Lion Head Mesa noctilucent

the sun had gone down hours ago. nazli had heard senmut singing the prayers. this time - as with the last few weeks of them - she had not been in attendance. it seemed fitting that his new protege should benefit from lessons, at least that was what nazli told herself often enough; medusa needed to learn.

she was awake. without so much on her plate during the day, the girl had excess energy to burn. she was lethargic, but sought the comfort of the cool spring air. she ventured to the plinth of stone where once satsu, the first queen, had been found.

it was a desolate place in the dark. the stars winked down from above, with the exception of one tenuous stretch of cloud that looked almost alive with a moonlit glow, the likes of which she had never seen before. it was like a bolt of linen pulled taut around an oil lamp, and caught her attention for a while.

politely kicks down door

she could not sleep. she burned with a fever befitting the anxieties in her gut. so she went out into the fresh, dark air. let the wind tussle her fur in ways a lover might.

she had half a mind to call upon senmut, to summon his company. it was easier to sleep when the room was not so empty.

but to be pharaoh was to be alone.

a thought that drifted away from her when she spotted nazli. a moonlight lilac. her gut twisted tightly with a long, tired yearning. awoken after weeks of suppression. months, perhaps. she had not forgot the way her father had ripped the lilac from her breast like a heart.

she only announced herself with a soft clearing of her throat. sword away for these precious moments.

henlo best friend !!!!!

the cosmos reflected in the blackness of her eyes. an ominous white streak slowly crept across her vision as the cloud moved in the upper atmosphere, and just as the whiteness and the glow of it dominated the otherwise bleak expression, nazli heard a soft cough, and blinked. she looked over one shoulder and saw the glorious sight of the gilded pharaoh, resplendent beneath a beacon of moonlight.

at once makono was her friend, her sister, her princess — as if she had not ascended the throne at all, for the briefest flutter of heartbeats. in the next breath nazli composed herself and was reminded of the changes: the strong manner in which makono held herself now, that guarded aspect which had not been there before; her softness, expunged.

pharaoh, the fellahin spoke, bowing her head and turning to attend her superior.

(♥‿♥ )

it stung. she had not expected it to — for every time so far when her title had been spoken, it felt like a shawl. wrapping and warm. a comfort to her shoulders even if she must grow into it.

here it felt...garish. ugly. out of place in the moment she wanted. the moment that would not come.

a winding mind fluttered down memories of bathing in the wellspring, in the oasis of mereo. her cheeks felt burned in that moment. kissed by the sun like the colors of her fur.

you can't sleep? her voice felt disjointed from the rest of her. tone unreadable when her heart wished to reach out.

her thoughts were with her brother. her thoughts drifted as the wind did, over stone, through fields still chilled by the last tendrils of winter and the not-yet-budding flowers where one day the bees would hum. she thought of senmut's medallion and realized she felt suddenly naked without it; but why would she need its protection here? why here, especially when it had failed her so far?

makono asked a question and for a moment nazli did not recognize the voice at all. she swallowed a piece of her heart which felt as if it rested at the back of her throat.
it is a struggle, with my reduced work. she explained. it was not a complaint - she made sure to keep her voice level, to cater to her station. the swell of her belly was obvious even in the gray haze.

she wanted to say something else, but, couldn't quite compose the words. it felt strange to be standing here before someone she was once so close to, perhaps holding the very life within herself that could rival that, or cause the downfall of one so great. they both knew it; makono was no fool, with her power and those to counsel her in all things. it struck nazli in that exact moment that her friend had, somehow, become some kind of threat.

her jaw set with tension.

why — her mind wished to press. to hear the words pass from nazli's lips itself. to force that voice to quiver with truth. it was ugly and becoming. not the girl she had been when they stood side by side. yet it was the woman who had come to stand in the place she had struck her own father from.

after that father had wedged a canyon between these two girls and had made them both grown beyond their years.

taking a life, giving a life. they aged in different ways on different paths. set there by the same hand.

what was there to say? no words could fill that canyon enough to make them familiar again. nothing would ever bridge the gap enough in just voices. actions. deeds. she knew these things would fill that space. yet still there lingered the question of what.

come with me, she did not seek to harshly command, but nor did she wish to hear a no. it was ugly to be on the other end of this power dynamic among the people of akashingo and only now did she understand it in full.

there was a tension between them. nazli felt it in the set of her teeth, which would have ground together if she dared to move. she barely breathed, waiting, hoping the darkness could obscure the dejected way she held herself, or the empty stare she employed while in the presence of someone so divine; she knew makono as something more than that! she knew her friend as someone real, who had once run with her in the mountains and who needed her help to pick the dirt from her coat. as someone who would gossip like any girl, and plot in the gamine way for boys, and yet that had all slipped away that night when ramesses had gone. it was as if her girlhood had been tied to her father - the same, but different also, in how nazli's had been. one had transformed in to a ruler, the other - nazli had no word for what she had become.

come with me, the pharaoh ordered. it need not have been phrased in such a direct way, or wielded with care, for any word spoken by a pharaoh was by virtue of its existence, a command. nazli knew this. she was well taught and dutiful; she had served makono's father in every way commanded, and now she would find a willing servant for whatever desires sparked to life here.

when makono began to move - if she did, wherever she did - nazli would follow, keeping pace as best she was able given her weight and awkwardness, and the terrain in the dark. she found her eyes tracing the golden fleece along the pharaoh's muscled shoulders, witnessing the way the light played upon every inch, with a familiar spark of fondness that flickered like a dying ember.

if it's too pp-y or anythin' lemme know! <3

let the scandals and the rumors trickle. let them spread the halls and infect the ears. let makono add to them tonight as she let her footsteps lead them back to her chamber.

what worse things could be said than the possible heirs in nazli?

and they could walk in uncomfortable silence the whole way. until they went beyond the arched frame of the room. where it sat empty and even more deafening silent than them. lonely, if she wished to apply her emotions upon the open space.

yet there was a bed with furs.

makono did not need more than a steely look to send away all but a guard at the door. the guard could listen if he wished, makono could rest with the knowledge the words would not likely slip free. and if they did? rumors, they spread like rats. she could crush them just as quick.

she did not speak. not yet.

only looked to nazli now and searched for something she was not sure she could find anymore.

what use could nazli be to makono? it was late; if there was food or drink to be gathered, she could be sent for it; the wellspring was cold at night, and had yet to warm much within the mild spring. no, they did not go so far. nazli knew the path - she knew the chambers which once belonged to ramesses, now makono. she did not hesitate to cross the threshold as the pharaoh led her within, where she glimpsed a familiar bed decorated with fresh furs.

it smelled different in here. there was the sweetness of flowers - left over from holding court, a day or so ago. the shelves were decorated with some trinkets which ramesses had once gifted to his daughter (with nazli's help); some, she saw, were dashed or off-kilter, but she thought nothing of it except to make a mental note for tidying. this was the first time since nazli had visited this space in a while. the last... she had little memory, but she had been addled by sickness.

makono looked at her and her spine straightened. she kept her gaze averted, almost pious.

neither one spoke.

and yet makono had already thought these things. no use for words. none fit. so on and so forth. a long winding train of thoughts that she could not stop fast enough.

she turned and placed herself upon the beds. delicate in the way she postured herself now. as if she wished to be smaller than her status, as if the weight of her title sagged her shoulders now. in a way it did.

so did her thoughts — and the thinking of how much more nazli knew of some things than makono. how somehow it was only the lilac who made the divine pharaoh feel like nothing more than a husk.

a fellahin should not have such grand power, but she had once been more than just a fellahin to the girl who stood as pharaoh now.

she did not force nazli to sit upon furs with her. only waited in a breathless silence to know what her natural move was next. all the while her gaze stayed fixed on the soft shoulders and the gentle slopes of the lilac's neck. never roving to the rounded sides.

power was the furthest thing from nazli's mind; she had never had any, being a servant, and even when she thought she'd owned some piece of it for herself - when she'd chosen to give herself to ramesses - she knew now it was a manipulation. she had never had power, only some glimmering of hope, which had been weaponized against her. her mind was blank as she watched makono recline upon the furs, unsure of what the pharaoh expected of her. afraid even to ask, as if she should know by the sharp look the woman bore.

she could recall with great clarity the feeling of being bundled up close to makono. of what it felt like to sleep beneath the stars, while a giant brooded not far off. between responsibilities: away from the palace, and not yet near mereo. it felt like a lifetime ago. a myth, barely real.

nazli made a small noise as she cleared her throat. she did not move, because an order had not been given.

are you... angry, with me? she managed to ask, letting some of her apprehension bleed in to her tone. she hoped to clarify a moment later but couldn't find the words, and struggled, tense and awkward, feeling at once too-big and too-small, paradoxically. as she took a breath her sides seemed to swell and, noticing this of herself, she clipped the moment short. tucking her tail low. i did not want this.

how pitiful her voice was now! why even speak this aloud? and to the pharaoh of all people! it was not appropriate.

that canyon became an ocean. full of the sudden pouring of emotions in such simple words. still so much distance yawned between the two young women.

makono motioned now for nazli to sit upon the bed, near a spot next to her. the emotional gap could stay, but she wished to bridge the physical. to bring them closer to one another. as if the act alone might be enough to spark that familiar feeling.

the times they slept together in protective ways along the mountains.

she waited for the lilac to settle before her voice dared to enter the cold air — and if i say i believe you? it did not change all the things that had happened, did it? yet she looked with a heavy yearning for something simple between them.

idk what this is aside from rambling

nazli fell to obedience now, her spirit too withered to fight, as if she ever had the inclination to begin with. she wanted things to be different.she moved to the bedside and then carefully settled upon the furs there, close enough to be respectful of the pharaoh. just shy of touching, as if to do so would invite wrath, or be somehow taboo. nazli knew that the whims of any pharaoh could not be ignored; but it was hard to see makono in this new way. she could not help but compare makono to her father, and thinking of ramesses was... confusing.

makono spoke. the tone of her voice was enough to make nazli's mouth run dry, and her ears trembled but they did not fall back in a slant, more likely frozen in place, nervous to do anything. what if she reacted without thinking? what if some little thing, a breath or a blink, was read in the wrong way? she did not like how afraid she was.

i... she was breathless, unsure, frozen. whatever you... ask of me, pharaoh, i will do it. it felt worse now than with ramesses! at least with him, nazli understood her place, and their relationship. the balance of power. the girl was conflicted: here was makono, once her greatest friend and ally, transcended now. they were not friends - if anything, nazli was sorely aware of their immense differences. one at the top, one at the bottom.

and whatever grew now inside of her, stuck between.

tavina has medicines. i'm sure i can... find the more volatile ones. if that is your wish. i could, i could -- she didn't want to say end it, but it was implied, as she struggled. either to cleanse what nested now in her womb or, if the pharaoh willed it, nazli would go further and let herself go. what use was one lilac to the brightly-burning godhead? better to let it wilt. at the same time, nazli wondered if the very idea of death to the unborn would be considered treasonous; they would be princes and princesses, certainly? rivals to not just makono, but to siptah, to toula.

nazli blinked rapidly and stared empty-eyed at the furs around her. she saw how her own cautious breaths made the hairs tremble, and said nothing further.

"whatever you... ask of me, pharaoh, i will do it."

she sucked on the tip of her own tongue. felt it pinched between teeth for a moment. surely it would have been easier to demand to go to tavina at once. to do everything that could be done to absolve the issue entirely. but what of nazli? what damage would be done to her in the hunt to damage what was in the womb?

senmut's voice crept down her spine in a slithering crawl now.

"i would have suggested you end her as well, had your love for her not been so great."

the high priest had pierced her heart in an ugly way. it showed here now, before the fellahin she once knew like a sister. like a love. the lilac she had once shared nearly every waking moment that she could. found any excuse to always have her near and take her on trips.

my wish is you, nazli. her voice steel even when the emotion pooled in her eyes. there is no man sitting here. in this room or on my throne. yet still he has — ruined you. ruined me. ruined us. —left a mark, on you. her voice teetered into the dark gloom of the night, of the soured air she felt all around them.

was she any better to think her mark would be prettier?

come back to me. the lives within set aside, until she could once again have the life already before her.

her eyes stung.

i have not gone anywhere, but much could change regardless; nazli knew, makono knew. they saw the shift in one-another and the chasm that spawned between them now.

sisters once, almost. now? master, servant.

I'm... I'm sorry. nazli blinked hard, forced herself to swallow what she felt; she wasn't sure how to identify any of it, and besides, she was trained well enough to bury it.

can I do anything for you, pharaoh? her spine straightened despite how leisurely she lay upon the bed.

fade? <3

if her own eyes stung, she did not speak on it. only sucked a small breath between her teeth.

you can rest here for the night. it was all she would ask. even if it felt wrong somehow. like nazli should be elsewhere, in a place that did not harbor so much ill at its core.

was makono that place? was the room that place? the lines blurred somewhere.

<3 <3 <3

the request, which wasn't truly a request because of the mouth that spoke it, gave nazli pause; only because she did not expect it wholly. she did give a nod, and lay her chin down upon the bed after.

if it pleased her pharaoh she would share their bed. that was their purpose, after all.