Neverwinter Forest No one ever told me grief felt like fear

Seeing if maybe he would fit here :) if not he can be on his merry way orWhatever you all see fit!

  There was a cloud raining despair down on his head like a monsoon. Lily, Cam, Lana ... he had lost them, the weight of his loss reflected in the way he carried himself. He was no longer proud and strong in presence, instead merely a pebble that could be flicked away at a moments notice. Broken. It rang in his head.

Khali had entered into someone’s humble abode, his nose tickled a bit after the smell slapped him in the face. A small sneeze teased at him without actually giving him the satisfaction of following through with it. “Fuck” he muttered under his breath. The thought of someone actually accepting him after he abandoned his family made him upchuck a little.

This would be less than he deserved but a start to maybe finding his family or having some closure. A small howl left his lips to let the pack know he was in their presence.

He wished he'd found more in his previous adventures. With his free time, he was left dwelling on what wasn't found, and so he patrolled and fixed what markings the storm chewed away at. It was monotonous, but it kept him from getting into too much trouble.

The howl drew his attention, it was just ahead, so wouldn't take him long to arrive on the scene. A man was waiting. If Mal had met him in passing, he didn't remember now. It was a figment of a memory of a time he was happy to not revisit for many reasons. He was a stranger. You've arrived at Neverwinter Forest -- I'm Mal, what brings you past? Despite how he might have felt as of late, he was presentable here. The dark clouds that followed him would only be visible to those who knew him.

Khali waited, nervously shifting his feet before he heard paw steps in the distance. Quickly he gathered himself and pushed anything to the back of his mind. A man emerged from the distance. His coat was colored with shades of black and grey and silver. Peculiar markings that he’d never seen. 

  Khali watched him approach and listened as Mal greeted him. Neverwinter forest he repeated in his mind. “Hello Mal, this is a nice home you have.” he mustered out the words. This time he cleared his throat before talking, “ I am Khali, I have been traveling for a bit and caught the scent as I was at your borders. I came to ask for shelter if you would open your doors for me. If you see me fit I could stay a while.” . Khali sincerely hoped that he could stay a while, he was tired of being lonely.

if he hadn't made a vow to himself to stay more alert and on top of things following the revelation of simmik's kidnapping, he may have never stumbled upon this meet-and-greet. as it was, cam heeded the call, arriving shortly after mal—and just in time to hear the name 'khali,' and have his world fall out from beneath him.

head spinning, he slowed to a walk, like a drunkard in his unsteadiness, eyes fixed on the man. yes. . .the face was familiar. not overly so, but one that had lurked in the shadows of his mind for a very long time. a very primal, integral memory. he pulled up to a halt beside mal, though lingering a touch behind in deference to his leader.

it couldn't be—but it was. he knew deep down it was. 

where have you been? cam asked. though his voice was quiet as usual, an uncharacteristic rage simmered under each word, and affront twisted his features.

At the compliment, he bobbed his head slightly, Thank you. Even if at times things felt cursed. But he wasn't exactly sure if anything would change. Still, that was more in his own thoughts that he'd keep to himself. Too many ghosts. Do you have any major skills? With winter here, I need to know where everyone fits. And more. But it was a good start. He'd have more questions soon enough anyway.[/q] But one thing at a time.

But the way that Cam spoke quickly drew his attention.. It wasn't normal. He looked over, blinking a couple times. He didn't say any more, his glance from Cam to Khali and back was enough of one. This was a wrench.

Khali was about to reply to Mal about his skills when another had approached them. His ears flicked forward as he prepared a greeting.
This figure seemed oddly familiar and as he stepped forward his heart dropped into his stomach. A bulge formed in his throat as Cam spoke, “where have you been” . When he heard the voice all he could do was stare in disbelief. There was no way, it couldn’t be? Tears were building up and guilt struck down on him like lightning.

“C...C....Ca...Caam?” Khali choked the words out, he felt as though his throat was closing in on him. The world felt like it was spinning, his breathing was getting heavier as he flashed back to the last interaction with his family. “I... I..” he was struggling with his words, the biggest regret in his life was ever leaving Lily and his kids. Everyday he spent without them felt as though his heart was ripped out of his chest..

Khali could never forgive himself for leaving them.

it was confirmed, then, with the man's stammering greeting. cam tried to find some sense of empathy or kindness, but the part of his heart that had yearned for his father had iced over long ago. now he felt only contempt—or was it closer to ambivalence?

no, it was contempt. he was angry with khali for leaving; perhaps if he would have stuck around, he would be home, and elysium would be whole. even if mummy was dead, he'd still have his father. and though that would mean he'd have never found mal and neverwinter forest and his new life. . .he would have escaped so much of the strife of his childhood.

and to make matters worse, it seemed khali wasn't even able to explain the situation, to give cam the ability to walk away from this conversation before he said something he would regret.

he's my father, he explained to mal, emerald eyes flickering coldly between the two. he left the forest around the time my mother died. i haven't seen him since. he then aimed his stare directly at the man, trying to summon something, anything, that could suffice as a response.

where have you been?

Cam's father? Mal looked over and scrutinized the man a bit more closely. Yeah, uh, he didn't remember the guy at all. If he'd been around in Bracken Sanctuary then he really hadn't ever shown. As for Elysium, everyone there had ignored Mal and his sister, so not a big surprise. It wasn't exactly a good thing, either. 

On the other hand, Mal was, of course, very understanding when it came to fathers that were, well, less than perfect. Delight had been absent more figuratively than literally, but it was close enough. So he left at least part of the decision up to Cam, The decision's up to you in the end. No matter what decision it was, if Cam had a very strong opinion, that would be what Mal would consider final word.

Khali didn’t pay attention to anything other than Cam’s words around the time my mother died . The words came down like a hammer on his heart. “ THAT CANT BE TRUE! his voice was filled with fear and anger. This time the tears fell down his face. He couldn’t even look Cam in the eyes. The shame was just too much to handle. The world faded. No one in this life could compare to his Lily. 

  It was all too much at once, Cam unknowingly the place where he had come to seek a home and the news of his precious Lily passing. What had he done? Deep rage simmered inside of him. The sandy man turned swiftly on his feet and made an exit. It was familiar to him.. running from his problems without facing them. 

All he felt like doing was running, so he ran.

what happened next startled him beyond measure. he was about to tell mal to let him in, that they needed bodies to get simmik back. he would deal with the emotional strife as it came.

instead, a thunderbolt. "that can't be true!" lightning seared across his heart. his chest felt tight. his lips couldn't move, even when his father ran away.

just as cam had done. oh. so that was where he got it from. 

he stared, open mouthed, at the spot khali had just occupied. i thought he was there, cam said, voice devoid of. . .wait, no, here it came. tears burned, throat tightened. i thought he was there but he left. he left before. and no one was there for me —

not entirely true, but — i had to deal with it myself because no one was there for me. i saw her. she wouldn't wake up. she wouldn't wake up and i tried and oh god, there was so much blood and. . .

cam was openly sobbing now, his emotions wrenching all control, driving him into the ground. he wasn't even there! she was dead, and he was gone,  and i was alone! he didn't care! he didn't even come back to check!—

face contorted in wrath and woe alike, he scrabbled at the ground, at the snow and ice and dirt and pine needles underneath it. dead things. just like her. and khali should have died, too.

consumed by this mindless, physical expression of grief, he dug for a few moments longer before flinging himself down, muzzle to his paws, nose buried in the cold. hot tears should have sizzled upon the snow.

ziggy was right. it had been better to just believe their father was dead.

Of all the things that he was expecting to happen, to have Khali yell and scram was not one of them. Mal just stood there, blinking. Uhh. What happened?

And one could only imagine just how confusion Cam himself had. On top of whatever anger and other things that must have piled on him. He was explaining it as he went, in fact. Yeah, this was not ideal. Khali's presence (or lack thereof) was forgotten because Cam was more important. Cam -- Cam. He stepped towards him, leaning down to give him a light nudge to the shoulder. Now you're here. You're part of my family if you wanna be. Either way, you're not alone. I can't say I know what's wrong with him, and I can't change the past, but right now? Right now you're somewhere better. His brain fuzzed a bit, trying to figure out if there was something better to say, but until he saw Cam's reaction he wasn't sure which path to take.

he felt the nudging, heard the words, but none of it really registered for a while. not until he had given himself a little more time to cry (though he wanted to scream). he snuffled, swiping a forepaw across his runny nose, nodding along with what mal had said.

yeah. cam heaved himself up, feeling like a hundred years old. his eyes still glistened, tears on the verge. it turned the falling snowflakes into shimmering stars. that was pretty. he would focus on that for the time being.

i don't understand, he said quietly. i thought he would be happy to see me, even if. . .even though she's gone. but i— maybe he wanted to leave, anyway. lower lip trembling; he tightened his mouth, trying with everything he had not to break down again. i would have told you to let him stay. we need to get simmik back, after all.

yes. simmik. that was the priority right now. not his dead parent, not his better-off-dead parent. neverwinter forest. simmik. yes. the ones who had taken him in despite everything. who continued to take him in.

cam pressed his shoulder against mal's, a brief, gentle touch. thanks, he whispered, unable to summon much more than that, despite his overwhelming sense of gratitude for the man.

then he continued along his patrol, moving away from the alpha, simmik's name a mantra in his mind.

Mal wish he had answers. Or even just something reasonable to say beyond what he had, A lot of people just don't make sense, I think. If he's just shocked over that news, well.. maybe he'll come back and explain himself. But if not.. Well, we'll find others. And improve ourselves. Either way, we'll get Simmik back, it's not a question. And hopefully everyone else, too. He was getting nervous about Caerus having been gone when he got back, but it hadn't been that long yet... He was an adult now, so he should be kind of safe, but Mal was paranoid. Where'd he go? Either way, he wasn't going to bring that up now.

As Cam started to walk away, Mal gave him a light headbutt to his shoulder, You know where to find me if you need someone to talk to. But since he was already leaving, Mal wasn't going to metaphorically sit on him and force him to. That was a weird thing that had just happened, he could understand needing time alone to clear his head.