Sun Mote Copse Positively lost me

@Figment

Phox was juggling a lot of emotions and relationships right now, but there was one relationship in particular he hadn’t paid much attention to in the last few weeks. Niamh and Towhee had consumed his thoughts lately, but he hadn’t forgotten about his children. Prying himself away from the two adult women in his life, Phox went to track down his son, who was verging on adulthood now. That might have been a scary thought to some, but Phox had made a point to raise wolves, not pups. He had never coddled either of his children, and he really did feel like they had benefited from that.

The silvery black wolf made his way through the copse, passing between trees and keeping an eye, his ears, and his nose out for any signs of his younger doppelgänger. He hadn’t asked, but he hoped that the relationship between his two children had begun to mend. They certainly weren’t as close as they had been before, and he was reminded of his first reunion with Towhee. She had been terribly cold at first; some might even say cruel. Now, though, he and Towhee were once again inseparable. Perhaps his own children would come to that end eventually, too.

Phox stopped to sniff at the base of a tree, noting that it appeared to be the home of a fox. He stored that information, wondering if that would be a good candidate for Fennec’s eventual companion.

Fig had done his best to comfort @Towhee however he could. Bringing her food, bringing her random trinkets. He'd even brought her flowers once, though she'd been asleep at the time and he'd felt so stupid about it, he'd dropped them and bailed. He didn't know what else he could do to make her feel better, and it made him feel awful. He didn't like when those he loved were in pain like this. Not being able to help just made him feel useless, and he really hated to be useless.

That being said, he still didn't entirely understand why it bothered her so much. And if he was being honest, on some level, it bothered him that it did. Why did she need other kids anyway? Yeah, he thought it'd be cool to have new siblings or whatever, but they weren't necessary. He already had everything that was necessary. Didn't his parents? Was he not good enough? Apparently not since he couldn't figure out how to make her happy again...

Ugh... This sucked. And when things sucked, Fig did the only thing he could think of--go find "Dad?"

Figment paused a few feet away from his father, uncertain about interrupting him. It didn't seem like he was in the middle of anything important, but still. Requesting attention made him feel anxious, even if it was from his own family.

The familiar sound of footsteps pulled Phox away from the fox den, turning to face his son as he smiled. There was something about Figment's expression that seemed... off. Phox tried not to read too much into it, preferring to keep things as positive as possible for as long as possible. Besides, if there was something wrong, he was glad Figment had come to him for help, or guidance, or whatever it was he looked concerned about.

What's up, kiddo? he asked. His tone wasn't overly parental, but more friendly with a mild hint of curiosity.

I don't know who this kid is anymore lol

The moment he gained his father's attention was the very same moment he realized he wasn't certain what to say. What did he really want? He knew he wanted to understand in hopes of feeling less bad about things. He also knew he wanted to help. But how to put those things into words?

"What do I..." he started, then stopped and huffed awkwardly, uncertainly. He sensed that he ought to ease into the conversation to make it easier on both of them. He should be articulate in describing the way he felt, and calm. Sensible.

He should not behave exactly the way he was about to, at any rate. "She's so upset over this, Dad. And I don't get it. I want to help, but I don't know how. Like, I don't know what to say or what to do and I want her to feel better, but I just don't know how to make her feel better because I don't really get why she's so upset in the first place. It's like Fenny and I aren't enough, and I know that's not it, but I mean, I want more siblings because it sounds cool, but I don't need them. She acts like she needs them and I just... Why? Why does she need more? Why aren't we enough?"

Figment paused and sucked in a breath, shaking his head. It took him a moment to realize he wasn't just talking about how upset Towhee was over not being pregnant. It was more than that. It was how she'd escaped the Strath and left them behind. It was how she hadn't come find them at the Frosthawks (something he didn't even realize he resented). She was his mother, but lately she just acted like... Well, like his aunt.

It took him another moment to realize he was blinking away tears. Ashamed, he turned away, hoping Phox wouldn't see.

Phox listened as Figment spoke, the confusion and upset thick in his voice and body language. As the words tumbled out, Phox could only grow more worried, his brow wrinkling and his jaw clenching. Unlike his namesake, Phox tended to let wolves talk and talk to their heart's content while he waited and listened patiently. Don't ask me why he ended up like this; it's just the way it is.

The father took a moment to collect and digest what Figment had said, crossing off a list of things to not say. "You'll understand when you're older." "Towhee will get over it." "Just give it some time!" Instead, he searched for a little more wisdom from within, turning the words over in his head a few times before he came up with a better response. Unfortunately, he hadn't caught on to the underlying issue of Towhee escaping over the landslide, leaving the both of them behind.

You are enough. Towhee's upset, I think, because not having the choice is really hard, and she thought she still might. You and Fenton are her children, through-and-through, but making life is different from raising it, even if it's no less rewarding. Phox thought the raising part was even more rewarding than the making part, truth be told. The making part was fleeting, but the relationships he'd built with both Figment and Fennec were never-ending and always a work in progress.

Phox tried to reason with him, but Fig merely shook his head. Not that what he said wasn't perfectly reasonable, just that it didn't quite resolve the issue. Towhee had left them long before she'd realized she couldn't have any kids and really, that was the issue.

"Then why did she leave us behind?" Fig argued, feeling guilt bitterness slide red hot down his throat as he swallowed, "When we were trapped? She didn't even try to take us with her. She just left us there." He shook his head, hating how upset he was over this because he knew he was wrong to feel it. He just couldn't help it.

Oh. That. Hm. Phox tried to remember if there was a rhyme or reason as to why Towhee had done that. The time around Fennec's disappearance, the quakes, and Towhee's clamoring over the landslide were all pretty fuzzy in Phox's mind. On top of his being worried sick over Fennec, he'd also gotten a good knock on the head going after Towhee. He vaguely recalled being furious with her, but whatever negative feelings had once been there had washed away in the blurriness of the weeks afterward.

Phox realized this wasn't his question to answer. This was Towhee's question. Have you asked her? he countered. Phox didn't want to speak on Towhee's behalf, especially when he honestly didn't know the answer. I tried to stop her that day, but... she didn't hear me. Wasn't that always the way? Elfie was there, too. I don't remember if she said why she was leaving, but I wasn't exactly happy with how she'd gone about it.

Phox's question threw him off guard. It was such an obvious action for him to have taken, but the idea of it was just startling to Fig. Of course he hadn't asked her. If he asked her, then she would know he was upset with her. He couldn't just let her know he was upset with her, not when he was so convinced he didn't truly have any right to be.

He shook his head meekly and pricked his ears to listen as Phox continued. On another day, he might've smiled at his father's comment about Towhee not hearing him when he'd called, but he couldn't muster it in his melancholy. He was quiet for a few moments as he considered what Phox had said. It was a relief to know he wasn't alone in being upset about what she'd done, but it was obvious that he was alone in that he was still upset about it.

"How did you.. stop being mad?" Fig asked, frowning, "I don't want to be mad anymore, but I just am even though I know I shouldn't be. It doesn't feel right to be, but..." He trailed off, looking off into the trees miserably.

Well, that answered that. It seemed as though Fig was more comfortable asking through an indirect source than asking Towhee herself. Phox could probably assume why (Fig might be worried about making Towhee feel cornered), but he still thought that was the best way to go about it. If you want to know why, I think she’ll have to answer that.

Oh, you know, I fell down a mountain and got a concussion! Easy as pie! Phox couldn’t help himself, but he put on his serious face in the next breath. But really, it just didn’t feel worth spending energy on it. Whatever her reasons for leaving, I know that she loves me, you, and Figment more than anything else. She and I have been through so much together and apart, and one misstep doesn’t invalidate that.

He paused for a moment, then he realized that what he’d said before was even more solid than before. I think talking with her, even if it’s a little scary, would help you feel less mad about it.

Fig listened as his father answered, thoughtfully processing his options. He didn't much like the idea of falling down a mountain, though he was quick to realize Phox was just being facetious. He tried to smile at this, but it was just a small twitch of his lips. He found more promise in focusing on the latter part of his suggestion--about anger not being worth the energy and just trusting that Towhee loved them. That made sense, but still there was some small shred of doubt that didn't seem to want to let Fig be.

Fig was thoroughly frightened by the idea of actually talking to her about it. What would he say? What would she say? He didn't want to hurt her, no matter what happened between them. And he knew that telling her he was mad would hurt her. But he didn't want to hurt Phox's feelings either by rejecting the idea, so he merely nodded and continued to stare silently at his paws.

Whatever went through Figment's head, he didn't express it, leaving Phox to assume he was taking the advice to heart (or at least considering it as an option). The silence felt like the end of that part of their conversation, and Phox cleared his throat. What do you say we go round up some grub for the rest of the fam? Phox suggested. Maybe some physical activity would clear up any tension that was still in the air.

Figment was grateful that his father didn't push the matter further. He had nothing else to say, though plenty left to think about. He didn't know what he was going to do about his issues with Towhee, but he reflected that it had been silly of him to think he'd walk away from a single conversation with a solution. This was bigger than that. Though.. Damn, it would've been nice.

When Phox recommended they go hunting, Fig was happy for the distraction. He smiled and nodded, though he kept any additional comments to himself. He was content to merely stand and set off into the woods with his father, setting aside his troubles for later.