Wapun Meadow through it all

tagging @Valette @Piper and @Marten for visibility :) I think Laurel will take the body to EH after this, but I'll tag you guys in a thread if she does <3

private for @Xan please!

It was going to be a tough winter. Laurel had searched but the prey was not abundant. She found herself wishing that she had learned more practical skill, but it was not to be. She found herself wishing many a thing throughout her life, but it seemed that she never really got any of those things; any of what she wanted. Any of what she needed. Only more strife and emptiness, until she could not take any more; and then, some more.

A shaky breath drew into the crisp morning air as she made her way into the field. @Indra had not returned the day before. Their relations had been rocky ever since the latest litter. Laurel liked to think that Indra cared, but at times she just thought that her sister was jealous that she got to rear another litter. They may not be.. perfect.. but they were hers, and Laurel so desperately wanted to believe they could be something good. They could be. They had to be.

Yet through all of their disagreements over Louie, Riley and Charles there was still the bond that pulled them through; the one that had been forged from when they'd been abducted by Reek at a young age, from when they were ditched for a new set of children... Through all of it, they had been together, always, and that's how it would be. When they were old, they would sit and reminisce the days and be grateful that they had each other. Laurel did not know how long it would be 'til her children would abandon her, but that day would surely come, and then, she would still have Indra through it all.

Everybody left, but not Indra.

Never Indra.

The earth was cold beneath her toes as she tread forward, sniffing the crisp air to try and find any sign of her sister. She found none, though she found the scent trail of a doe. Laurel followed it, figuring that she might be able to bring some meat home; but at some point the trail became vague until she saw a ruddy patch among the meadow's lands. Ears perked forward curiously and she could not help but think of Indra immediately. Was her sister out hunting this doe and had she taken a break..? She frowned with worry, but pushed it away as she neared. Maybe it was something else.

Indra..? she asked carefully, her words gentle but trembling with fear, as she approached the ruddy shape, closer and closer, her heart beating faster and faster.

There was a twinge of pain from deep within his gut, a stabbing hunger settling where sustenance was absent. How long had it been since he’d been turned away from his sister’s pack? Since he’d last seen those few that he still knew? It was before the tremors started, before the prey had vanished. A large part of him still wanted to return, to try again to right things, even after the failure he’d been awarded for his last attempt. He lingered in the area for that reason, refusing to leave even when the earth itself tried to chase him out; he remained, though a coward he’d turned.

Something akin to the scent of a deer crossed his path, the temptation irresistible. He trailed after it, uncertain if the smell was real or simply a figment of his imagination—a lonesome, hungry mind could be the most convincing, after all, but he’d made himself the fool so often already that the thought of doing it yet again just seemed right. And a fool he was made once more, unable to follow the scent to fruition; he backtracked and searched, altering his course, but there was nothing to find.

Nothing that he was expecting.

Then he caught wind of another wolf—it was familiar and triggered feelings that he couldn’t quite comprehend, but absent enough that he couldn’t exactly place it. Despite this, Alexander followed it, pace increasing right before coming to a sudden, dead stop. Because across the meadow, he saw someone he knew, someone he’d wanted to see again for what felt like a lifetime but she was there for another reason. He followed her gaze, finding the same distortion in the field, and his stomach twisted; while he couldn’t make out what it was, there was a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that it wasn’t good. Swallowing hard, he padded forward, his own gaze now trained on the lump and his heart rate increasing with each step.

.. I-Indra? Her mouth felt dry and time seemed to stop as she put paw in front of paw, her heart thudding in her chest. It was as if everything went in slow motion, every move she made, and the world around her was completely still at the same time. There was a frown on her face, but she did not want to make the bad assumptions. She wanted to think that this wasn't Indra. Indra was just on her way home through another route. She was fine. This was someone else -- something else, perhaps, even -- and it wasn't... It couldn't be...

Alright, so it was Indra who was laying there, but she wasn't dead. She was just resting. She was taking a breather, a break from the chase, and now the two sisters could continue the search with the pair of them. They would hunt together, and Laurel would make up for all of Indra's flaws, just like she always did.

Indra? You've gotta wake up, Laurel said as she approached, ears folded back and her hackles pricked. She didn't want to admit that there might be another truth to it. She didn't want to. Couldn't. This couldn't be real. A whine escaped her throat and she leaned down to sniff Indra's body. She recoiled at the smell of death about it, ears folded back and tail puffing up, and then she just stood there next to her sister's body and stared at it, her legs shaking and teeth grinding while she fell apart slowly on the inside.

His pace quickened and then slowed, then ceased entirely as his legs stiffened and refused another step. The mound of earth acquired features he could not ignore, the closer he got. What he could previously assume was just his eyes playing tricks on him with the help of shadows and light turned into a coat of fur, ruddy in colour. What was a distortion of the ground just moments ago took shape into something—someone—he would always recognise; those smaller lumps of mud became ears, limbs, a face. “Indra…?” he whispered, trying simultaneously to convince himself otherwise. But he knew deep down, even before getting a closer look, that it was Indra. Everything matched, every detail undeniable. All that was missing was the steady rise and fall of her sides, her lively stare, her life—

What happened?

Alexander was numb as he approached, not even able to tell that he was moving again until he was suddenly standing before the living sister, eyes locked on the fallen. Closer now he could smell it, the scent of death clinging mercilessly to her body—his friend’s body. “Laurel,” was all he managed to choke out, now staring at her. He wanted to ask what had happened, who had taken her, but knew she wasn’t the one to ask. But was there anyone? Had anyone seen? Why hadn’t anyone helped her? He was absorbed by all these questions, grasping for any reasoning his brain could concoct and supply him with, but none of it was enough. None of it would ever be enough.

The pounding in his chest migrated up to his head without any resistance, deafening and hurtful—but maybe he deserved it, for not being there to protect her, to prevent this. It was as if he’d drifted into a state of unconsciousness, absent in mind and running off of autopilot. He didn’t notice that he was shaking, couldn’t feel the tremble in his legs or the warm wetness seeping from his eyes. Another friend, gone. Another one he couldn’t protect. He sought the only one that still remained, the last one he had—and reached forward to touch her, seeking reassurance that she was still there, she was still alive, and offering what comfort he could provide.

Laurel stood and stared in agonising silence for a good while. She willed things to be different so badly, but she also knew that there wasn't a thing she could truly do to change things right now. All she could do was what she had always done; pack up and move on. She frowned, wanting nothing more than to run away, but also knowing that she needed to take care of her children. She could not just leave them, could she? But then, what had they done for her? What were they but stark reminders of what that brute had done to her, the one who had further torn apart a broken life, a broken wolf. Were they truly more than that? Were they truly worth all the love that she gave them? Or was Indra right all along, and were they abominations worth nothing more than death?

Silence ruled through the lands while her head was in a chaos. Upon the voice, Laurel sharply inclined her head to look at him. Him. Looking for someone to blame for all of this, it was easy enough for Laurel to take a step towards him and huff: You It was clear from her voice there was no friendly intent there. Indra was dead and Laurel needed someone to blame. How convenient for Xan to come along at the most inconvenient time in her life, like he always did.

You did this, she stated. Not a question. Just a fact. He must have. Discontent that he was chased away from Easthollow. She'd seen the way Indra recoiled from him at the borders, the way she had been scared. The way that Laurel had been scared, once. Only once. Had he done the same unthinkable things to Indra that had been done onto her? And had he then taken her life away from her? Or had he simply taken Indra's life to get what he wanted, because Xan always needed to get what he wanted, didn't he?

Between gritted teeth, Laurel hissed: Why?! Why did you take her? She never hurt anyone! Her rage was building up by the second as reality started to set in, and he was the only one nearby to blame.

When he gained her attention he was immediately taken aback, the accusatory tone like a slap to the face. When she took a step forward he took a step back, confused and uncertain; what had he done now? Why could he never manage to reach her? Especially now, especially with Indra absent before them, he wanted nothing more than to reach for her; perhaps it was selfishly driven, seeking to comfort her so that he could also comfort himself. Despite everything, despite everything they’d gone through, not a day had gone by when he hadn’t considered Indra a friend—at times, perhaps his only friend, too, as he ruined himself more and more each day.

Maybe that was why Laurel’s words were such a harsh blow. Maybe that was the reasoning for the hurt he felt, mentally and physically, when accused of being the cause of her demise.

“I didn’t—I—” How could she think that? How could she think he’d done this? He retreated another step, head low and ears pulled back. He didn’t do this, he wasn’t the cause for her death—was he? Wasn’t this what always happened, though? He cared for someone and then they died. It had happened before—multiple times—who was to say this wasn’t the result of it happening again? “No…” he uttered, shaking his head but refusing to look at her. “I didn’t do… this… I—I cared about her, I would never—never hurt her.” Not like this. Never like this. This was awful. This wasn’t something he was capable of. Xan wasn’t a killer, he never had been. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t even fathom it.

“Indra is why I was back—Indra—Indra—” Finding the words were difficult, stumbling repeatedly, still trying to process what happened. Indra wasn’t there anymore, she would never be around again. “Indra told me to fix things and this… no—no. I didn’t do this, I…” He loved her, in his own way. Much like a brother loves his sister, he cared for her as deeply, even if it was only one-sided. She helped him when no one else would or could, she drove him to keep trying—she deserved better than this end.

He stumbled over word after word, lies pouring from his mouth like an uncontrollable waterfall. Laurel would have none of it, for she needed someone to have done this. Someone tangible, someone that she could hurt back. She was done with being hurt by the world, done with being kicked around as if she didn't matter. She needed someone to blame, she needed it to be someone's fault. And he was here. He was here, coincidentally, easily, stammering words and being the perfect scapegoat. Laurel didn't think she needed comfort -- she just needed someone's throat to tear out of their body. Preferably someone who wouldn't fight back too harshly, for she had never been a strong physical fighter.

Somehow the words he spoke hurt even more, for they were not only a reminder that he cared more about Indra than about Laurel -- he'd never returned for her, never for her, always the prettier, better, sweeter sister -- and a stark reminder that she was dead with every mention of her name. How could you! Laurel screamed loudly at him, her body shaking as she took a dangerous step towards him, tail flagging above her back and head erect.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHH! she screamed at the top of her lungs as she lunged towards Xan, but by the time she reached him she had no strength left. All she could do was fall into him - body shaking - teeth bared against his fur but doing no damage - her body slumped against his side as all strength left her. She was tired. So tired. She didn't know if she could go on any longer. She wanted to kill Xan, but all power to do so left her as she whispered into his fur: I hate you.

Even when she screamed, he didn’t dare move. He couldn’t. Cemented to the very spot he stopped in, he stood against her shouts, not moving even when she took a step towards him. A posture that would typically make his blood boil only made him hang his head, ears back and gaze averted. He was not the guilty one here, he would never hurt Indra, and yet—and yet he was the one blamed, the one to receive her anger. And he knew he deserved it. He knew this was just, even if he wasn’t the killer. And for that reason, he couldn’t physically defend himself. He left himself open to whatever she saw fit, knowing damn well he wouldn’t be able to stand against her, no matter the circumstances.

Another scream, and then a lunge. He drew in a breath and closed his eyes, waiting for impact, for the piercing sting of teeth driven deep into his flesh—but all he felt was a weight against his own body, warm breath against his skin. Slowly, he blinked his eyes open and stole a glance at her, relaxing against the contact. And when she whispered into his fur, proclaiming her hatred, his body slumped forward and he uttered a quiet, “I know.” It hurt him to hear her say it, even though he expected it. But he deserved it, he knew he did. There was not a single moment to pass between them that he didn’t cause her grief, not a single moment that would even out the scales after all he put her and her sister through.

Knowing all the pain he caused wasn’t enough to silence him, though. Not when he could still hear Indra’s voice in the back of his head, could still hear her telling him to make things right. That wasn’t something he knew how to do, not something he could figure out. But he had words in his head, in his heart, that screamed to be let out, and he… well, he was weak. “I love you,” he said, his own voice hardly anything more than a whisper. “You can hate me forever. You can blame me for this if it helps you heal. But I… I’m going to keep feeling this way.” If hating him was what would fix things, then so be it. Whatever she needed to get through this, whatever made her feel better—he would swallow his own feelings, for her.

I'm sorry for my delay! I didn't want to give you anything half-assed. <3

Teeth scraped against white fur but no harm was done as she tried her best to attack him but found herself utterly destroyed instead. Oh, Indra — How could you leave me?! Laurel was infuriated with her sister and with Xan and with the world. His words only fueled her rage further. I love you?! Laurel flinched, her rage and screams subsiding. One might think she calmed down, but every muscle in her body was stiff and on edge, ready to react. She was far from calm.

You can hate me forever. What a strange thing to say. Laurel didn't understand it at all. Why would anyone want anyone to hate them forever? You can blame me if it helps you heal. She hated all of it, because it implied that she was unreasonable but that he would let her be unreasonable anyway if that's what she wanted. She hated how it implicitly blamed her for all sorts of things. Laurel screamed furiously once more as she suddenly shouted: Don't touch me!! and leaped away from him, back to Indra's side. Relief washed over her as the physical touch ended, for it had seemed to take forever, even though she was the one to initiate it. But not for the ways he had twisted it. He had twisted it to be about love when it had been about violence and death initially. No, that wasn't what she wanted. Love... What a fool's belief. She had believed it once, but she had been trampled.

Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice...

I love you?! I'm supposed to fall for that? Laurel snapped at him. Maybe your other side-bitches still fall for that crap, but I'm done with it. If you ever loved me, you sure have a funny way of showing it.

Without any further acknowledgement, Laurel moved towards Indra and started to clumsily grab her sister's body, trying to get a grip on it so she could drag it back home and away from the man who had torn her heart to shreds.

Rigid ran her body, a quietness overtaking her than he wondered if he should embrace or fear. He wanted to reach out to her, and every fiber of his being urged him to do so, but he was stopped by her screams and shouts—don’t touch me! There was an empty space thereafter, a brush of cold air against where she previously stood. “I’m sorry,” he croaked, even though all he wanted was to reach out and pull her back to him. He wanted to invite her closer, to hold her and offer what support he could—he wanted to honour what little belief Indra once had in him, that he might be able to right things.

She snapped again and his own body stiffened, a man turned to stone. “I’m not lying to you,” he insisted, pleading. “There is no one else, there’s no one on the side. There’s only you.” She was the only one he sought after, previous loves lost or abandoned; he couldn’t remember when it began, when he stopped pursuing others, but now it was unavoidable. Like a virus, it lingered, unable to be killed off by any sort of intrusions into the system—perhaps time would ease it away from him but even that he doubted, any willingness to let go absent.

Alexander watched as she moved further away, returning to her sister’s side instead. He took a shaky step towards her and said, “Let me help.” He couldn’t stand the thought of leaving her there out in the open any more than he was sure Laurel did—it wasn’t right, she deserved better. “Please, let me help.”

Laurel wouldn't hear any of it, especially not now. He continued to say there were no others, only her. Why? Why did he have to take so long to make it right? Why couldn't he have decided this years ago, when she needed him, when she loved him? Laurel looked at him with shimmering eyes for but a moment before they hardened and she released Indra's scruff to snap at him.

I don't need your help! I hate you! Fuck off! With hurt in her eyes she grabbed Indra again and continued to struggle, set on doing this alone.

i would love a new thread set more recently with a slightly more rational Laurel, if you're up for it <3

The snapping of her jaws forced him to take a step back, avoiding her grasp; part of him wished she would have attacked, though—he certainly deserved it. But instead, she only shouted—she said she hated him and he didn’t doubt her. He knew he deserved her hatred, that he was a fool to think she might ever forgive him, but that didn’t make not trying any easier. Because at the end of the day, he meant what he said—he truly did love her.

But damage was done, pain caused and lingering. And all he could do was stare after her, ears pinned back and heart hurting, as she dragged Indra away.