Lion Head Mesa If I catch fire then I'll change my aim

she had gained weight. it would've been easy to mask had nazli been older - grown in to her body more before she had been brought to ramesses - but as she was still a lean figure, and girlish, the added weight around her middle was obvious.

the whispers had gotten worse. the stares. nazli could barely manage her daily routine for all the awkwardness she felt; how bothersome it was, to be the subject of speculation within the palace! her illness had waned; she no longer felt the shudder of a twisting belly nor did she struggle to keep her food down in the morning. if anything her appetite had grown, and she now ate as if she were ravenous.

between duties, she could be found sneaking to the storehouses to pilfer snacks. she was quick enough with this, and knew the timing, so that other fellahin would be preoccupied; that said, it was nearly impossible to prevent further rumors from spreading.

nazli knew what some of them whispered - that she carried the last heirs of ramesses inside of her, somehow. those that might rival makono. it was a chilling thought, and one which prompted her to stuff her face with all the more vigor, to hopefully choke back the terror in her heart.

Medusa had heard the rumors, the whispers. By now, perhaps only Toula was kept out of earshot of it. Even Medusa had a soft spot for the girl, but was equally as bothered by her pleasantness. Medusa, apprentice of Senmut now, was no real holy woman. She was a horror. And today, as she spotted the fat Nazli, some of this spirit might be known. A confused, angry girl... who would take it out on the lavender fellahin, and hope the lickspittle would fight back for once. 

She found the girl stealing from the palace. Her eyes were bright. A ticket to freedom perhaps, someday, to speak of the girls thieving. Pregnant, hm? came her voice, cracking the quiet like a whip. Why didn't you tell me the other day? I might have been nicer, she huffed, but her voice was unpleasant as she added, might.

Medusa wasn't mean spirited at heart, or maybe she was. But she was angry at the world, angry and had no one to share it with... and so, Nazli, unfairly, would receive all the things she had kept to herself, away from Gucci, away from her quiet, hidden brother Midas, and it was all stored within her. She was not as capable as the rest as keeping it in; she was fit to burst. 

And now, she felt that she might let the damn within her break. All upon the pretty lavender girl, who for all of her troubles could still stand unbothered by the sun.

the worse she felt, the more she ate. the more stressed, the more she ate. the more tired, the more famished; all she did was eat and waddle between her tasks, and think of eating when the tasks were finished. food gave her comfort in a way that filled a new kind of void within nazli. the dopamine kept her going; and she would only continue to swell as she snuck snacks throughout the day.

she was mid-swallow when she was visited by the specter. the sudden appearance of medusa startled her in such a way that she sputtered and nearly choked! but she forced down whatever had been caught in her throat, eyes glistening with the effort. a few ungainly snorts later, and nazli was looking utterly sheepish and defeated. she had been caught! what if medusa spoke up to someone? sayf would certianly not entertain the pilfering - and tavina might've been lenient to a degree, but --

pregnant, hm? medusa's voice slithered forth.

nazli did not know what to say, but she knew of the rumor. she knew what the servants tried - and failed - to whisper about. that the nebet heard those same stories and now confronted her was mortifying. her eyes were downcast. i -- i suppose, it could be possible, hm, miss medusa, nazli stammered. that is -- well, tavina says i am getting better. but what did that mean? fatter, seemed more accurate.

Getting better. What did that mean, here? Did it mean she was no longer pregnant? Medusa had no idea what the hell that even might look like. How many times had she encounter someone pregnant? After a quiet sniff, Medusa said, you smell like you have always smelled, and then, after a beat, I think you are just acting like it. To get attention. To do less work, 

She didn't know why she said the things that she did. She supposed she was acting, too. She wanted something else from Nazli, more than what she was simply willing to give. A reaction, maybe? Medusa did not know. She would poke and prod, though, because she was furious at the world.

For herself. Maybe even a little for Nazli too. Did Nazli want this for herself? Did Nazli also not know what the hell she wanted? Medusa felt as though Nazli had always been very... self-assured. Knew her place better than thee rest of them. Better than her own damned self. 

And because you hate the new Pharaoh, she added the last bit in the quietest of whispers. But now she watched Nazli as Senmut had watched her that terrible day.

the insinuation came out of nowhere, a strike at Nazli's character which sent her in to shock. she reeled. she balked at the works and blinked widely at first, mouth agape. as she gathered her wits and tried to defend against such a claim - that she didn't love her work! that she would ever seek attention! that she would lie! all horrible untruths - Medusa snuck in a finishing blow.

her furs prickled all-over when Makono was mentioned. her ears were back, then forward, as a sudden hormonal fury swept through her! You don't know what you're saying! she did not regulate herself as she shot back with this, insistent, offended, afraid even! above all, angry!

I love my work, the pharaoh, akashingo - how dare you! despite her ire, Nazli's eyes became glossy with tears and she felt the clench of emotion in her throat.

The lack of satisfaction stung Medusa more than Nazli's hurt, struck by this rather than any words. Medusa seemed to deflate, a sigh of vexation eking out between her teeth as she frowned at the mongrel girl before her. A mongrel who somehow belonged here more than she herself felt that she did. 

Was... Had there been any satisfaction to scrape against the wound, and feel the corner of it lift? Even knowing it might do more harm than good, Medusa decided that this feeling, miserable though it made her, was far better than nothing at this hour. That was a start, right? Better than anger, better than numb. 

Medusa lifted her head, huffing. You dare, she pressed, pretending to be a protector of Pharaoh, of anything and anyone but for herself because any with their wits would know that to have this conversation was to have no sense of self preservation. Dangerous! Too dangerous!

Some of that knowledge rang like alarm bells in her head. Her voice was quieter still as she hissed, you pilfer her stores. I would not believe you, were you to deny your rumors. I have caught you, and you think to lie to my face? 

Medusa snorted, but said past an irate sigh, I will not tell the truths that we know to any other. Because you will owe me. I will protect you, if you will protect me, an olive branch extended. 

Misery loved company. Medusa did not know if she could endure her own loneliness, oppressing as its was. Maybe that was what it was.

as soon as the words left her mouth, even in the midst of her emotion, nazli knew she had said the wrong thing, let the wrong part of her emerge. it was not right for a fellahin to speak in this way to anyone! it was not right against the nebet, or anyone else, as they were above her in every way! and she knew this. she had been trained against such vile emotive moments; and yet she had a lack of control here, and medusa took full advantage.
the pathetic part of it was, nazli thought herself deserving of such vitriol. as medusa voiced her opposition and made her corrections, nazli wilted. as quiet as the nebet became, the more hostile; and nazli felt so very small in their presence, like a fly being snapped at, her wings being tugged off with each syllable of promised threat.
medusa swore protection; it was blackmail, it was dangerous, it was wrong, but it was beyond nazli now - and she felt so thoroughly crushed (all the way down to her spirit) that she could only nod in short, quick bursts. anything, anything to make amends for this! anything to protect herself.
she couldn't even speak, so strong was her fear.