Broken Boulder the curse of delight singing-sunlight
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#1
Private 
because AAAAHHHHHH WE NEED A NEW THREAD BEFORE BABIES
For some reason, it occurred to him to wash Samothes' scent from his fur before seeking @Delight. The quick dip in the creek was, uh, refreshing. By that he meant really cold, of course. Then he had to groom himself so he wouldn't show up a wet wreck, and wow that was fun too. The Chancellor had better buy him dinner for all this effort, he thought.
Alarian was still slightly damp when he finally went looking for his friend, but overall a lot cleaner and neater-looking than he had been lately. He felt a little better, too— less agitated, less anxious. It definitely had nothing to do with his newest friend. He snorted to himself. Friend. Anyway, uh. Damn, where was Delight?
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#2
RUDE TITLE!!!!!

oblivious to alarian's, uh, recent happenings, delight is also looking for him. or, well, keeping an eye out for him. looking is too active of a verb. 

he's frustrated with himself: everything feels so strenuous and just.. not worth it. he wants to reach out to alarian (remembering what he said last time they spoke, their awkward goodbye), he wants to spend time with queenie, he wants to be useful to bracken like he promised he would. but all the want in the world doesn't overcome the firm grasp of lethargy on him, a bone-deep ache he's never felt before. he's felt morose, but not like this. it makes him worry that he's sick with something (and how fitting would that be, the final victim to his own curse) -- but he doesn't dare breath that thought into existence, not with his children days away from birth. 

but, anyway. he's not hard to find (he can manage that much), and when he sees alarian, he takes in his slightly damp appearance with a raised eyebrow, but doesn't comment on it. still not up to quips. "sup," he says instead, offering a fleeting smile.
but we were worried that you'd fallen in the river, or worse
but then you sent us back a letter, it said in capital letters
"THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU"
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#3
me? rude? never ♥
Alarian hadn't forgotten their last conversation, either; he had thought a lot about it, in fact. He had come to several conclusions, and he did not like all of them. There was peace in it, though— and this time, seeing Delight, he was genuinely pleased to have found his friend. His approach was slow, because honestly, all that traveling did hurt his leg. It had been worth it, of course, but. He hadn't needed any help in the limping department, thanks.
He returned Delight's smile, maybe a little more warmly than he realized. It was just— he was easier to talk to than most, Alarian had come to realize, even when he was being... weird. Hey. Got time for a walk? He knew Delight had been to Paradise Garden before, during the... thing Lily had made them do— but it was a different experience entirely when the place was uncrowded. Maybe he would like it; a little childishly, Alarian hoped he would.
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#4


as usual his gaze sweeps by alarian's limp -- he's curious about it, in the way he's curious about all things that might carry a good story, but he doesn't give indication he's noticed. his worries about their relationship lessen slightly at his friend's smile. they do not completely abate -- he's never quite sure where he stands with alarian. it's.. confusing, and unsettling, but not unwarranted, he figures, given his... uselessness in general.

"sure," delight agrees, stepping to alarian's side. wherever the boy wants to go, he's content to follow, at least for the moment.
but we were worried that you'd fallen in the river, or worse
but then you sent us back a letter, it said in capital letters
"THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU"
[Image: 8jSCQgn.png]
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#5
Weirdly enough, he was kind of nervous about showing Delight the Garden— what if he thought it was dumb? He almost regretted deciding to take him there, but he didn't really have anywhere else in mind; they were both stuck with his decision, it seemed.
Alarian turned to lead his friend there without another word, allowing the first half of the walk to pass in silence. Not an uncomfortable silence; at least, not on his part. He was somewhere far away, lost in his own head— and, funnily enough, thinking about the same friend he was currently neglecting. They didn't know much about each other, did they?
Well, they knew a few things; their shared tragic love stories, the fact that they both kinda flopped at pack leading (haha, and Ali had promoted him so they could flop together), Delight's probably-pregnant-by-him-friend??? (it seemed the most logical conclusion, but for some reason he didn't want to think on it too long), and Alarian's murderous stalker who also happened to be his brother except Del doesn't know that so shhh. Yeah.
Did he even know Delight's last name? Did Delight even have a last name? Do you have a last name? The question slipped from him before he could stop it— he snorted, embarrassed, and laughed slightly. Sorry, that was— I was just... thinking. A slight understatement, maybe.
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#6

for some reason, the question, out of nowhere, makes him laugh -- a real laugh, something he hasn't done in a while. "singing-sunlight," delight answers, "what about you?" it's true they don't know much about each other -- odd for the historian. only he hasn't been much for collecting stories, lately. 

he still isn't. instead the chancellor picks up his head and looks around, taking in the sight of the garden. it's not his first time here, no, but it is beautiful. not as beautiful as the vale. not as beautiful as the forest. but beautiful, and he appreciates that, distantly. at least he tells himself he appreciates it.
but we were worried that you'd fallen in the river, or worse
but then you sent us back a letter, it said in capital letters
"THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU"
[Image: 8jSCQgn.png]
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#7
Delight had a cute laugh, he decided— then dropped that thought like it was a flaming potato. Bad Alarian! Anyway, um, where were they? Oh yeah. Singing-Sunlight. Really? He couldn't help the question— but regardless of what answer he received, if any, he spoke again after a beat.
That's pretty, Alarian more or less echoed his reaction to Delight's first name, this time with a note of jealousy. His last name wasn't that pretty. Mine's Keil.
Sometimes, he didn't know why he still carried it. Luckily, he was saved from thinking further on it— they had come to Paradise Garden, and he glanced to Delight, watching his reaction. He tried not to feel disappointed.
Lana— Eris and I found this place, when we first came here. It reminds me of home, a little, Alarian admitted in the next beat, not sure why he was making this worse for himself. It was stupid anyway, to put so much weight on such a little thing. To expect Delight to care at all about some stupid flowers. He turned to nose among them absently for herbs, stirring up butterflies; he may as well make the trip useful, at least.
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#8


keil. alarian keil. he makes a note of that, his nose still slightly crinkled from alarian's question -- of course that's really his name -- though it smooths as he realises that it was a compliment. he also notes the correction, wondering when lanawyn made the switch. not that it's the first time someone he knows has gone by a different name (he misses seabreeze... surely her children are here by now? ah...)

"that's sweet," delight says, smiling a little at him. and then, since alarian brought it up anyway, "what was your home like?"
but we were worried that you'd fallen in the river, or worse
but then you sent us back a letter, it said in capital letters
"THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU"
[Image: 8jSCQgn.png]
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#9
He should have expected Delight to ask about it, but let's be real, since when does Alarian expect any of the things that happen to him? It had been awhile since he had been asked to describe it— a long while. A slight pause followed the question. When he did answer, he was still nose-deep in herbs.
Huge, insanely beautiful, a little lonely, Alarian tried to sound casual. A place called Sunfil Grove— it's in a valley, really difficult to access. Almost impossible to leave; I guess that's why my father chose it— and why no one else did. It's almost... surreal, there. You kinda forget the rest of the world exists. He missed it now, knowing his father was dead and his brother was no longer there; he knew he would never return.
Yours? That was only fair, right? He cast Delight a curious glance.
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#10


habitually delight squirrels the details away, commiting to memory sunfil grove even though he knows he will never see it for himself. he finds he does not mind when alarian returns the question. whether because he's used to talking about it nor or because it's too much energy to be bothered is hard to say. in any case he hums, saying, "it was nestled at the base of a mountain.. i don't think it was notable, really, but we'd lived there for generations and that -- made it special." mm. "it doesn't exist any more, though." he shrugs and smiles faintly at alarian, a 'no big deal' look despite the gravity of the statement (and his tendency to drop loaded implications around alarian with such irreverence is getting to be a pattern, isn't it?)
but we were worried that you'd fallen in the river, or worse
but then you sent us back a letter, it said in capital letters
"THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU"
[Image: 8jSCQgn.png]
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Oh. His expression fell slightly. Thanks for that, Delight. He wished he knew what to say anyway, gaze trailing his friend's delicate features. Alarian really got the feeling he didn't want sympathy, though— call it a hunch. So instead he glanced away, back to the plants. There was a brief silence before his eyes found Delight again.
Y'know, He started, immediately aware he was about to say something he'd regret. I'm— despite... everything Your pack disbanding, Queenie being pregnant, half the pack being pissed about you two, —I'm glad you and Queenie came here. He didn't really mean the latter, but it sounded nice— and yeah, he definitely regretted this already. It was weird, and awkward, and uncalled for— and stupid.
Sometimes, Alarian tacked on with a slightly anxious grin, hoping to take the seriousness from his own admission; he had suddenly remembered that he wasn't really equipped for, uh, emoting.
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#12


haha he's totally a mood killer isn't he. he doesn't believe alarian but he wants to -- oh does he want to -- so he smiles anyway, trying to make his expression brighten, because he wants it to be true, so maybe if they're both willing to pretend it's true it's close enough. to this point he says, "i am too," and he does mean it -- well, sorta -- he likes being here, he likes alarian, it's just the despite everything. it's always the despite everything.

alarian's sometimes gets a half smile but no other acknowledgement. unlike his friend, delight is build for emoting. uncontrollable, unstoppable emoting. "i'm sorry," he says abruptly, sucking down a deep breath, "for, uh, y'know. all of it, and being kind of -- being -- i haven't been present. i feel like i'm a fog or something, it's hard to -- well. still. you've been great and i've been kinda shitty, is what i'm getting at, so." delight weakly smiles, but his moonsharp eyes are big and anxious, self loathing writ clear across his delicate face. it's not like it's untrue -- the other members of bracken have made their feelings about delight's presence pretty clear. and he knows, too, he's not himself, watching as if out of body as he floats through conversations, untethered. god he misses seabreeze or anatha or gracious or jomyo -- and okay, maybe he'd been a little spoiled by all the kind women in his life keeping him on track, and maybe he's overdue for this treatment, but still. it fucking hurts.
but we were worried that you'd fallen in the river, or worse
but then you sent us back a letter, it said in capital letters
"THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU"
[Image: 8jSCQgn.png]
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#13
He watched Delight's expression perhaps a bit too carefully— he wasn't sure what he expected. Somehow, he wasn't surprised to note that something seemed off even with his friend's smile. All he could assume was that he wasn't actually glad to be here— but he didn't have long to linger on the assumption.
Unexpectedly, Delight's apology caused his chest to tighten. He hadn't wanted an apology. His gaze dropped for a few beats; he hadn't wanted him to feel bad, either, and he didn't think he could watch it now. Really, as stupid as it sounded, all he wanted was Delight's friendship in the end. And now— 'in a fog', he said, and Alarian thought he knew what he meant, and now he felt horrible.
You don't have to apologize, Alarian started after several beats of silence, quiet and maybe a little emotional. He took another moment to reign in his own feelings; now was not the time. I kind of know what you mean— about a fog— and this— the way things are here; that's my fault. I put you in a bad position, at a bad time, and I'm sorry.
He had to pause again, glance down, because honestly this was difficult. Probably more difficult than it was worth— his gaze flitted back up to Delight. Yeah, no, worth it. Fuck. Take all the time you need, Delight. I haven't thought of you as shitty, and I won't. If— if there's anything I can do... He hoped there was, but he doubted it; the combination ached.
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#14


already he regrets sharing -- alarian's not supposed to be sorry he's a wreck. he's cursed to be surrounded by love and support, it seems. care that makes him want to dig deep into the center of the earth, until his paws meet lava and he burns up into ash. then maybe he wouldn't be such a burden on everyone else all of the time.

"no," he says, shaking his head, "you asked for a fair exchange. you have no reason to be sorry." there's a firm edge to his voice previously lacking -- because he will not let alarian walk away from this moment thinking he's got anything to do with delight's situation. as for his question.. he shakes his head again, softer, trying to smile but giving up quickly. "i gotta get through it on my own, i think," delight says, looking at his feet. "i will, though." probably.
but we were worried that you'd fallen in the river, or worse
but then you sent us back a letter, it said in capital letters
"THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU"
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#15
He found himself frustrated with Delight's response, and maybe a little hurt. A fair exchange. Was that all this was? An exchange? His gaze averted. It was too easy to pick it all apart, and Alarian loved the path of least resistance. Except— when he didn't.
Don't call it that, Alarian glanced back to him, finding something in his expression that softened what might have been biting words to anyone else. It's not— I don't care about any 'exchange'. You're my friend— I care about you. But that was too much, even now; especially now.
For once, he was rooted to the spot. No excuses came to him, no reason to slip away and leave his friend confused and probably uncomfortable. He took a slow, quiet breath. Best act like that was a totally normal thing for him to say, then. Um, that is— it's not a big deal. Don't, uh, worry about it,
That was absolutely not acting normal, Ali, what the fuck. He huffed out a half-exasperated sigh through his nose. Can we talk about something less... difficult? There was a dry sort of humor to his tone, but it was honest; if they kept going on this topic any longer, he might actually implode.
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#16


if delight knew what was frustrating alarian, he'd probably raise an eyebrow at the semantics -- of course they're friends, and of course it was an exchange. he holds these as two equal truths. but he's not about to argue with the governor about it, especially when he's trying to make things okay. so he nods, and accepts the kindness of the intent he offers, and even feels his expression brightening into something close to fond amusement when alarian starts to stumble over his words. 

he is cute, honestly. delight just doesn't have the space to reflect on it right now.

"okay," he says, both accepting alarian's condition and answering his question. "though i don't have much to talk abut right now," he adds, feeling his mouth curve into a half smile. mostly he's got: the babies, which feels off limits, and his depression, which is difficult. so he puts the onus on alarian. "tell me about the sanctuary," he says, a spark of his old historian flair. it's a start, anyway.
but we were worried that you'd fallen in the river, or worse
but then you sent us back a letter, it said in capital letters
"THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO CATCH YOU"
[Image: 8jSCQgn.png]
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#17
Someone would eventually need to clue Delight in on how much Alarian loved semantics; it could wait a bit, though. He was relieved when the other let the subject pass, ignoring the creeping sense of guilt— he knew well enough that it was selfish of him.
So he probably really deserved where his friend took the conversation next. His least favorite topic ever. Alarian smiled, and found it genuine, if only because he was kind of amused— at himself, at the situation. It wasn't really so bad, anyway. He figured a bad conversation topic with Delight was better than none at all. Most of the time.
Alright, uhhh— have I mentioned we're a Sanctuary? The smile turned playful, only lasting a few more beats before he decided to really answer the question. He was likely more vague than Delight wanted around many parts of it— particularly anything to do with Lennon's part in it. And he may have accidentally referred to him as 'that asshole' a few times. Oh well.