Silverlight Terrace but your so far away

He had gone on, trying to push the conversation forward. Trying to snuff whatever stirred up emotion burned in his chest like a bad gut feeling. A feeling that made your hair prickle and your paws sweat. He thought of what he might add next, what she might suggest he do in order to gain Hydra's favor, whatever judgement she might fit him with. He didnt know. He was lost in all this with a desperate need to find the final part of stability he was lacking in life. The final piece that would make him 100% a free man from the life he once led. 

But Kukutux mind was lost elsewhere, focused on that one exact question that had blurted from the Greek wolf's maw. 

Her eyes shot up at him with a directness he couldnt remember her ever giving him before. He was struck, like a deer in headlights. Though he stammers at first, he would not object her. She had only and ever been true to him, even when it hurt to do so and he should offer her only the same curtsey in return. 

To know... That if I were to do this, be betrothed, that it would be possible to find happiness with someone that way. To find love in someone who you were paired by another's choosing. And he should have stopped there. It was the truth and it could have saved them a whole lot of trouble but equally it was not the whole truth. And because your my friend and I want you happy. I would want the one your with to love you and you love them. His eyes are the ones to fall this time, landing somewhere to the ground between their front paws. Because I care about you...alot... 

And then he began to speak alot again, word vomiting in order to try and make this better but likely to only make it worse. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'd never want to compromise you and your mate's life together. I know you must have worked hard on it. I mean, maybe what happened with Ruo just stirred up a lot of emotions I'd been smothering because I know these feelings are wrong. It hurts, I hurt... I never knew what Ruo wanted, for us...and after she got pregnant, it's like her walls went up and I couldn't scale them. And your so kind to me, honest, you tell me how you feel. Your what I hoped... Hoped that Ruo would have been for him, to toss down her walls, if only for him but...

His head falls low between his legs, gingered ears back as he turns his head away to the side from her. I'd never want to hurt our friendship. I'm sorry.