Sunset Valley I wish I didn't need you to explain

for @Taikon
set directly after this thread

She was silent as they crossed over the borders, the silence continuing long after they had faded in the distance. There were too many emotions swirling around inside her—anger, disappointment, resentment, surprise. She had never expected to be on Mahler's bad side for any reason, nor had she expected him to behave the way he had. The Mahler who was her friend would have been more reasonable and accepting of other's opinions. That was not the same Mahler that had given her an ultimatum and made her feel as though he didn't care what her decision was; she would not follow that Mahler and she would not risk her life for whatever pack he led. 

Even now, as they walked through the valley just north of the glacier, she found herself unable to speak. Most of her energy was spent fighting the tears that threatened. She refused to cry over someone who deserved nothing but her teeth, and that was the mantra she repeated in her head in rhythm with her steps as they put more space between them and the mountain.

You read my mind, I was literally about to put one up

The silence was necessary.
His heartbeat felt thick in his chest, as though the muscle was pumping tar through his veins. Anger pulsed through him. Disappointment. Anguish. Guilt.
Somehow, he had led her to this point. She was so upset. He could feel her body near him buzzing with a kind of hurt that he didn't completely understand. She had been with Sagtannet for a long time, and Diaspora before that. She had clearly known Mahler and Wylla well, and somehow a single interaction that he had catalyzed caused such a rift that he didn't think it could ever be repaired. He felt terrible. He knew that none of his actions were evidence that he was a bad person, yet he couldn't deny that once again, everything he touched had fallen apart. A toxin had spread from his life right into hers, and now she was drenched in it, and there were no words he could offer to comfort her.
Just like Cella, Takiyok became a vessel for all the bad things in his life. At least she was still alive. At least they were, somehow, unharmed.
The sloping terrain led them into a forest in the valley. The leaves had since dropped from the trees and the ground was coated in the dead and dying. As they walked, their footsteps crunched upon the sullen earth. Rabbits fled from the undergrowth, giving him an idea for what he might do for her later. He knew she likely wasn't hungry at that moment.
We should find shelter, he said, surprisingly calmly. In her moment of need, he needed to be a rock for her to find stability. Everything had turned upside down, and it was his fault.

:D i would have got it up last night, but i was tired <3

If only she had known how much he blamed himself for what had happened; she would have done her best to absolve him of that guilt. It was not his fault that Sagtannet had clearly been so unstable that one disagreement had torn it to pieces. If anyone was to blame, it was Mahler—he had made it this way; he had chosen his own selfish pride over logic and reason, and then he had forced her to leave. It had been her choice, obviously, but he had made it so there was no other option than to abandon him in his mess. 

She hadn't even been paying attention to where they were or how close they were to the glacier. It didn't matter, though, even the glacier, with all it's ghosts and bad memories, would be better than staying in Sagtannet one more second. She had been so consumed by her hurt and racing thoughts that his words seemed to pull her from a daze. She straightened up a little and attempted to collect herself. They were on their own now, and they couldn't afford for her fall apart. Okay, she managed to get out, the word sounding surprisingly steady. Whatever we come across first will be fine. The cold didn't bother her much, so anything that would shield them from curious strangers or other predators would do. 

After a few moments, she swallowed. I am sorry. Taki shook her head. I promised you a strong pack for the winter, but it seems they were anything but strong. She was not very interested in joining another pack just yet, and she had a feeling he would be just as opposed. So it seemed he was back where he was before she lead him into a mess.

For the moment, it was the focus on finding the next piece to their survival that filled his thoughts. Such a familiar, fixable anxiety was a welcome reprieve from the messy disaster that had been his trial at Sagtannet. Snows would come soon to the Valley, but the both of them were made of stuff that had seen many a harsh winter. Though survival on his own during the cold season was indeed difficult, and there were times he wasn't sure he would make it, it was hardly his first rodeo.
The refocus seemed to awaken her, and he nodded. They needed somewhere that had enough distance between everyone. Had he been alone, he might have considered heading for Rusalka, but he knew that Takiyok did not trust Rosalyn and her crew. To be honest, he was just about done with things too, quickly reverting to an overall avoidance of packs.
He really, really hated that he was right.
Then, Taki started to apologize. He shook his head, staring ahead of them while they walked on. It's not like you could have really known, and you didn't promise me anything, he said. I should be apologizing to you. If I'd just kept my fat mouth shut, you'd still have a home with your son, he said, glancing at the ground where her paws walked.
It had always been in his nature to push blame on himself. Everybody else seemed to have pack life figured out. She'd made it work for a very long time before he'd butt into things.

No, she quickly protested. Diaspora was a place that welcomed the opinions of everyone in the pack. Stigmata always took the wants of each pack member into account, even when she had thought it wasn't necessarily a good idea. How they reacted was unreasonable. That is not how things should be. And her former friend offering her such an ultimatum was not something she would have ever expected, yet here she was. 

Then, quietly, she added: No. I would not, when he mentioned she might still be home with her son. Stag is leaving with Wylla. Like she had feared and like she had told him—he was more loyal to the former Eisen than his mother, but she only blamed herself for that. So, I would have lost him anyway. She moved quickly forward, her gaze locked ahead. It was not something she wanted to discuss anymore. She couldn't bear to speak of it. 

They had started to hug the edge of the glacier, and she found she still knew the land well. Just ahead, there were places where ice met mountain, and if they continued in their direction, she knew they would find openings to a few small caves carved out of the rock. She looked over and lifted her head in the direction she wanted them to go. There will be somewhere for us to stay up there, she explained in case he was wondering.

When she explained that Diaspora welcomed opinions, he looked toward her, a bit surprised. For some reason, he had envisioned Diaspora as a typical, hierarchical, nobody gets to talk except the leaders kind of place. Perhaps it was because of their discussions before of her late husband that he had just assumed things had been rocky and awful in a similar way. It became clear that he was wrong, as she was very open to telling him that it wasn't his fault. It was Wylla and Mahler who had broken things apart. The way the pack had reacted was a symptom of the toxicity that the leaders had created.
And then the bombshell. Taikon blinked, looking ahead, knowing how much it hurt her to have Stag leave with that...woman. He wanted to be angry, but part of him was thankful. The distance between the mother and son might serve Taki better, for she would no longer be influenced by his shitty decisions. Maybe when they met again, he would have grown up a bit and they would have a better relationship for it. But the pain cut her deep, and he knew it. And he said nothing, swallowing a thick ball of tension as his throat dried up.
Sighing, he looked toward the glacier. She seemed to have the whole place mapped in her mind. He supposed he shouldn't have been surprised. She was often found wandering on her own, finding the right, quiet places to think. That had been how they met, after all.
Following her lead, they made their way toward the caves. He was exhausted. Emotionally everything weighed heavy on him. If.. He paused, gathering his thoughts further. We can talk about this more later, he knew she was even more exhausted. But if we decide to stick with just ourselves through winter, we'll be okay. It won't be like..
He thought of her. Sick. Alone. Dying. Crawling to Sagtannet's doorstep. We'll be okay.

He didn't say anymore about Stag, and she was grateful; she couldn't think about it and continue to focus on navigating the edge of the glacier. It as hard enough to look over the ice and not think about all the ways she had failed there too. She held his gaze as he spoke. He started and stopped as if not sure how to say what he wanted to tell her, and she studied his face after a quick glance to the ground in front of them. She knew what he was referring to—the last time she had been on her own. That had not been her proudest moment, and now the memory was taunted even further by her anger over what had happened with Mahler. Morbidly, she wondered if he would still offer to help her now if he found her on death's doorstep. Taikon's promise that they would be okay soothed the anger some. A grateful smile briefly curved her lips, and she nodded. I know, Taki told him. She knew they would be fine as long as they stayed together. 

The next part would require them to climb a little, and she heaved herself up on deft paws, appearing to have done this many times before. She turned to Taikon as she climbed a bit higher. It can be slick; be careful. It was partially why she had chosen this place—it would be difficult for anyone to find them, let alone sneak up on them. But, she did not want Taikon to get injured. It wasn't too much of a climb before the ground leveled out and they would find themselves standing in front of the opening of a small cave. She looked over at her friend. This will be safe, she assured him. Then she trotted inside and dropped to the ground. As he had suspected, she was exhausted. She could tell he was too. They just needed some rest, and then they could regroup and figure out what to do next.

Time jumping here so these bbs can sleep

A small, thin smile graced his mouth. He hoped that she really did know. He was willing to do everything in his power to take care of her, particularly while she sifted through her emotions and outrage. What she had just done was more than just a vote of confidence for him, it meant that she trusted him enough to see her through things, and that meant something.
Ok, he said, looking about him carefully at the icy ground. The glacier was unfamiliar terrain for him. Though just beneath it, a river source led over to Whitebark Stream, he had never bothered to venture up here. Having only looked at it from below, he understood why Takiyok had led them here without needing any real provocation. It was very sheltered. If they were to be sought after from Sagtannet members, they would not be found here. A few times, his foot slipped out under him. He had grown up on a mountain, but it was a southern mountain. Her northern feet carried her better on such ice, but he was careful not to twist an ankle. There was little room for mistakes now, for they only had each other to rely on.
He nodded to her when at last they reached a small cavern. His feet were already tired. His back ached and cracked more than it should have for his age simply because of the stress he had been carrying up the mountain. She dropped. Taikon followed suit, curling into a protective ball beside her. His thoughts buzzed cruelly for some time. He replayed the conversations of the hours before in his mind obsessively without wanting to. He flipped over and adjusted many times over the next several hours before at last, sleep took him.

---

The dawn was cold. Damp. He shivered, yawning, staring out at the landscape before him and having to remember why he was there. He looked over to Takiyok in a panic, worried that somehow she had vanished. She hadn't. They were still here. He breathed in a long breath, putting his head on his paws and releasing in a heavy sigh.

Sleep did not come to her easily either. She felt tired enough to pass out, but her mind wouldn't quiet down enough to let her. She could feel Taikon stir anxiously beside her, and she assumed his own mind would not allow him relief either. But eventually, he stilled and she could hear as his breathing became slow and steady; listening to it was almost peaceful, and it slowly pulled her into sleep, as well. 

But the peace did not follow her into her dreams; they were mostly flickers of emotions and faces of those she loved. It had all been a blur of pain and guilt until finally it all settled and she found herself standing within Diaspora. The land was lush and green and held none of the ruble it did now. In front of her stood Stigmata and all four of her children, only they were all adults. Mahler was there too. They all stared at her as if she had committed some terrible crime. There was judgement and disgust in each of their expressions, and she just stood there, unable to explain or change what had happened. But whatever had happened was fuzzy and unclear—all she knew was that she felt despair and remorse deep within her heart, and there was nothing she could to change things. And then the ground rumbled beneath their paws; it started out low and ominous, increasing in strength until they could barely keep themselves upright. A loud crack sounded through the air and the ground ripped apart in front of her. She watched as her family tumbled down into nothingness while she stood there, helpless and frozen. 

Then her eyes flew open, and she was staring at a sunlit patch of ground in front of her paws. It was quiet and cold, and when she lifted her head, she saw that Taikon still lay beside her. It had all been a nightmare, although her heart was much slower to realize that as it ached and beat against the walls of her chest. The cave was dimly lit, and she wasn't sure if he was awake yet. Taikon? she said quietly, not wanting to wake him if he was still asleep.

The mutual difficulty had blinded him. But when she called his name, he gasped. Quickly, easily, he moved to catch her in her disorientation. I'm here, he said softly.
Breathing in a sigh and unfurling himself from her body, Taikon stood up and walked toward the entryway. He sat down and glanced to her after a very long, extended moment when he breathed in the air from the glacial atmosphere. We need a plan, he said. He had part of one, and so before she could speak, he put his own ideas forward from his night of unrest. The good news is we have options. He paused, eying her. He was happy they were together. Weirdly, the seriousness of the situation seemed to melt a bit as he looked at her, a lopsided smile coming through.
You definitely have ideas too, so let's hear them. He said it swiftly, easily. He had no interest in playing the "I know everything" boy. He was far more interested in how she felt about anything than he did.
But it was early. They had been through a whole pile of garbage, and to be honest, he was hungry. Maybe she would just be hungry and angry too.

She wasn't even sure what she had meant to say if he did respond, but it didn't matter—he was already awake and she felt the support of his form against her the second she called out. The safety she felt in that moment was both comforting and terrifying; she had learned the hard way a long time ago that she could never completely count on anyone but herself. She was afraid to open herself up to pain that now felt inevitable. But she could really see no other way. And the truth of the matter was that she cared about what happened to him, especially now, and there was no way she would abandon him, even if she was scared of how much they would have to depend on each other. 

The shift of his body beside her brought her from her thoughts, and she watched him move to sit in the entrance of the cave. She nodded as he spoke—they did need a plan. They couldn't just wander around aimlessly in the middle of winter and expect to survive. They needed somewhere they could fortify with just the two of them. He spoke of options, and she was curious about what he had been thinking about. But he wanted to hear her ideas first, and so she obliged. 

We need to find somewhere we can protect without the backing of a pack, she told him. I have no interest in joining another pack right now, she continued. She couldn't scrounge up the energy to go through joining someone else and trying to prove herself. I do not think it is wise to stay on this side of the mountains. Her jaw tightened and she got up and took a seat next to him. I love the glacier, but I do not trust that Mahler will leave us in peace if he finds out where we are. She hated to place more space between her and Stag, wherever he was, but he had made his choice and so had she. As angry as she was with Wylla, she knew he would at least be safe with her. But there is another range of mountains to the west; we might be able to find something suitable there. She met his gaze then, raising a curious eyebrow. Unless you have something different in mind?

ty for the kudos btw <3

His nose twitched as he took in the smells from the morning. He thought about where to go, what to do, but Takiyok's thoughts echoed his.
"I have no interest in joining another pack right now," she said. Mm, he agreed quietly. It felt odd to have tried twice and have both attempts fail. Sagtannet seemed like a great opportunity to be closer to his friend and make something of himself. It had fallen apart so quickly, it seemed likely that he was cursed. Well, that or just horribly unlucky.
Taikon looked out toward the west, keeping one ear trained on her so he could still listen. He took a breath, exhaling fog. She was right. It seemed like putting more space between themselves and Sagtannet was a good idea. He saw the way that Star had looked at them when Mahler went bananas on him. There was no doubt in his mind that Mahler and the others would hold a grudge and potentially try to find them. He would not let them hurt her.
Taikon turned around and walked closer to her, sitting down. I agree; we need distance. We should travel past the Sunspires and find somewhere small, somewhere away from others, he said. I have a friend out that way. I'm not sure where she is, but she roams around a lot; she might be able to help us, Taikon explained, thinking of Lunaria. He wasn't sure if she was still hanging around with Macaria or not, but if they could find her, she would have a better idea of the packs in the area and people to avoid.
The journey would take days, but they would need to move before the real winter started to hit. Thankfully, it was still warm enough that they had plenty of time to get where they needed to be before the ice storms came.

He seemed to agree with her statement regarding joining another pack, which was reassuring, although, she wasn't really surprised. From their first meeting, he had made it apparent that he was wary of them, and then she had convinced him to join her at Sagtannet, and things had blown up in his face. 

He settled beside her, and she studied his face as he spoke, the way she had always done to visitors on her borders when she ruled over the glacier; she was looking for any hidden regret or resentment as Taikon suggested they travel towards Sunspire to place distance between them and Sagtannet. But she saw neither of those things. He seemed determined, maybe a little worried, but mostly just focused on how to survive. She liked that—it made her feel like they actually had a chance to survive on their own. He continued, telling Taki of his friend that may be able to guide them in the right direction and help them stay clear of any troublesome packs. The Saints were still out there, and it would be helpful to know if anyone else might give them trouble if they wandered too close. She knew the valley on the other side of the Sunspire well enough, so she would mull it over in her mind as they traveled to try and come up with a place to start looking. 

She drew in a deep breath and released it quietly, trying to calm the anxious energy pushing down on her chest. Then we can start there, she said when he was done. Where is the last place you saw your friend? she asked. That should be where they go next.

Taikon didn't know if Lunaria would be able to help them. He trusted her, more than perhaps he trusted anyone else other than Taki. In times like these, it was always best to rely only on what you knew, and what Taikon knew was that the raven woman would likely know somewhere they could head. Finding her would be its own task, especially since she was the type of woman to move around frequently.
Last time I saw her, she was at one of the Sunspire peaks, but she was usually around the flatlands on the other side of the mountains. Obviously we'll want to avoid the Saints, he said, assuming that they were still in the canyons as before. He had no idea they and the others of the Sunspires had left.
Other than Luna, he didn't have a lead on who he could trust. He felt that he had rather sullied his relationship with the members of Court after the crow boy had offered him a home and he had rejected it. Still, he knew that it would be better to head closer to the Hushed Willows than it would be to move toward Ursus. Who knew what had changed in the time he had spent in the north of the park.
Taikon looked at Takiyok. He knew that none of this was ideal. He wished that he could have a map of the entire park and where was safe and where they could go. But that just wasn't how anything worked. He knew they would be okay if they could just find safe passage through the mountains.

She was wary of spending too much time in Sunspire, but she knew they really didn't have many other options. If they ran into the Saints, then they would just have to figure it out. Obviously, they couldn't stay here, so the only way to solve this problem was to potentially invite other problems. She sighed, anger tightening her chest as she silently blamed Mahler for putting them in this situation. 

Well then, I guess we shouldn't waste time here, she told him, anxious energy tightening her muscles and making it so that she needed to do something other than sit here and talk about stuff. Her stomach churned and bile rose in her throat; her nerves always made her nauseous. She stood and shook out her coat. Are you hungry? she asked. We can find something on the way if you are. No need for him to go hungry just because she was too anxious to eat. It would become a common thing, she was sure. It had been why she was usually thinner when she had led Ikkanattuk—too busy and too anxious to eat very much. 

She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to exit so that she could follow. 

fade here and have something closer to or in sunspire?

Sounds good!

Takiyok resigned herself to their new goal. Immediately, she asked if he was hungry, and he shrugged and nodded lightly. We'll pick something up, he said. From his experiences as a lone wolf, he knew that eating, especially during stressful times, was important. Travelling often and far burned a lot of energy. They would need to support themselves, and hunting would only be easy for a short window in early winter before the harsh times hit. Without a pack to support them, he knew that they would need to take every opportunity they could.
Taikon stood as well and moved with a brief stretch toward the cave's entryway. Before he moved out, he glanced at her and gave a strained half-smile. He pushed close to her so that he could nudge her shoulder to reaffirm that they really would be okay.
He didn't say anything as they left the glacial cavern, heading down and away from the ice and from Sagtannet, quick to put distance between them and an old, broken life. Taikon resumed what had become his normal, pushing himself to look ahead to their future survival instead of lingering in the past. The moment they slowed down, he wouldn't be able to run from his thoughts anymore.
At least they were easier to swallow with her around.