Blackfeather Woods Walking by your side

Her temper had been seemingly dormant for some time while she pretended she could whittle away her days in peace and be truly happy. Of course, it hadn't been drama that she wanted, but more like a purpose. And now that she had woken from that strange coma, so had her temper. Only now, she felt things like regret. Young Taki had walked around, spouting her opinions regardless of who they hurt, but she wasn't sure she could feel right about that anymore. She wasn't going to be any less opinionated, but she could go about things differently. And she probably didn't need to be quite so defensive with Taikon, as hard as that would be to change. Her go to was to be defensive, but it was just a reaction bred from a lifetime of being let down. 

The brush of his shoulder against hers brought her from her thoughts, and she looked over at him with a frown before her expression shifted and filled with guilt. I am being selfish and stupid, she told him, shaking her head. You do not deserve my anger—it is from my own issues. She released a long sigh. You should go. I will stay here and heal and take care of Taktuq. It makes the most sense. If something happened to one of my nephews because of my inability to get out of my own head, then I would never forgive myself. It seemed attempting to let down her guard would not be easy, but that didn't really surprise her. Still, she was disappointed in herself for making this such an issue. She was acting like a child.

A deep frown coated her face, and as if he'd ruined her, there was another downshift in her expression. His own lips compressed in a small frown as she told him her guilt, told him he didn't deserve it. Although he hadn't fully understood why she'd gotten angry at him, he also wasn't willing to let her say bad things about herself. You're not being stupid, he corrected, slowing his pace yet again to a halt. You're probably not wrong about your brother. I doubt he'll be pleased to have a haggard-looking guy like me wandering up and telling him 'oh by the way I have your daughter and she's fine also Takiyok is with us'. I'm a little afraid he won't even believe it, Taikon admitted. You felt something strong about it, and that tells me you're probably right, he said.
I want to pick the best shitty option we have. Do you really think me going now is the best? Or should we wait? It was a serious question. He had his logical, rational way of thinking about it, but he didn't know Siarut like Taki did. He leaned toward her, offering a soft, calm gaze. They were better together, and that meant they could make better decisions if they worked together, too.

And in return, he tried to console her by telling her that she wasn't stupid and putting merit behind her reasons for why she felt she needed to to be the one to make the journey. Of course he was. His kindness had been one of the many things that had drawn her to him. Since joining Sagtannet, he had always been there for her, and it hadn't changed even when she was being unfair and combative towards him. 

I think he will be more concerned about the handsome man I have sent in my place to have a conversation with him that I would normally have myself, she told him, a smirk lifting one corner of her mouth. She could see him now, and she almost rolled her eyes at the thought. She hadn't needed her big brother to protect her in a long time, but he would never give that role up. I'm hoping Valette will be there for the conversation, as well; she will be more level-headed about it, I think. She will be upset, too, but will handle it better than Siarut. She is their aunt as well. Their mother was her sister—she died when they were very young. Her last words were solemn. Taktuq had suffered enough. 

She thought about his decision, her eyes searching his while she did. She didn't want him to go at all. She had gotten used to his calm, confident presence, to his warmth next to her at night, to their long conversations about their pasts. The thought of spending two weeks wondering if she would ever have that again was almost too much to bear. But, there was no other way. I think we should wait a week and make sure Taktuq is settled here and that we are not going to be kicked out, she finally said. Then you should go. I do not want to leave Taktuq even if my headaches are better. She trusted Taikon to care for her, but she didn't want to leave Taktuq here for two weeks without her.

Of course, he couldn't help but grin at her misguided but loving comment — by the time he got down to Easthollow, he would be a proper disaster. He had already lost a fair amount of weight between the journey from Sagtannet and now, having been shoving most of the food he came across toward Taki and Taktuq and eating whatever they didn't finish. It was unusual for him to put the needs of others before himself, as usually he did the opposite. These were special circumstances, however.
Taikon listened closely, picking out the nuances of the family, constructing a small, flimsy family tree in his mind. Valette, he said quietly to solidify the name. Then, Taki mentioned that the mother had died young, and this brought him great sadness as he thought of little Taktuq. The girl had already experienced a rough start. He wondered if they would be able to steer her in the right direction, or if they were in for hell when she reached adolescence. He figured a little of both was to be expected.
He stood before her, watching her think, tilting his head a little, wondering. He nodded when she said they should wait a week; the new perspective that it would help Taktuq get settled made sense to him. She needed stability. He also very much worried that Zephyr would just decide tomorrow that it wasn't worth keeping either of them around because he wanted the prince away. Even though the silver boy had promised to get them a guide should they wish to leave (or be willed out), there was just no good, safe place to go with a child in tow.
I... He looked at her then, having entirely let go of his earlier frustration. He smiled weakly. I will miss you. A lot. He reached out and touched her then, brushing his muzzle over the fur of her cheek. He had looked at her every day for many days, and he had yet to grow tired of her image.

His words echoed the aching in her own heart. They also confirmed that he agreed with her plan and in a week, Taikon would set out back across the mountains. Worry clenched her heart as she pictured it—all the things that could go wrong while he was on his own. What if he ran into Mahler? He had been spared a fight the day they left because she had been there, but if they ran into each other without her, she hated to think what would happen. And what if the cougar found him? There would be no one to help tend to his injuries or take care of him if he couldn't do so himself. She was spiraling, she knew, but it was a hard train to stop. She had made similar trips on her own plenty of times, and she was sure he had too. It just felt like life was always waiting in the wings to fuck things up and this seemed like a perfect opportunity to do that. I will miss you too, she said quietly, closing her eyes and leaning into his touch. You better come back in on piece, she told him with a little more volume. Until he left, she would have to make their time together count and force him to take care of himself a little better. 

Tonight, she was content to walk more with him and discuss whatever came to mind; those were her favorite moments with him.