Redhawk Caldera hold onto your heart.

This is set for the 22nd :) I'll tag in the babies when it's time but for now, private for @Eljay <3

Fin had begun to second guess her decision only a day after agreeing to allow Eljay in the whelping den during the birth of her litter. At first it had been a matter of comfort. Having babies was gross and she didn't much like the idea of someone there to watch the show. It had also been the fact that it was probably going to be fairly terrifying for Eljay to witness, particularly since there wouldn't be much he could do to help her with the pain and the struggle of giving birth.

But the closer she came to their birthday, the more her reluctance became a different matter altogether. There was little room left in her heart now that she would survive to see her children for more than a few minutes. She had never known a sadness like this one with such a terrible fate looming over her, and in spite of her desire to be strong for her worried mate and already grieving son, she was simply too exhausted, too weak, and with too little of her own hope to be able to inspire it in others. And so her desire to renege on her promise became nothing more than the heartsick want for her son not to have to watch her die.

Fin was sleeping, and for once it was a nice dream she was wrapped in rather than a nightmare, as she'd been having the past few days. It was a cool Summer evening and she was lying at the mouth of her den beside Elwood while Eljay played with four happy, healthy young pups just a few feet away. Peregrine and Fox laid nearby too with their own brood. Raven and Nightjar were there, as well as Wildfire. And all four of the second litter of firebirds, cuddling happily in a pile of baby boys while their older siblings laughed about the adventures they'd had away from home. It was such a simple dream, but it was pure bliss to feel contentment after weeks of distress and misery. They were not hungry, they were not mourning. They were just alive, together, and happy, as they were unlucky ever to be in reality.

The Blackthorn awoke sharply as a stab of pain shot through her body. The dream was gone in that instant, as was even the memory of it as Finley stood with a gasp. With a frightened growl, she forced Elwood out of the den and proceeded to pace. The wait was not too long before the pain came again, and Fin grew certain that her time had come.

"Call Eljay," Fin barked to her mate through another contraction, her mind made quite suddenly to keep her promise to him since it could easily be the last she'd ever get to. She didn't listen as Elwood complied, simply continued to shift restlessly as her final hour began.

Something was different, and somehow he knew. Peter's loss had been heavy on Eljay and it had taken a lot for him to let go of Peter's head — still he was in denial, unable to truly realise that little Petey was dead. He simply refused it and very likely his parents had noticed that Eljay had grown quiet since Peter's death, but also at times referred to Peter as though the little boy was still alive. He'd find something pretty and say, 'Petey will love this' or even go so far as to bringing it to Peter. He'd search everywhere for the little boy.

So far, four of such items had been gathered, kept in a small hollow log close to the rendez-vous site, where they used to play. When he'd find Petey, next time, he'd bringing him the gifts. Who knew how many more of such trinkets would be gathered before Eljay ever faced the truth — if he ever would.

For a change, Eljay was neither silent nor busy looking for Peter, because he knew something else needed his attention. Mommy had gotten bigger and bigger of late and now it was time for her to give birth; an event that she had promised he could be with. So when his father approached him Eljay didn't need to be told what was going on and sped past daddy to go and find mommy.

"Mommy," he said when he found her and he gingerly nipped his mother's nose while he waited, suddenly growing nervous. He didn't know what to do, hadn't had enough time to prepare. He'd intended to speak with Auntie Fox to ask her more about birth, but had been so busy fussing over Peter lately. Now he felt silly for it, but he hoped he could be of some use. And if he wasn't, then maybe he'd learn something today he could use next time, or when someone else was giving birth.

I am.. completely freaked out by what I'm writing FYI *shudders*

Fin wasn't sure how long she waited for Eljay before he arrived for the waves of pain kept her attention riveted. Every twinge, every ache, she analyzed with almost feverish anxiety. The pain that twitched down her back legs - did she feel that with Eljay? The nausea that raised her gorge precariously close to the surface - was that still just the biting hunger or was it something worse? What of the things happening to her were normal and okay to be feeling and what meant that she was losing her pups? What meant that she was losing her life too quickly? Finley whimpered desparately as she dug at her bedding for what seemed like hours, tormented and scared.

Eljay's arrival was a welcome, albeit brief, distraction. She smiled faintly at the nip to her nose and licked her parched lips before resuming the heavy panting that would accompany every step of this process. She felt compelled to say something reassuring to him. She knew somewhere in her mind how difficult the past few days had been for him after losing Peter. On some level, she was even aware that he might not be entirely mentally well considering he oftentimes seemed to be unaware that Peter really was gone. But she found herself unable to say a word - not to comfort him, not to inform him of what was happening to her, not even to welcome him. She had nothing in her mind but the present, which stepped up to the next level only a short ten minutes after her son's arrival.

Fin had just attempted for the 348th time to lay down for a moment when she was suddenly up again. Her legs trembled violently as a contraction took her again, this one stronger and more painful than any she'd yet had. She whined sharply when she felt the warm liquid of her water breaking and trickling down her leg. She swung then to sit and clean herself, still shaking. After a moment, she stopped and cast a look over at Eljay.

"They'll be here soon," Fin said to him between shaking breaths. She watched him, looking for the emotions that were always written so plainly on his face. She felt compelled then to say something finally. It felt suddenly so terribly wrong that she had not warned him that she might not survive this. There he was, watching, wanting to help, waiting to take care of her. Completely unaware that by the end of this, he may indeed have little siblings to look after, but he may be without a mother.

Fin swallowed hard and dropped her gaze, remaining perfectly silent as she waited for the first pup to come.

<3 *clings to fin*

Eljay could see that his mother wasn't doing well, but was that normal when anyone gave birth? Why hadn't he taken the time to talk to Aunt Fox about this? Eljay felt like pacing and felt uneasy in his inexperience, but he knew he couldn't show mommy just how terrified he felt to be here. The look of worry was written plainly on his face as his mother said the pups would be there soon. That was good, at least. The water breaking had startled him somewhat, but he supposed it was part of the process.

Deciding to ask, because he just didn't know, even if it made him feel silly, Eljay carefully asked, "Is everything going as normal, mommy?" He waited with bated breath for the answer, just hoping that it would be a positive one.

It was a perfectly logical question for Eljay to ask, and yet Finley felt quite certain the moment she heard it that her son was onto her. She froze in her trembling and looked up at him. Tears pricked in the corners of her eyes. For a moment, she didn't know what to say at all. But then it came clear to her that she couldn't lie to him. Not now. Not when it felt like whatever words she shared with him now would be the last.

"I don't know," Fin told him, giving a shrug and attempting to smile bravely for him. Another contraction took her then and she was up on all fours, unaware that she'd ever tried to lay down again at all. This one was partnered with definite movement that made her gasp with pain. She hadn't though it possible, but her legs trembled even harder now as instincts told her to push. She strained with her body until she was forced to stop so that she could breathe. Fin took two gasping breaths before starting again, and again, and again, while the minutes ticked by in a manner that meant nothing to Fin but was likely unbearably slow to her son and mate who could do nothing but wait beside each agonizing second.

It was perhaps a quarter of an hour before finally, the first pup slipped onto the bedding followed a moment or so later by afterbirth. Fin turned and reached for the child, cleaning away the fluids with repeated strokes of her tongue over damp fur. Her heart was pounding with joy. If nothing else, she had managed to give her mate at least one. A girl, she thought, as she chewed away the umbilical chord and continued grooming her. A sweet little girl. Perfectly quiet. Perfectly.. still...

Panic swelled and Finley whined desparately as she groomed the pup, her tongue washing over its face repeatedly trying to stimulate its blood, encourage its breathing. The pup remained unchanged as tears began to flood her cheeks. Why was her daughter not moving? What had she done? She failed. She failed them both, she failed them all. Elwood. Eljay. Little Caoilfhionn. She was supposed to be named for Tiger. What had she done?

In truth, it was fortunate that the next contraction came, in spite of the pain it caused her when it did. Finley whimpered piteously as she turned away and paced towards the back of the den, leaving the still pup where it lay. Hope flickered only briefly in her as her body told her she still had more chances at giving her family the children they wanted, but it was drowned quickly by the torment of losing her first and the ever approaching end of her own life.

When the terrifying answer came, Eljay's brows furrowed in worry and he nosed mommy's face. "I need you, mommy," he whispered hoarsely, a tight squeek in his voice that showed that he wasn't ready to lose her. He'd fight for her in whatever way he could, but what could he really do?

Helplessly, Eljay watched as mommy paced around restlessly and eventually, a pup came out. It didn't look very good, but then, maybe they all looked that way when they were born? He looked at mommy's face but she showed nothing but panic and it didn't do any good to eleviate the panic that Eljay himself felt. "It's okay, mommy, I'll protect you," said Eljay — words terrifyingly much like the words spoken first to Peter when he'd found his dead body — tears clouding his eyes as he looked at his mother.

Eljay didn't dare come closer, because he didn't know what to do and crowding mommy wasn't going to help at all. Apparently it was going differently from when he was born, or so he assumed, since mommy seemed in such a panic. It strengthened his resolve to become a puppy-deliverer-helper, but at the same time he felt so helpless and scared right now. He watched with bated breath, hoping that everything would be okay — that mommy would be okay.

Eljay's words were sweet and striped to offer him another smile, but she was quickly distracted. Fin gasped as the contractions came stronger and it grew time for her to push. Somehow, this one was easier to free than the other. That or perhaps she was just too exhausted to really gauge what was happening any longer. She sucked in a deep breath as the second of her litter came into the world and she turned to clean him. Desperately, she pleaded with whatever powers there were in the world not to let this one be stillborn. To let this one love, so she would have given her family at least one to make up for what would be taken away.

@Lagan was receptive to her ministrations, unlike his sister who laid still a few feet away. Fin made a sound somewhere between a Yelp and a cheer when the little boy began to breathe and waggle his paws up at her. Tears came to her eyes again - or maybe they'd never left - but this time of joy as she moved her little boy to begin suckling at her side, reveling in the feel of it and the success it meant she had achieved.

"Jay," Fin said between heavy breaths, "You have a brother." She laughed then, a happy sound, but also with somewhat of a desperate, frightened tone. She swallowed it down to regain her composure, setting her attention on the little one at her side.

That is, until a flicker of movement caught her eyes. Fin looked over at the tiny pup lying in the bedding - her firstborn. Perhaps she was delirious from exhaustion, but she had thought there had been movement. Finley whined at the little body, attempting to reach for her but stopping far short as her contractions started again. Apparently, she  was not yet done spitting out puppies.

Finley woofed to Eljay and motioned with her muzzle at the pup, desperation in her eyes. Likely the pup was gone and this was simple wishful thinking, but she did not want to give up as she had with her first daughter that had been born along with Eljay. At least not when she had her son to pick up her slack as she began to struggle with the next puppy.

He was out! Freedom! Covered in slimy goo, Lagan breathed his first breaths, tiny paws kneading the air. A large tongue licked all over his body, clearing the goop from his nose so that he could breath. Where is mommy? Hungry! Boobs! He couldn't see, and sounds didn't come from his mouth yet, but he opened his mouth as if to whine. He was small, as was his sister, but born as healthy as could be during a famine like this. After wriggling around for only a few seconds, big nose pushed him towards his mommy. He moved his head around frantically, searching for a nipple and latching on as soon as possible.

Lagan didn't know it yet, but he had made his mommy very happy. His older brother too and probably his father. He didn't know but he had cousins and an aunt and uncle and a large family to love him. He had so much to live for. He continued to suckle at his mommy's side until she had another contraction, moving around. He lost contact with his nipple, and flailed around to find it again. Lagan was a fussy little baby and very hungry. He waited impatiently for someone to move him back where he wanted to be.

Sorry to skip you, Iris! I just wanted to give Lucy life before her birthday was over :)

Fin glanced to Eljay and the other pup as often as she could manage, but her attention was shortly consumed by puppy number three. This one proved rather quickly that it was going to be the most difficult of them, for Finley strained and strained and felt no change at all within her. With a grunt, she pulled herself away from little Tiarnach and stood, hoping that it might somehow make a difference. But, try as she might, the last little wolf would give no ground.

It was over quarter of an hour of straining when finally, Finley dropped to her haunches again to clean herself and give her stomach (ehm.. privates) a pleading look. "Oh come on, little one," she whimpered as she panted, "Come on. Please." She rested for only a few seconds before standing again and resuming the struggle, all the while wondering to herself if perhaps this was how she would die - by the eventual implosion of her intestines by the force of her pushing. She was tempted to laugh at the thought, but it came out as a frustrated yowl, which she used to fuel her latest push.

When finally @Lucy came free, it took Finley every last ounce of strength she had not to collapse into the bedding right on top of her. She staggered, then pushed herself safely back away from the little cub. The mother thought then that perhaps she would just let herself go; it would be so easy to just close her eyes and let the entire world slip away. But somewhere, the sound of teensy cries brought her to open her eyelids and crawl forward to clean the little bean.

This one too was responsive, and soon enough Finley had tucked her against her side where shortly after, she placed her brother. She dropped her head to the ground then in exhaustion while her sides quaked. In her mind, she knew that she needed to check on the pup she'd left in Eljay's care. She needed to look at her firstborn to see if he was alright through this ordeal. She needed to gaze at the boy and girl at her side at least once before death took her.

But instead, Fin closed her eyes while her breaths came slower. She'd done it. She had given her family this incredible gift that they had so longed for. She hadn't failed them. Finley Blackthorn had finally not screwed up in a moment where it truly mattered.

And so, it was with the faintest of smiles upon her muzzle that she lost consciousness.

Suddenly and unceremoniously, the inky little baby was born. Her constant wriggling had somehow managed to get her outside of the safety of her mother’s body. For Finley, though, her little Lucy had put up quite a fight to stay inside the warmth of her womb, and the small black blob was not too pleased with being forced out without due warning. With a quiet little plop Lucy landed in the bedding and once she was cleaned and free of the goop that had clung to her small body, she was most certainly responsive.
 
Opening her tiny mouth, the youngest began to wail. In all actuality, due to her small size and her new birth, the dark pup was only capable of making a series of soft grunts that could scarcely be called sounds at all. Her eyes were still closed to the world, but she did wiggle something fierce as her mother tucked her neatly into her side. With much resolve, Lucy parted her mouth and prodded around for a teat. Once she had fastened her mouth onto Finley, the inky blob suckled herself into a quiet rhythm and only grunted once or twice out of protest.  

The second puppy was born, and Eljay's ears perked up, his heart leaping to his throat, as he watched it, hoping that this time it would be okay. His tail wagged gently when mommy informed him of the arrival of his little brother, elation falling over his face. He'd almost forgotten that mommy wasn't feeling well.

Like a miracle, the tiny puppy in the corner started to move, however subtly. Even before mommy motioned for Eljay to bring her to mommy, he was on it, recognising that the puppy was still alive. Eljay quickly moved over, gently grabbed the tiny pup in his mouth and put her down beside mommy and besides its baby brother.

While the third puppy was being born, Eljay gently nuzzled mommy's face, trying to comfort her but, in part, also himself. He was scared and tried to stay calm, reminded himself that the first two pups were doing well too.

The third pup was born and mommy cleaned it and put it by the side of the other two. Eljay's tail wagged slowly back and forth in careful happiness, hoping the fragile balance would stay tipped to the happy side. His brows betrayed the worry in his head though, and it was confirmed when mommy lay back and seemed to slip away.

"Mommy?" asked Eljay, ears falling back and pressing forward again in a display of uncertainty. "Mommy, do you want to sleep now?" There was no response. His heart thrummed in his chest as he crawled closer to mommy and started to lick her nose, hoping to wake her up for long enough to know that she was okay.

"Mommy, should I watch the puppies while you sleep?" he asked between the licks he pelted mommy's face with, his voice rising to a squeak as he repeated — "... Mommy?"

It took a while for life to come to the firstborn of the litter. Liffey felt herself leave the comfortable warmth of her mother's womb to enter a strange new world that was cold and dry and rough. It was not at all the the newborn's liking. She had liked the world inside of her mother. Never before had the world shown her how weak and frail she really was. So, without even consciously making an effort, she began to fade away, never even bothering to try and be alive.

A twitch was all it took though for the beings around her to spring into action to keep her with them. The infant moved again in protest as she was lifted, and only then was it that she finally began to breathe for the sheer need to have air in her lungs in order to communicate her unhappiness with a squeak. When she landed upon the ground again and was shifted towards her mother's stomach, it was too late for her stubborn mind to hold sway as instinct grabbed her and she latched on to suckle.

Life won this round.

The world in the last few hours had been a chaotic, emotional, terrifying thing. But when finally Finley laid with all three pups squirming at her side, everything began to grow still and quiet in a way that it hadn't in months, or maybe even years. She had not felt such peace since she herself had been a puppy, sleeping at her mother's side, chasing her siblings through the fields of her first home.

Her life had been a bright and happy thing until her first mate had arrived to darken it. She had never truly recovered from it, even now with the weight of the secret off of her shoulders and acceptance of the part she had played in that terrible history. Finley had spent so many years in the shadow of what had happened. Not once had she ever felt as though she'd escaped it, even though it was only rarely that she would ever admit that she hadn't. It had always lingered, twisting her character and making her fear the things she was incapable of understanding she deserved. She ran from happiness, knowing she would only destroy it by being careless and foolish. Then she would hurt others again. Then she would lose them.

But somehow, all of that seemed so far away. Finley was exhausted beyond her comprehension and it left her mind vacant of all else except the present in which she had brought her family three perfect little puppies. Siblings for her son. More children for her mate. They had both wanted so much for this and Finley had come so very close to failing them, as she still felt she failed them every day by not being a better mother, not being a better mate. But even those thoughts of self-deprication could not touch her in that moment. There was only her success and the warm, joyful peace of knowing that she had not failed them. She would not lose them.

Finley didn't stir at Eljay's ministrations, lying as still as the first pup that had come into the world that day. His voice was in her ears and in her heart as her breath faded and her heart slowly came to a stop.

"Mommy," whispered Eljay, and his ears fell flat while his tongue ran across mommy's face. He could feel her shallow breathing on his tongue each time it ran out and along her snout. He crawled closer, pressing his head against her neck and licking the fur along her spine. "Don't worry, mommy. I'll always protect you." He closed his eyes and breathed into mommy's fur, didn't even notice when her breathing came to a halt.

Tears started to slide down his cheeks, a stirring in his chest at the exact moment that mommy's heart stopped. He simply knew. He didn't need to look, didn't need to realise that her body's shallow rise and fall had faltered. He just felt it, in every fibre of his body.

"I hate you," he sobbed into mommy's fur, but the words weren't meant for her. "I wish you were dead," the normally peace loving boy said with a shaky voice. He wished they were dead instead, the puppies, because he couldn't live without his mommy.

And as soon as that he shot back to the only thing he knew. He couldn't cope, not without breaking himself into a million pieces in the process, and so, he simply did not. "I'll keep you safe, mommy, I won't let them take you away. I'll always protect you, mommy..." and he closed his eyes, wrapping his paws around his mommy's neck, burying his face in her fur. He would stay here, he would guard mommy as he had promised, and he wouldn't let anyone take her away from him.

maybe a good time for someone else to pop in? @Elwood ?

The past week had passed slowly and grimly. Each day, they inched closer and closer to the birth of their pups -- and while that was something that normally would have filled Elwood with anticipation and excitement, he felt only dread. Finley's ominous prediction hung over him like a dark cloud; she would deliver this litter, but she feared that she wouldn't live to see them grow. She had said as much, and that had been the reason that she had shared her long-hidden secret with him.

So Elwood scarcely left her side, for fear that he would miss out on any opportunity he had to spend time with her. Sleep didn't come easily for the Beta male, but somehow, on that particular night -- of course -- he was out cold next to her, slumbering so hard that his nose wrinkled with each soft snore. When she awoke him suddenly, he bolted to his feet, bewildered; only to be chased out of the den by Finley's snapping teeth. She didn't even have to say the words -- he knew it was time.

He was banished and given only one task, and that was to call for Eljay. He did so dutifully, even though his stomach was in knots. The young caregiver was quick to arrive and slipped past his father without a word, entering the den and leaving Elwood to pace restlessly outside as time liquefied and slowed.

From within, he could hear the hushed voices of his mate and son coupled with gasps and whines. He ground his teeth together, succeeding only in wearing a path in the dirt outside the burrow; the tiny new sprigs of greenery didn't stand a chance against the pounding of his paws. Finally, when it seemed almost too quiet inside, he paused in the entrance, allowing his eyes to adjust to the shadows as he took it all in. Finley, curled around three small bundles of grey and black fur. His heart swelled, then pinched painfully when he realized that Eljay was hovering over Finley, his voice rising in pitch as he licked at her face. She was unresponsive.

"Fin..." Elwood said, the single syllable leaving him breathless as he moved to her side. Eljay had pressed himself against her, was murmuring into her neck, and two of the three puppies were wiggling at the curve of her stomach. One of them had lost his place, and Elwood nudged him gently back towards Finley. "Tiarnach," he said, his eyes filling with tears before he steeled his jaw. He looked to his eldest. "Eljay, we have to take care of the babies," he said. His voice cracked, but he made no move to separate the grieving boy from his mother; not yet.

Sorry, I wrote that wrong.

And her heart slowly came to a stop... for like, a minute, and then it was fine.

Eljay couldn't have known, of course, considering his distress at that moment of realization that his mother was gone. And really, she had been. Or so she would later come to think, for there was some clear difference between what happened to her then and simply blacking out or falling asleep. She hadn't seen any white lights - No long lost loved ones trying to beckon her on while one stood and told her to go back. But there had been a significant emptiness that no dream, sense or thought could penetrate.

We have to take care of the babies...

The sound came to her as though on the other side of a thick wall. It was only then that thought returned and along with it, the first thin webs of consciousness. She stirred only mildly, becoming suddenly aware of the pressure of someone lying on her back and the soft nudges of little faces upon her belly and feeling the need to respond. But she was still too exhausted to move, and even this would be only a brief glimpse before she was passed out again.

But before Finley allowed sleep to take her, she found a voice somewhere in the hollows of her self and murmured quietly without even lifting her eyelids, "They okay?"

And then she was out once again, finally completing her greatest troll to date on her beloved viewers.

It felt like hours before daddy came, even though it was probably minutes, if not seconds. Eljay looked at daddy briefly before he buried his face in mommy's fur again. The only trigger that made a difference was when daddy said that they had to take care of the children.

His ears pinned backwards and Eljay vehemently said, "No! Mommy will take care of them!" It was at that exact moment that mommy started to stir ever so gently, that she came back to the frays of life. Had she truly gone, who knew what might have happened; Eljay would have been convinced not to take the pups from her, might've even killed them to make sure mommy survived, and wouldn't have let anyone take mommy from him. It would've been a tragedy -- yet it was doubtful if mommy realised the full extent of her importance this situation as she spluttered back to life.

Eljay's ears pinned forward again as mommy spoke, his tail wagging softly, and he said, "They're okay, mommy. Everything is okay now." Eljay crawled a bit closer (if such a thing was even possible) and cradled his head against mommy's neck, like before, while a peaceful smile started to spread across his face. He had his back on the new pups because he wanted to look at mommy's face. "Should I watch the puppies while you sleep, mommy?" he whispered softly, but no answer came. Yet the soft rise and fall of mommy's chest told him everything was okay.

Slowly the largest puppy of the bunch felt exhaustion take him, too, and unless daddy woke him he, too, would drift to sleep.

Elwood's mind was whirling. They would need to gather the three puppies from Finley's side; although her body would provide warmth for a short time, she wouldn't be able to give them much else after a certain point. He needed to talk to Peregrine and Fox, particularly Fox -- would the Alpha female be willing to nurse her second-in-command's children? He closed his eyes briefly, fighting a headache and swallowing a sob that insisted on clawing its way up his throat. He ignored Eljay's protests; it was no surprise that his son wasn't handling the circumstances well, but Elwood had new lives to care for.

But then, he heard a voice -- quiet, barely audible, but clearly Finley's. His eyes snapped open and he gazed down at her. She was completely still, save for the gentle rise and fall of her sides, but that was enough for him. Tears of relief sprang to Elwood's eyes as Eljay snuggled closer to Finley, equally as relieved as his father. She likely wasn't out of the woods just yet, but at least she was still with them.

Lowering himself to the ground alongside his firstborn and his mate, he gently kissed the bridge of Finley's muzzle. "They're okay," he whispered, turning his gaze back to the suckling babes. His gaze lingered on little Tiarnach, and then moved to his identical twin sister. "Caoilfhionn," he murmured, thinking of Tiger. The little black pup caught his attention next; the mismatched pup seemed to be content next to her siblings despite her different appearance. Without really thinking about it, Elwood gave her a name: "Lucy." Somehow, it seemed fitting.

For now, the little family needed rest. He placed his chin on his paws; he wouldn't sleep, but he would keep watch over his four children and his wife.