Phoenix Maplewood there is a girl in the lobby of a cheap hotel

backdated about a day or so! for @Lainie
wotd;divagate

 

it is absurd to think that only weeks ago had she roamed around these parts alongside west with bliss tickled eyes and a lightly dancing heart. so different now to the weariness that had taken up permanent residence in the depths of her bones and the consistent pressure on her chest as if paws were planted there with iron force. at least it's nearly time to go home, having decided she'd make the trip back to the protective embrace of verdant easthollow with its everlasting sentries of ethereal stone; she missed it all dreadfully now and she could only hope that west and valette would bear no ill will towards her for her sudden disappearance...and that they wouldn't mind her coming home with a little shadow to add to the ranks. she hadn't even let herself consider the posibility of them turning away alsek and therefore her, for there was no reality in which polaris would allow the blackbird to be handed back to the world's cruel mercy. 

her shoulder leans heavily against the firm trunk by her side, eyes drifting lazily across the ever shifting floor. dapples of criss crossed light making mesmerizing patterns that grew more and more bleary with each heavy blink. even the lilts of joyous birdsong and rustling leaves seemed muted as her mind stuggled against the welcoming tendrils of sleep tickling at her conscience. 

but no...she cannot, not yet and giving her head the roughest of shakes to jolt some life into her weary soul, she would start with surprise at the sticky pull making it difficult to tug free from the trunk. ripping away, she'd turn and glare reproachfully at the innocent tree limb, frowning as she prowled closer to the glistening substance. "what the..." wrinkling her nose, she'd lean closer still with an experimental sniff; releasing a pleasantly surprised huff at the sweet aroma tugging her in. tilting her head now, a salmon tongue would snake forth to lick at the sticky substance and oh!! 

it is like nothing she's ever tried before!

it bathes her tongue in heavenly bliss and coats her throat with sweet symphonies, eyes half lidded with delight as she laps greedily at it again. so different to what she is used to, her stomach lurches a little uneasily at something so pungent after being so used to the bland palette of meat and water but she greedily licks on. shamelessly glad to be able to let her mind divagate from the world of heavily pressing topics and rather wholly indulge in this sweet ebullience coating her mouth.

Hollow.

That's how she felt. There wasn't any sleep for her because her dreams were plagued with Zephyr gnashing his teeth, Maman falling into dirt with imagined screams and now they were filled with her father. He didn't yell at her or scream out, but he greeted her with warmth like always and every time as she was about to press herself to his fur she'd be dragged away by some invisible force screaming for that one last hug. Once more she was a wisp of a thing getting thinner and thinner because Dart had never returned at all leaving her without news of Abaddon or a helper to seek out prey easier. Even if food had been dropped in front of her she didn't think she'd eat, she was starting to realise that the longer she went without eating the more she slept and the nightmares were worth the glimpse she caught of Papa every so often when her subconscious favored her. 

That's what she'd been doing under the shadey shelter of some brush and a fallen tree that she'd taken to sleeping under, nowhere to go and unable to walk away from the place she'd last seen her father. He was there in the dream but the voice that came from his maw to greet her was wrong and she snapped awake gasping and scrambling up clumsily and with trouble to stand bristling and at instant defense "I'll hurt yo-" she started to threaten before catching sight of the she wolf heart lurching into her throat. Fur like snow, grey shoulders that darkened a little further down, grey tail tip...when she turned around she'd know but for now Lainie stared her tail drooped at her hinds emerald orbs going wide as she didn't dare breath. 
 

"i'll hurt yo-"

she startles from her sweet find at the outburst, pelt prickling as her mind raced straight to alsek at the threat of hostility seething behind her. however when her figure concludes the speedy 360 turn to face the sudden threat, arched back fell slack whilst narrowed eyes grew comically wide in her utter shock. she could almost swoon at the jarring palpitations of her agitated heart, how had she gone from blissfully drinking at luscious sap to thinking she were about to be attacked to blinking right into the face of her missing sister in a matter of seconds. this cannot be real, her unco find was surely sinking cruel claws into her tender mind now and drawing up uncannily realistic hallucinations.

yet even as she considers it she knows deep down it is not true and that it is a solid figure standing before her and under the scent of the wilderness she could make out the familiar musk that was- "lainie" she breathed, finishing the train of thought aloud on a shaky exhale. despite already knowing of her sister's living status thanks to valette, it is still achingly remarkable to see her standing before her, living rather than crushed under nefarious rock. something racks free from her constricting chest, sounding like a warped mixture of both a sob and a laugh as she spluttered "lainie!"

and without waiting for any sort of invitation, she'd throw herself into a tenderly ferocious embrace with the night kissed girl; eyes squeezed shut as she tried to discard anything else in the entire world except for the feeling of her sister's hairs tickling at her nose as eyes burned with taunting mist.

The eyes. Two colors. A shiver ran down her spine and her eyes slowly fell to the ground unable to belief as she fought back a wave of agony. If this wasn't real she was sure she'd never wake up again. Her eyes roamed back up as she heard one of the voices that she'd been willing to do anything to hear again, just as sweet as she remembered. The fractured pieces of her heart stung as her tail swayed at her hinds unable to move because she was afraid that she'd be pulled away just like with Papa in her dreams. Luckily it came again, sounding choked but joyous and tears sprung into her eyes as Polaris leaped forward and she pressed with everything she had into her sister fur beginning to sob and simultaneously breath in the familiar scent. It was real...this was all real. "Po" she couldn't speak and cried a little more before sniffling rather loud and pulling back to stare with eyes renewed with light sparkling through tears "I love you, I missed you" she didn't want to say anything else, not a single thing else mattered right then. 

the first hitched sob, the first jerk of those familiar shoulders seemed to loosen something in the tight grasp of polaris' own chest as a quiet whimper trilled forth, wet cheeks burying fast into the scent of lainie. she let it embrace her, let it croon and whisper sweet memories of blissful safety; the humming gurgle of the creek, little insects buzzing and birds singing sweet symphonies, papa's merry laugh as one of them did something rather foolish- oh, papa. did she know? she lingered rather close to the borders he'd passed on within and she knew they'd been aware of each other's presence. oh how she selfishly hoped her sister had already gained access to such terrible knowledge for she feared herself unable to deliver such bladed words. her train of thought is derailed by the trembled uttering of the nickname only lainie ever called her, heart lurching with terrible force as fresh tears welled up within glossy eyes. 

it grew in intensity until the two sisters were left to silently weep within their crushing embrace, so terrified to let go lest the world come knocking for another tonrar soul to quench its insatiable hunger. she is not quite sure how long passes by, time unmoved by the emotional mess tangled before it as it prowled languidly forth..always ticking away with each beat of their fragile hearts. she finally manages to choke a hoarse response, pulling back just enough to gaze upon the familiar gleam of her sibling's emerald kissed gaze. so similar to that of their father's that she almost let lids fall protectively shut once more, but no it is with fierce intensity that she presses her lustrous look to lainie as she whispered "for so, so long i thought you were all dead, that the mountain had stolen everyone from me. it wasn't until i joined easthollow, apparently mere days after you'd left that i found out from valette that you and..." no she couldn't, just could not bring herself to voice and recall the unabashed hope to have blossomed in her soul upon hearing that both lainie and papa were alive, only for her father to be stolen from her again before she could even have looked upon his face once more. he might as well have died in those mountains, in fact it would possibly have been easier than the guilt she now carried upon slender shoulders. 

clutching desperately to what obstinacy remained, she'd push through the breath taking pain to continue "..that you were alive. i left at once to find everyone but only had time to meet zephyr again before returning..oh lainie i've missed you more than words could ever express! i love you so much too" she despises how such a reunion must be tainted by such bitterly engraved melancholy, had this been only weeks prior she would be rejoicing that her whole family was in fact alive as zephyr had informed her but now...the very shadows seemed to sneer and snigger at their situation. for they stood inflicted with fresh wounds that ran terribly deep and no joy at finding each other again could truly remedy what lay broken within. she trembled against the familar figure of her sister despite the warm touch of the midday air.

Nothing existed aside from two sisters for so long lost now held tightly, latched together by both joy and grief. Once Polaris pulled away she held just as tightly to her gaze listening as she told a story similar, so similar except that the Easthollian leader hadn't given her hope but a temporary home to rest her head in before she'd moved on unable to accept not knowing where her family was. She smiled though inside she felt...bitter. Polaris deserved the easy path, the good news to lead with hope. It was her own mistakes in life that made her suffer so much....appalled at her own feelings she swallowed them down as Polaris paused and she nodded. It was all she could do for her throat tightened as she learned that Polaris had even seen Zephyr but...she didn't mention Papa. In that moment it felt like the entire world was upon her shoulders "I know Valette. She let me stay when I found out...that the place me and Papa were in was gone. Last time I saw Zephyr he chased me off in a rainstorm" she murmured the words trying to prevent the rest welling up but the words tumbled numbly from her lips, emerald pools searching her sister's as she asked "Did you ever find Papa?" if she did she'd understand why the words cracked violently and she turned blinking away tears and sniffling hard before returning to look back,  If not she'd see it on her face, the lack of knowledge and the hope he was alive.  

crappy phone post I'm sorry!

a minute nod at her confirmation about knowing valette, eyes fixed upon her sister with unwavering lustre as if she feared the slightest slip of her look would result in the girl faltering and disappearing from sight like a cruel hologram. she stifles the wince at the 'papa' to breach the air and assault the tremble of her ears, still unable to come to terms with having to hear such a title knowing that it would never be used to address him ever again. but as she swallows against the familiarity of that lump forming in her throat, brows furrow at her mention of zephyr. chased her off into a rainstorm?? that couldn't be....she was well aware that zephyr could fall victim to blustery storms of emotion but he'd been so glad to see polaris, surely no bad day could've made him ungrateful to see lainie? however it is doomed to remain a dumbfounded speculation as the forming questions in relation to their meet up are utterly derailed by the question lainie manages to pose first. 

"Did you ever find Papa?"

it seems to echo from every nook and cranny located within the tightly knit trees, chorused by a plethora of illusive voices and growing more and more warped with every uttering. eventually it was but a steady hiss in the depths of her ears, impossible to circumvent despite the restless pinning of velveteen ears. 

her entire body shudders as if she has been plunged into the depths of the iciest of lakes despite the lazy slants of sun kissing her pallid figure. "i-" a measly croak as the harmonious murmur of rustling leaves suddenly seem to turn with the breeze so that cruel croons float from their masses to take turns stabbing out at the dejected dove.

'tell her polaris' 

'tell her how you missed the chance to ever see your papa again because you didn't think he deserved happiness unless it was because of you'

'tell her how you're a SELFISH COWARD'

'and now you think that because you've stolen one of his children you've redeemed yourself? pathetic'

it was too much...too much! why could he not have died during that stupid rockslide. why must she lose him TWICE, and for what? she hadn't even gotten to see him again, and she could've. she would do anything, ANYTHING, to go back in time and make the decision to visit him rather than avoiding it for fear of an argument. it was her greatest regret and she was doomed to suffer it for the rest of her days, knowing that her papa died not even knowing that she was alive. haggard eyes blinked woefully at her sibling, fresh tears burning forth to slip down upon dampened cheek fur. 

"i'm sorry" it jerks forth a hoarse sob, paws pressing hard against the spongy earth. "i coulda but..i was so stupid i didn't i was angry i...oh lainie he died not even knowing that i was alive and it's all my fault!"

Oh Po...

She knew. The stricken look was all it took and the wounds Lainie had fought so hard to keep from feeling ripped open. Staring into the watery depths of her sister's eyes was torture but the apology....it blew her away. Eyes tearing up she sucked in a breath and fought not to let it burst out in a wrecked sob instead shakily exhaling through her nostrils. Pushing herself up she tried to imagine what papa would say, how he would act....and she stood strong her head rising as she once again hugged her pale sister drawing her close with a gently encouraging tug of her chin. "Papa was happy..He met someone. We have siblings where he died" her words were soft and wary, unsure if Polaris would be hurt more by these or if she could seek comfort in them despite her sweetening them despite her father having seemed unsure during their conversation and then, tears slipping free from her lips she uttered her own admission "I spoke to him...before leaving again just a month ago. He was okay...I think life just wore him out early. He was tired but...he seemed content if not happy." the shiver that ran down her spine rose from her shame at having been able to see their father again and from the acknowledgement that everything had been fine until the abrupt end. "You shouldn't apologize for going out on your own. For not stopping by...all he ever wanted was us happy and safe, he would have said so himself" she spoke softly nuzzling against her sister and preening gently with her fangs through the soft fur along her shoulders. 

Im sorry this is terrible

not terrible at all!<3

she crumpled gratefully into her sister's embrace, tense shoulders loosening as muffled whimpers spilled from her haggard figure. the bravado she'd put on in the face of papa's passing the past weeks slipping from her like a dejected cape at the motion of a comforting touch. eyes squeezed shut against the rioting pain tearing greedily at her soul, an insatiable force, vengeful after being so vehemently walled up. in that moment she can imagine nothing else on the other side of this shadowing tidal wave building before her, the mere idea of fighting it a fruitless notion. but then.

lainie's voice, she clutches ahold of that. she is not alone in her suffering, her selfish deeds may have eternally cost her her papa but she has the chance to push aside leering selfishness right now. for lainie, for everyone else that still remained fighting in this perilous game. 

she straightens a little, tear stained features attempting a timid smile at the touch of those feather soft words. there is still an echoed blow at the truth that he had died surrounded by a new family, but she knew now, she knew that she'd been a fool to think for a moment that he couldn't fit everyone into that heart of his. she should never have shamed him for loving too much. "i know" she breathes meekly, watery gaze holding the verdant glow of her sibling's tightly "i actually...well our brother, that's weird to say huh? well he's actually tavelling with me, his name is alsek and he's so sweet lainie you'd know he was papa's child." she chews at her lip, the hazy sun glinting off of both girl's gossamer tears as lainie trudges bravely forth with her bittersweet words. 

they flow through her with staggering force despite the tranquil lilt of the raven girl's tone, unlocking and dismantling each and every ward within her until she is harrowingly bare, naked to the world and herself. she feels tender all over, scraped to the nerve by the torrential emotions still writhing within.

and though the hurt she feels is savage in its nature, she still smiles whilst woefully admiring the girl before her. "you're right, and i wish i'd have been mature enough to wish only the same for him before he died" she glances to her paws now, ears tilted back in shame as she whispers "i was....so mad when i found out from zephyr that he had a new family, it's why i chose not to see him until, well until i was much too late" her chin wobbles and her eyelids flutter shut, inhaling deeply to steady herself. "i see now that i was a right fool lainie, i let myself believe that because he had a new family he didn't love us anymore. i let jealousy get the better of me, all i see now is that he was a man with a heart as big as himself. i could never hold ill will towards him for loving so big, so bright and so much. i wish i could have told him that" 

she leaned against the motion of her sister's preening, letting the tranquility of it haze out some of piercing torment. slipping into the tongue she'd once believed she'd never get to speak again, she lamented softly "i miss him so much lainie, but having you here...it makes it a little bit easier. i love you so much and i don't know if i've said this but, you're the bravest wolf i know"

Alsek....

It only took a name for the unknown boy to sink his way into her heart. Brother....it wasn't that weird was it? To her it was another ray of light come to shine in on the encompassing shadows that had began to have her lose her way. Morena and Soter were their siblings even though they had a different parent technically...though personally her heart always sought out Maman first anyway. While she was still revelling in the warm glow of happy news Polaris turned with the saddest smile she'd ever seen and poured the guilt out leaving Lainie in awe. How...how did she so easily just admit her wrongs without fear like that? Lainie's mistakes had only ever cost her everything she had originally dreamed of and the smothering she once hated...she didn't know how to not feel terrified at the thought of admitting she'd made more. Staring at the pale furred girl incredulously as the sound of home poured into the air filling her up while also tearing her apart. Polaris gave a confession that left her without a choice...it was time to start toughening up again, If Polaris could do it then so could she. At least if only to comfort her sister in the throes of her grief.

 "You're the bravest wolf I know" 

It wouldn't stop echoing. She wanted to laugh as tears stung her eyes blinked away before they could and forced a smile to spread on her maw shaking her head and bracing herself for her own confession. "No. You're wrong. I'm weak" she said unable to bring herself to speak their shared tongue dropping her gaze to stare in shame at her paws  "Physically and mentally most of all. I won't ever make it alone for too long, my legs aren't strong enough to hunt alone unless I can find a small animal worth the physical strain. Papa...he didn't seem to notice and if he did he didn't comment. I thought he was happier without me to constantly worry about, that my running off had been a good thing. I left again because I didn't want to drag him down knowing I may walk off and collapse somewhere to die. Someone saved me, he fed me till I was better and disappeared. I come back here and..." she stops there not wanting to repeat it. That tooth had already sunk in deep enough. Lifting her gaze to fastened tear filled eyes gleaming with a determined, warm light into Polaris's woeful gaze  "We're both brave fools for surviving this much as well as for the mistakes made. I just hope he knew at the end somehow that we do love him but... I know he'd just want us to pull ourselves together and live the best we can"  it was said with an air of finality and she tried not to let the strength she'd summoned slip up as she wondered exactly what it was she could do to have a meaningful life anymore. 

her jaw loosens incredulously, tongue poised and ready to dish out the heated denial buzzing in her mind at her sister's false, self deprecating words but it falls lamely shut again when the night touched girl gets her voice in first. brows furrow, teeth pressing hard against each other; struck by such abhorrence to hear such things said about her fiery sibling even if they spewed from her own mouth. ears press tight against her head, wide look shimmering with the kiss of salty tears as toes press against the spongy earth that lainie's gaze fixates so woefully upon. lainie has always been the sprightly one of the bunch, vivacious and chipper in the face of anything...polaris..well she feels so inadequate in the face of it. she wishes to- no she needs to help her, make her see the lies sneering behind such a spiel but how? for how long has such a parasite festered within the guttering soul of the raven girl? how deep do its cruel roots dig?

she leans back, breaking the contact of their embrace to stand tall before the girl, chin tipped high despite its occasional wobble. "lainie tonrar- you are not weak, and if you disagree with me then you're calling me a liar and i don't take kindly to that. when it comes to your legs? i'm not going to pretend that that's not shit and that i am not so damn mad and upset at the world for doing that to someone as wonderful as you but the fact that you've dealt with that and yet still here you stand? that makes you stronger than anyone that's just had to stroll along your struggle. sure look at me, i have no excuse and yet i have yet to meet anyone as bad as hunting as me! and wolves aren't supposed to survive alone anyway, we are pack animals and we look out for each other. and you know papa better than that lainie, perhaps he thought you'd prefer if he didn't speak on it, he could be a bit socially awkward but he would never prefer you gone." a choked chuckle then as she added, breathless after such a vehement declaration "plus, if he didn't love looking after wolves then i don't think he'd put up with such an abundance of children, i've just been trying to look after one pup the past few weeks and it might just be the most challenging thing i've ever done"

her chest heaves, lustrous look fixed ardently upon the girl for a few moments before she blinks somewhat bashfully away, coming down from the high that had propelled that speech. ears splay as she runs a paw through intertwining blades of gossamer graced grass, a little smile pressing stubbornly upon trembling lips as she'd quietly lilt "yea i hope so, although somehow i really....i really feel like he did know. we've all gone through rough patches, the difference is that usually we've the time to mend them again...that time was robbed from us this time but surely he would've known that we were working towards it nevertheless, even if we were just that bit too late"

eyes travel to the bits of sky peering in through the rustling canopy, inhaling shakily. did he watch down on them like so many seemed to believe? or was that just a fruitless wish for those who could not accept that a soul died with its host. yet even so...her eyes drop back to the earth as she studied it silently; remembering her conversation with valette. if his vessel was returned to the earth in death then perhaps his soul lingered in the babbling brooks and curling ferns, it was a strangely comoforting thought.

As she finishes Polaris is quick to change in demeanor, pulling back with her head lifted high as she passionately rebuted the confession. Lainie stared back looking a little startled by the sudden outburst her ears sliding backwards gradually the more her sister poured out. It was fitting of her memory of childhood, Polaris was always great at seeing the good in people especially when it came to their mess of a family. It was funny to be mad at the world...Lainie had always seen it as her own fault...that she'd wandered off impulsively to explore knowing it was wrong and dangerous. It was hard to find a way to agree with anything Polaris saw. She wanted to protest that it was Valette and Abaddon who had saved her from starvation and death not her own survival...the saving grace was the fact that they were pack animals as Polaris said...she figured it was only normal she'd have needed help eventually anyway. Lowering her gaze she breathed in and then out slowly, a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes but was almost there breaking the sadness as she looked back up once the impassioned speech calmed down. "maybe that's why he never tried stopping me and Zephyr from leaving, he knew we wouldn't be happy" her voice grew tight again and cleared her throat brightening somewhat at the mention of their little brother though the  "It's not too late even if he isn't here to see it. Mending is still needed...you and me have catching up to do. Zephyr and I...we need to talk without him trying to attack or chase me off. I want to know why he hates me so...I can fix that. For Papa but...for us too. I don't want to be alone anymore" she searched her sister's eyes wondering how lonely she had been.
 "What is Alsek like?" she asked softly to change the subject to their newest sibling and looked around trying not to appear too excited though she hoped to see him hiding somewhere if she looked hard enough.

she so dreadfully wishes that there was a way in which she could delve into the mind of her sibling and see just how much of an impact her words had dealt, if any at all. she yearned to gain access to the raw, unfiltered reaction stirring within the night touched girl; even more so when that smile danced upon her lips. such a contrast to the melancholic bite to emerald stones as concern writhed within her own gut, refusing to settle. but opinions, especially when aimed at oneself, were stubborn things and polaris knew deep down that it would be naive of her to believe one vehement spiel would be enough to knock those doubts from their perches within lainie's mind. she could only hope that she'd opened up new paths, lighter ones that perhaps the girl could start a journey towards, and find it in herself to spare some love for who she was, she deserved it so much. 

rue flecked smile balances upon her slender snout as a slow nod of agreement is offered, chest pressing tight as she murmured "that definitely sounds like him alright, it's all he ever wanted, sometimes to a fault but his intentions were always good" and if only she could have shared that mindset when it would've mattered, fought selfish claws of bitter poison before they'd sank deep. never again, she'd never hesitate or put something off for her own selfish means ever again, no she would never risk being too late. it was perhaps, one of the worst things she'd ever had to endure; knowing in her heart that she could have seen her papa again and that it was all her fault that she never would. a hasty swallow as she focuses back upon the shadow cloaked figure whilst she speaks, an idle paw running back and forth across wispy grass. "mending is still needed" she echoes in quiet agreement, tail flicking at her heels "do you ever wonder what would've happened if swiftcurrent hadn't fallen? if we'd never had to relocate? would we still all live together as one or would we have drifted apart nevertheless, destined to crack apart regardless of what caused it to happen?" a tight frown as she looks to minute paws, as if the answer lays engraved in the curling hairs adorning her toes. "i still find it so odd that zephyr did that, i mean i guess he could always be a bit impulsive, unpredictable but...to attack you? that's not okay" a sigh is heaved as she looks back up "he's settled not too far from here you know? if you wish to visit him, i'd go with you but...i really need to get back to easthollow with alsek. that's actually where i found him, on the borders of zephyr's land although i didn't catch any scents of him and- oh! i'm so used to it now, i just realised you're referring to him as well, him. so you know? i only found out when i met him again" it had quite honestly fascinated polaris more than anything, of course she had too felt pity; unable to imagine being born into the wrong body in such a way. if she'd been born in the body of a male? that would've been awful.

"you don't have to be alone anymore you know? you have me now and you are always, always welcome wherever i am; and @Alsek is amazing! he's so sweet lainie you'll love him, honestly he reminds me a little of myself. all engrossed in nature and a bit hard to get a hold of sometimes, he wrecks my head sometimes but..i love him i really really do. honestly at times i think he looks after me more than the other way around, he might come over soon if he notices i've been gone a while, he's not too far off" she chirped, noticing the not too subtle way in which her company's eager look scanned her surroundings, understandably wishing to see her new brother. 

rolling her shoulders back, she'd fix an intensely scintillating look upon the wolf whilst leaning back on her haunches "so what have you been up to? i wish to know everything that has happened in your life since that terrible rockslide, all the bad and good, and then i shall tell you my own strange adventures that have led us to this reunion"

edited conclusion w permission; 
and the two tossed each other their tales that had brought them from that dreadful day to each other once more. chatting fervently until time declared an end to such a meeting, polaris knowing that she must return to alsek and set out for easthollow. it is a bittersweet moment, sorrow present for the fact that they must leave each other at all but the knowledge that both still live on and can find each other should it be needed, that is enough to leave them lighter on their paws than the earth's crushing press had allowed in a long time.