Bearclaw Valley they don’t know where they’ll go

so sorry this is so long and rough, it's just because i haven't wrote w her in quite a while so was trying to get back into her mindset and stufff

miniscule paws thread lightly through the night, carrying with them a lightly shivering dove. there is no real destination in mind, a desire to move all that propels her forth. since the return of her siblings, polaris had grown....distant. she does not know what to feel and it daunts her beyond words. everytime she glances upon zephyr's face her insides twist painfully and her eyes burn with the onslaught of conflicted emotions. there is a breathtaking relief that the wolf she undoubtedly still does and always would love, still lives and is home with them safe yet then they're chased away by shadowy tendrils of much uglier emotions. doubt...fear....upset and sometimes even, anger. for lainie's face would then float up out of the darkness and polaris would be unable to escape the haunted, paralyzing fear in the dark girl's eyes as she choked out what she'd had to experience. that their sibling, had killed another of their blood, a baby. even now the silver's breath hitches and her heart hits hard against her chest. how the rest of her family seemed to welcome them home without a heartbeat had her so lost, did it make her cruel that she could not help but hesitate against the natural want to feel happiness? 

so not knowing what else to do, the girl had chosen the coward's way out and avoided them completely; avoided everyone actually. she spent most her days outside the territory; finding a release in the discovering of new lands. it was a relieving reminder that despite everything that happened back home; the world spread forth with so much more and the heaviness that dragged her close to the earth as she skulked around the territory would lift once she escaped. her steps would have her almost floating as she sped nimbly over the free lands; no boundaries, no duties or responsibilties; nothing but her and the whole world. it left her breathless, the sheer idea that these mere paws could carry her forth to anything. what different types of land and wolves lay out there? it was a dizzying thought. yet fantasize as she did, the girl did love her family above it all and would still find herself returning to swiftcurrent without hesitation despite a growing dread as she neared the familiar borders.

all she could do was hope that with time, the air would grow lighter there too. so for now she continued to wander against her parent's wishes; the shuddering of the earth did indeed terrify her but at already half a year old; polaris refused to let it hinder her hunger to roam free. it wasn't like helios or zephyr had even tried to approach her and it had succeeded in bitterly reminding the girl that they still seemed to have a bond beyond her and lainie which had caused the initial anger; convincing her that they cared for no one else but them. their actions had no consequences in their eyes unless it concerned each other. 

so lost in thought about the familial issues she claimed to currently be escaping, the dove would halt with a start at the sound of..retching? accompanied quickly by a voice. ears leaned forward as she took tentative steps in their direction, uncertainty not standing a chance against her curiosity until she caught sight of a shadow of a boy and a pale girl. bolder now that she was aware that these were both wolves of similar aging to she, polaris ventured forward; skinny frame moving with a silent grace until she stood by the two. wrinkling her nose at the stentch to invade her nostrils, ears lean back slightly as the girl glances uneasily between the two. "i don't think so" she finally supplies softly to the other's enquiry. with a shaky inhale she dropped into a crouch, wispy tail swishing as she tried hard not to gag at the intensity of the smell. she really doesn't know what else to say as she observes the boy as close as she can without getting into his personal space. he reminds her a bit of zephyr with how fragile he seems which has her swallowing uneasily. "did something happen...?" is all she can think to ask, did he eat something weird? glancing helplessly back at the other girl, polaris leans back once more. she really feels quite out of her element yet bi-eyes lighten upon spotting the small feathered creature beyond. a soft smile passes fleetingly over her jaws as the tip of her tail gives a curious wag; it was rare for birds to venture out at night and it watched them all with such a sharp intelligence that left her feeling both taken aback and comforted at the same time. yet she's quick to avert her gaze with the sudden worry that the other's might see it as a food opportunity, she didn't want to get off on the wrong paw with them but not a chance would she stand for that.