditya said, finally breaking the quiet. his golden eyes were serious as he looked down to her. "all i want is honesty. and candor. if something is bothering you, then please. . .tell me, so we can talk about it. even if it means you could hurt me."

---

and again, somehow, he managed to cut through to her worry. she had something to live for, promises and bonds that were the very opposite of the wild uncertainty of her youth. "then I am scared,"  she responded, the admission heavy for the prideful girl, for surely fear was a weakness. "of failing, of losing."  She fell silent as he seemed to press against her a fraction; if her sitting had been the equivalent of clasping hands, then perhaps this was Adi drawing her close again, somehow.

  "you'll have my honesty, Aditya. that I can give you, should have given you." she was fearful of appearing weak, unable to provide and unable to do what she must and loved, of failing. but she'd already done so, in a way, and now that that fear had come to pass she could not think of falling down the same path that had led to it in the first place.

---

he smiled as she admitted her fears, turning his head slightly to press his muzzle against her cheek. "everyone fails. everyone tastes defeat," he murmured, lips close to her ear. "what matters is moving on from it. don't be scared of failure, mera pyaar. it's how you pick yourself up, after you fall."

aditya pulled away and did a semi-circle, halting to stand in front of her, so he could directly look her in the eye. "and if you find you can't pick yourself up, then i will be there to do it for you," he said, the smile still lingering on his muzzle but faded into something more somber, more serious. "i promise you that."

the two were blanketed in the depths of the woods, the forest teeming with new life all around them. just as the trees would start fresh, so would they. if the end of winter had sowed the seeds of doubt, then spring would bring with it trust, and hope, and love. warmth. peace. the chasm had been bridged, and the anger he'd felt in his bones for nearly a moon was finally gone.

"and i'll always be honest with you, dawn," aditya continued, the smile growing into something more happy once more. "anything you ask of me, i will give it." he gave her a friendly nudge with his head against the shoulder samaantine hadn't torn open. "thanks for coming back to me."

---

she was silent as he spoke, knowing that she could not match the ease and beautiful harmony of his words. once did her maw open a fraction, when he promised to pick her up, and yet words did not come. instead, she bridged the gap between them, pushing her muzzle into the fur of his shoulder with a sigh. she withdrew only when he spoke again, and get her burning gaze was softened, made benign and open. "Adi," she breathed, "I'll always come back to you."

and around them, the wood moved with spring's hope, and soon the land would change once more. she was made silent not only by her own inadequacies when it came to words, but also the relief and happiness that washed over her suddenly, her own golden gaze meeting his firmly.

the two embraced, and the maplewood embraced them in turn. they made a handsome pair; he knew it, she knew it, everyone did. the two scouts, paws constantly itching for adventure, upbeat and charming. they were made for each other, and the world was their oyster.

and right now, they had a new home to explore.

"come on," he prompted her, after giving her another kiss to the cheek. he gestured toward where they'd entered, at the edge of the woods. "let's go mark our new borders."