Stone Circle And I end the story that we didn’t even get to start

He sees right through you, whispered the voice. He was there, he was always there. She wanted to shout loudly that he should leave her alone because he was dead and he couldn't be here. He was dead. He was dead. He was-- You just couldn't say good bye, could you though, dearest? You would far too much miss my big throbbing -- I'm not scared, she snapped back at Xan, though her voice quivered even as she said it. But she needed to say something to cut off the voice in her head, because anything was better than hearing him talk about...

What happened? Yes, tell him, dearest. Do tell him about my children. Tell him how you wanted it. Tell him how you played hard to get. Tell him how you brought this on yourself by calling me names and humiliating me -- No! she shouted suddenly, anger in her voice. I don't owe you anything. I don't have to tell you what happened because you weren't there for me then, so why would you be there for me now? I can't do this, Xan, I can't -- She paused shortly. But you want to tell him, don't -- Don't ask things of me that I can't fucking do! It's not fair! she shouted out loud with teeth bared, her fear making place for anger because right now she could only choose one between the two.

She wanted to be confident and dismissive, or sweet and tender, or anything that wasn't this.. monster.. but she had learned throughout her life that this monster was who she was and now that she no longer had Indra to reel it in and now that she had the voice of her rapist living in her head, she had no idea how to handle the simplest things -- such as simply living.