Stone Circle And I end the story that we didn’t even get to start

Tiny steps towards her, tiny steps that made her want to screamd and snarl and snap at him. But that would only make it worse, would make this worse, what was about to happen to her, what would always happen to her, again and again and --

But you wanted it, didn't you?

That's what you just said.

Had she wanted it? Had she given him the impression that she wanted it, just like now with Xan? Had she somehow messed up and was she the one to blame for all of this? The thought was revolting. No, no, no! she wanted to scream, but she couldn't. Because what if he was right? What if the voice was right all along, and all of it was her fault because she hadn't been clear enough?

Step,

step,

step.

Cautious steps, but she knew what he wanted. Because that's what this had always been about. He didn't love her -- he just wanted her. Just like that innocent spring night. When she thought back to it, to the innocence and to her thoughts -- that she could have him because he took her -- all of the memories were charred, a dark lining around all of them, broken and marred, now. As if it wasn't as pleasant anymore as it had really been. As if maybe, she didn't want it at the time at all. As if that, too, was an act of a man taking what he wanted, taking, taking, taking, as they all just did.

Step.

The final step.

He was here, now. She sucked in her breath, looking down to avoid him seeing the fear in her eyes. She didn't want him to see the fear in her eyes because they had taken everything from her. She refused to let them take her dignity, so she would stand here and take it and she would even pretend that she liked it. Because they couldn't know how much this would hurt her --

Oh, I already know

-- and so she would clamp her jaws shut and pretend that it didn't hurt her, that she did want this. To make it easier. She quivered involuntarily when he touched her cheek. Don't let him see your distaste. He said something. It didn't hit her until a few seconds later. She blinked. No, I don't? She wasn't sure what to do or say. Be insulted that he called her a liar or break down and cry cry -- Cry! His voice in her head was all-consuming and wrecked everything apart.

Why do you say that? she said, her voice blank, but not stoic, no, more blank because every emotion at the same time was put into it and she couldn't choose which one should prevail and so it sounded chaotic and pained and at the same time blank on the surface. What makes you think that? Because you're a lousy actress, Laurel. This time it was her own voice talking back. Because he doesn't want you because you're so ugly, A mixture of her own and his. Then, all him... Because, my dearest, it doesn't matter whether you want it or not. He will take it anyway if that's what he wants. She shivered, from head to toe, the kind of shiver that one would have when they've witnessed something absolutely atrocious just now.